End of a dynamic

End of a dynamic

xoxok​(sub female) • Oct 27, 2022

Dynamic just ended, won’t go into the details why but all on good terms, just want different things. I literally don’t want anyone else, I can’t contact him I’ve promised to leave him move on. Any advice on filling the hole?

We'reInthistogether​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2022

Fuck I'm possibly staring down the same gun. Usually my go-to would be drugs but I'm sober now and that sound a fucking option so this is going to be hell on Earth.

I find being with my friends helps a lot I try to get out to meetings volunteer anything anything to get me out of my head stop me from thinking about them but it's going to hurt send me painful you're going to miss him so there's chemicals I just love chemicals they work against us to me break up you know so if you like reading give it a go there's so much good writing lit there.

Maybe me writing about the experience might help there's lots of options like just makes me goals for yourself and start trying to hit him. Elevate yourself you know because it will only attract better and bigger things into your life. I'm always here to talk if you need to I've been through it more than I care to count.

Solace​(dom male) • Oct 28, 2022

In my life, its has always helped me to take a break from dating. It doesn't have to be long. After I recover from the rough feelings, I've found the most healthy things have always been a dramatic change in my life. The first time, I moved 3,500 miles to the east coast. The second time I moved back. The third time and where I am now, I'm gearing up for a masters degree.

These goals, help immeasurably. Having something to make yourself better, something to look forward to being or having...Its amazing. They don't have to be new years resolution to move 3,500 miles like me, but they might be a concrete goal of being able to run a 5 miles a day without breaking without feeling like you want to die. They have to real, they have to measurable, and they have to be something that you believe will make you better. That you'll get a better deal next time.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 29, 2022

Don't let there be a hole! I mean yeah the other half is gone, but fill your time with stuff you did without them anyway. Most partners do exist outside the dynamic.
But yeah there is obviously going to be times you'll miss 'em.

The pang will fade, but avoid the tempation to fill this new "hole" with an asshole.

Easy for me to say, I have never been in a close relationship, but that's more on account of my inability to relate with anyone or anything emotionally (long story, not relevant for the purposes of this reply) .. than "hiding" from the pains of risk. But I don't need to personally experience this to relate what I have seen and shared with friends/ colleagues.

AsPetrichorr​(switch female){not lookin} • Oct 29, 2022

Possibly finding new hobbies would help, to get yourself busy, going to have few facials do help to relax, but wouldn't advice to get into new relationship as it might become more complicated emotionally.

Lilyanna​(sub female) • Oct 29, 2022

I am in a similar situation. Due to circumstances my Dom and I had to part ways and are unable to see each other due to distance and schedules. We were talking still when we could, however, being that we still had strong feelings the inability to be together was painful for us both. We decided to try to break contact for a while to give us both a chance at happiness and healing.

I have decided to learn a new skill, belly dancing, and to become more involved in my local kink community. Making friends and learning more about this lifestyle. Such as attending munches and social gatherings.

Do I still feel overwhelming sadness at times? Yes. Hopefully overtime those will fade and when I decide I am ready I will open myself up to meeting someone new.

I think to fill the hole try to make new friends or renew bonds with old ones to be a balm to hurt feelings. Learn a new skill that will challenge your mind and/or body to give you something to focus on.

I wish you a wonderful hopeful future. Definitely reach out to those around you in the vanilla and kink community. There are many who will be glad to be there for you. Many who will understand your pain and be a helping hand or shoulder.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. --Dolly Parton

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 30, 2022

Write or talk about your experience with other kinky folx.

Also- maybe seek a temporary play partner to help you process...