New sub

New sub

Honeymaey​(sub female) • Oct 22, 2022

I am new to being a sub. I have a long distance relationship with my dom. I am struggling. I do my assignments, but he continues to pull away, which hurts my heart and makes me wonder if he cares. I’m so confused.

Solitary​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2022

Maybe the long distance is having more of an effect on him.

Some can do long distant and some cant.

Im thinking he would like and want something more in person. Though given the long distant that maybe difficult.

Are you both able to meet up? Or spend some quality time with one another?

Could be worth asking him directly why he keeps pulling away? IF this is extremely difficult for you due to his behaviour/response then question your time with him.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Oct 22, 2022

I agree with Solitary. It's time to have The Talk.

You probably want to get real with yourself about what YOU want. If you want more that a long-distance, online only arrangement can give, then you're both better off looking for someone who meets your needs.

Honeymaey​(sub female) • Oct 22, 2022

I do ask and he just tells me I’m being needy and ignores me more. Which I don’t like.

Honeymaey​(sub female) • Oct 22, 2022

I don’t mind long distance, as long as there is communication.

Zelia • Oct 22, 2022

If I were in your position I’d assess my needs. If they weren’t being met and I was unhappy I would terminate the dynamic.

You’ve expressed a desire to have more communication and consistency. Ask yourself if you are willing to complete assignments and continue to be vulnerable with someone who is unable to give you what you need.

There may be numerous reasons why you feel he’s pulling away. They’re not as relevant to you, as the fact that you’re unhappy.

I’m sorry you’re in this position, be assured it’s not uncommon nor is it synonymous with LDR. It is possible to have excellent communication long distance.

Good luck with everything.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Oct 22, 2022

Being a sub is synonymous with being vulnerable and emotionally dependent (to a point). This is the basis of submission and a dom's job is to support that vulnerability and dependence amd even to encourage it. A dominant will want his sub to be vulnerable and to need him and to depend on him emotionally..

If he isn't supporting it and saying you shouldn't be vulnerable and leaning on him emotionally, then he's no good to you because he isn't holding up his end of the arrangement.

Solitary​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2022

@ Honeymaey​(sub female) - if he ignores you more then that is not a great thing to be involved in.

An honest discussion needs to be had. Also a lot of introspection needs to be had by you on....if he is suitable and meeting whta you want. If he is not then slice the cord.

Solitary​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2022

@B L O N D I E - I agree with you.

Chalybe​(dom male) • Oct 22, 2022

From the other side of the slash:
I was recently talking to a potential sub/partner. I wanted to meet, she wanted to wait and talk on the phone some more. As it progressed, I became less and less interested in her. My "love languages" include touch, and quality time together. I wasn't getting that.