New to This?

New to This?

LilMinx​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Feb 19, 2023

Okay. So I don't really know how to explain this without making this a novel. Ever since I was a teenager, I have noticed that I have a lack of...sexual desire. I am able to be aroused and have sexual attraction towards people I dated in the past and now my Daddy, but it's like I don't have a desire to have as much sex with them like a "typical" person/couple would. As a teenager(and even now at times), I don't want to talk about sex or even do it. It's like it disinterests me and I just want to focus on the romance in my relationship or the adventures that we go on.

I don't want to ramble, but basically I had been researching for years as to why I feel like this or if there was a label. For a long time I thought that I was Asexual, but lately for a little while I haven't been thinking that. I have a friend who's Asexual and they just aren't the same as me. And I know everyone can be different within these categories, but when my friend explained it to me, I disagreed that I was Asexual. My friend has absolutely no desire for sex and told me that usually Asexual people are like that. So then they told me that I may be Graysexual. When I looked it up, it sounds like I am like that. I have sexual attraction and I want to be sexually attracted to someone(my Daddy), but I just have a low interest in sexual activities or crave it.

I may sound idiotic for asking this, but is BDSM still possible for me? My Daddy craves sex and is very much into sexual activities with me, but most of the time I don't want to do it and I only do it to please him as his Submissive. I get scared to disappoint him and say no even though I know I can and he tells me I can. But the Submissive deep down in me never wants to upset him and I just want to please him whether it's me being a service sub or a bratty sub. And lately I have really been going into Little Space more than anything.

I just want to know if there's anyone who can give me advice on how to handle this without ruining our dynamic or making either of us upset. How can I communicate and educate my Daddy on my graysexuality and compromise on stuff together? And lastly, should I even be in the BDSM community? This community has freed me and given me confidence, but if I don't fit within the BDSM community...I don't know if I should stay in it.

Any help from friendly perspectives please?

Sorry to ramble on. Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

WooDY S​(sub male) • Feb 19, 2023

Hello there.

Sounds a bit similar to my situation. I lost interest in sex about 6 years ago. Due to a very boring sexual relationship with my wire at the time.
We've been seperated now for nearly 3 years and i have been single for all that time.
I started looking into the BDSM lifestyle just before Christmas and would now like to take it further.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Feb 19, 2023

Frankly, I'd get your hormones checked. I lost interest in having sex. I didn't want to be touched, it was actual revulsion at times, especially my breasts. It took me years to find the right doctor to help me with this. It is an issue for both men and women. on top of that, you begin to develop a mindset that you don't want it which just makes it worse. The brain is the most erotic organ in the body.

Hormone replacement therapy is it. Blood tests test for an average range. HRT doctors look for optimal ranges. Guys can easily get more testosterone from a doctor. For women, it's more complicated, and not covered by insurance. I know, big sigh, our lovely misogynistic medical system at work.

It's certainly worth checking out. Lack of sex drive feels normal, and it only is, I think because the body isn't producing the hormones that it should. It really messed with my head in that respect. I, however, have a Master that was willing to listen to me and take me to a doctor to check out this possible issue.

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 19, 2023

If you're "not interested" you're not interested. There are ways to do the "sub" thing without sexual activity. However, the deeper problem lies within the fact that he wants something you don't have a lot to give, and that either will or won't be a "deal-breaker".

Similarly, I have seen in here often, the dilemma wherein one side wants BDSM in the relationship and the other doesn't, resulting in the question "what do I do?" in there.

The answer begins with "What can you do?" You cannot successfully make someone do or be what they want, period. One would either have to do, or do without something they want or part-as-friends, hopefully.

The latter is the wiser choice because as time goes by, someone either doing without what they think they need or the other doing something that really doesn't tickle their fancy ends up as fertile ground for resentment, bitterness, and an unhappy ending. The old cliche says "It's No Good If You Must Force It."

As I am loath to cross my eyes more than they already are (slightly crossed, but still...) reading walls of text, I may have missed some of your points in the original question but I did see the "disinterested" since teen years part and I skimmed the other replies suggesting hormone checking/therapy and all that.

That's absolutely an "Up To You" thing. Don't do it just to make some other person happy.

I have known a fair number of women over the years who simply don't want sex, or not a lot of it. They could be wired that way. But to be fair, I know of none who at least spoke about having hormone levels checked or getting hormone therapy so that's uncharted waters beyond my qualifications to comment on.

Personally, up until 3 or 4 years ago I fucked and sucked like crazy but of late ... Meh...

I don't intend to go through the trouble and expense of "looking into what's wrong with me" --- relying on tests and opinions of doctors, and for my record anyway, I am perfectly content not wanting what I don't want. I can be friends with anyone but if that topic pops up and becomes a pain in my ass, the "friend" can go pound sand.

WooDY S​(sub male) • Feb 19, 2023

My questions to myself were. What am I? Who am i? And what do i want in my personal life. This is why i want to try something that is different, in all aspects of life.
I do have some reasons regarding my issues and at the moment i would rather not say as i have only been on here a few hours

Miki​(masochist female) • Feb 19, 2023

There is no "tenure" requirement here. It matters not whether you signed up 5 minutes ago or 5 years ago...

Actually, aside from TOS, there aren't any regulations or requirements except to be civil to others and know what one is talking about

(N/A for you in your post, just as a general example) --- anyone who decides they're an expert based on nothing other than a screening of "50 Shades..." as source material)-- I have not seen that in here, I put that as an example The only thing you need to discuss your issues is being comfortable doing so.

---------------------------------

[Unrelated side note: "50 Shades" is not on my to-see list. But I have heard of it.]

WooDY S​(sub male) • Feb 19, 2023

Not on mine either. Lol.

Before i open up i would probably prefer to get to know people first even if it's just a bit.

House Talion​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2023

It all depends on your personal enjoyment. So find what you like, what you love, and what drives you wild

Summer B • Mar 8, 2023

is BDSM still possible? 100% Yes.
Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, submission, Sadism, Masochism. Yea, I double-checked and the S in there doesn't stand for sex.

Plenty of folks have play partners or relationships that aren't sexual. And here stateside, in most areas dungeon spaces are NOT sex clubs and you can't perform penetrative acts while there. Same with professional Dommes, and legal pay-for-play services with zero genital contact.

Now, that being said, these are usually things negotiated at the beginning of a relationship, or before entering into a D/s dynamic with someone. So you absolutely should sit your Daddy down and talk things thru. But keep in mind, there might be things he needs in order to have a successful relationship or feel like you are compatible.

For example, if you were a rope bunny, and your rope Top sat you down one day and said "I don't think I want to tie anyone up anymore, I'm retiring the rope play." You might be pretty hurt by it, and unsure of the future you two have together. Even though, at the end of the day, you know you'd want to know, and you wouldn't want someone to keep faking it for you, if their heart really isn't into it or even worse, it's hurting them to keep putting on a brave face.