"Low protocol"/rules for casual play?

"Low protocol"/rules for casual play?

red panda • Jun 23, 2022

As I learn more about kinky play and partnerships through experience, I reflect on ways to build on connections with current and future partners.

Something that I'd like to explore is setting up a flexible, short list of standards and needs for casual (not pick up play, but not fully committed and collared D/s) partnerships. This would be something that applies on both sides of the slash and also would be very mindful of other commitments and life outside of play.

I think I'm finding that I need a stronger container for play than I previously imagined. Eventually, that may be a committed D/s partnership. But, even with play partners, there need to be some structure, like if the arrangement is going to be focused solely or mostly on sex, what we expect from each other immediately after play or sexual contact, and what expectations are for communication between play sessions. Having everything too loose and undefined can be more of a mindf*ck in some ways than knowing and agreeing on the constraints of a connection upfront.

Is there a BDSM term for this kind of list or set of standards? I would like to clearly communicate to potential partners that this formal and maybe a little boring thing needs to be worked out upfront, even during the initial phases of high attraction and intrigue. A lot of BDSM books and articles describe a clear, formal negotiation happening up front with a huge checklist filled out before every play session, but in my limited experience, I've found that things tend to be a lot more organic, with some things clearly defined but also plenty of grey areas. I wonder if I might need to set more limits for myself and focus on developing more formalized connections.

If you play with casual partners, are there any specific guidelines that you've found to be helpful?

If you do not play with casual partners for reasons similar to what's discussed here, how did you find the level of formality you needed when you were new to D/s?