Turn offs in new conversations

VioletDreams​(sub female) • Jan 9, 2023

I feel like this forum post is perfect For me. I HATE when people automatically send me nude photos or ask me for them and pressure me
To send them. I don’t like it. Hey, if some do that’s cool but if turns me off! Also.. bad grammar/language. Bad manners… just be a decent person

letitialoveysub • Jan 10, 2023

I guess I’ve been waiting on someone to ask this question LOL.

The biggest turn off for me is when someone initiates convo with me with an agenda and close themselves off from actively listening/reading what I have to say. They just fire questions even if I’ve already answered it from a previous question.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Jan 10, 2023

"Please, be able to hold a conversation." or, even better "Don't be boring."

Following one of these charming pleasantries, you are the one who fails to keep the conversation going.

You do not wish to launch right into the rough stuff from the start.
I get that and I tend to agree.

You don't want to answer a bunch of questions.
Fair enough.

You think I talk about myself too much.
Okay.

You give nothing beyond single word answers; then when asked if you are, in fact, interested, you become upset.

Afterwards, you claim it is because you are being bratty. Meanwhile, I'm pulling my hair out in frustration.

Shaynna​(dom female) • Jan 11, 2023

When I first joined here on The Cage 4 years ago, I had my profile as a sub and I received many messages from doms who wanted me to call them Master right off the bat. That's a turn-off to me and I'm glad that as a switch that doesn't happen anymore.

Being asked about my kinks right away. I understand that some people are only interested in those who have the same kinks and they don't want to waste time with those who don't but I'm looking for someone with who to have more than just sex. Which people would realize if they read my profile, and this brings me to my next turn-off.

Being messaged by people who didn't bother to read my profile. it's a turn-off because we start chatting and then I see they are looking for things that I can't give. It's not like I haven't done it before (when I first joined here years ago I was in a kind of sub-frenzy and I might have messaged at least one person who was looking for something different than me), but at least I did read the profile. When people don't bother to read it, it makes me feel like they aren't interested in me as a person.

I'm not sure if it's exactly a turn-off but I prefer when people who message me give me some info on their profiles about them.

Kink shame is another big turn-off to me, which sadly happened to me before and now, thanks to that, I usually feel uncomfortable and a bit nervous when telling someone new my kinks.

Lack of respect. I have been messaged before by men who act like women are beneath them. This is a turn-off and a red flag to me.

I'mME • Jan 13, 2023

Mister Ashmodai,

I would love for a Dom to talk about themselves, I would love a Dom who asks if I am interested.

Those are terrific things for a Dom to have as part of themselves. {IMO, since I am writing this it's the only thing that counts ,🤣)

My experiences have been where when I receive a message from a Dom, it's either ask sly questions (as if I am not able to figure out what information this may provide about myself, but I answer most of them) , they don't answer questions which is a big turn off and I notice every single time that someone does not answer, and lastly I have only been asked if I was interested 2 times.
That is really frustrating , it's as if they decide and I am just there. I always end up knowing why too. They give some test which supposedly will tell them something about me (that kind of mentality is not what I want in a dynamic that I am 1/2 of. I am an intelligent person who will answer a question honestly.) I have been subjected to some other behavior that bordered on abusive and it took me about 6 times to figure out what they were doing.
He was not the first one calling themselves a Dom to subject me to that type of behavior. I take responsibility for the fact that I should have cut off contact at the first distress signal my body felt. Despite what some here may think about me ( I don't care actually ) I give people the benefit of the doubt until I don't.
This looks like me giving a person a chance to explain something I didn't understand because we are all human
I don't want to miss a potential good person because they said something a little off.

But after this last episode actually 2 but the other one was a different type of messing with my head, it has left a big imprint and not a good one on me.

Frankly Doms that do that to unsuspecting subs should be cattle prodded, covered in honey and staked out on an ant hill.
I'm not kidding .

I still think about what this person was actively engaging in every day.
Wondering why I didn't pick up on it sooner....

Talking about yourself asking if someone is interested (not sure why someone would get upset over that question, yikes) are good things.


Yes I realize that this was pointedly directed at someone .
I guess where I am dumb, is when it comes to a Dom (not mine) deliberately setting me up and basically making sport of me .

Smh. Ant hill is too good actually.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 15, 2023

For me it's a turn off because i've already started a conversation and told a person several things about "how" i am by writing a detailed profile. my experience with this kind of empty opening has been they are often scammers or people who have not read my profile. It's hard for me to believe a person who has read my profile and cannot respond with more than a "how are you," is really interested in knowing, or worse, they are all take and no give.

i'm not looking for Shakespeare, though i'd love that lol, but i am looking for someone who knows how to converse beyond 'hows the weather." Maybe somewhere in the middle between first grade and post doctorate?

Daphne • Jan 17, 2023

Do not call me sexy. Hey Sexy...ewwwww

I'mME • Jan 19, 2023

Daphne,

Yes, detest this and the rest on a list. If I get to someone and they get to know me, then I would hope that part of knowing me and vice versa will lead to genuine and heart felt compliments, doing things that the other enjoys which is different for everyone. Love languages you know.

Re: Turn offs in new conversations

SirGod​(dom male) • Jan 19, 2023

Turn offs in new conversations can vary , the mistakes Subs or Doms make is often not considering the potential intelligence of each that are expressed by both . . The way to understanding ones needs at the start & most importantly knowing how to listen to every word expressed from both party's It's a give & take situation the sexuality is secondary at the start what is important is how each one comprehends the life style .

upsidedown​(sub female) • Jan 23, 2023

I am frequently disappointed with men (Doms) on several sites.
I don’t like to be called “cum slut, etc in a first brief encounter.
I don’t identify with addressing one as Master during first message.
I particularly dislike “Doms” (don’t think of these men as Doms) ordering me to take off my clothes and on and on.
Seems as if several, not all, want to control and abuse woman. Sorry if harsh, happens over and over!