Dealing with mental illness in Kink

Dealing with mental illness in Kink

DoseofCam​(sub female){Owned} • Jul 18, 2023

How do you manage your D/s dynamic when you are struggling with mental illness?

Specifically a depression episode.

How do you fully submit to Someone when you don’t have the energy to go to sleep or even speak?
Or is it easier to let go?

Do you just say “time out” and just pause until you feel better?
Or does it depend if it’s a total TPE?

Need some advice,
DoseofCam

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jul 18, 2023

Illness, whether physical or mental must be factored in to building a kink dynamic. Every aspect it could effect must be taken into account, and a strategy put in place to take account, manage how it might effect things.

Its vital from the get go that full disclosure is in effect because some illness will be directly effected by kink activity, and prevent kink activity, being unsafe.

Taking breaks, relaxed role times, switches to simple less physical actions are ways of managing illness no matter which dynamic it is. In saying that its vital everyone knows about these issues before there is a get go, as some maybe are deal breakers, stopping core activity that are central to role, sexuality etc. There should be no surprises down the road.

Little Mel​(sub female) • Jul 18, 2023

I find it so much easier to deal with depression within a dynamic. I go to therapy and have medication, but still have the occasional episodes. I'm not 100% relying on my Dom to handle it because I don't think that's fair either.

But my last 2 Doms were really great with this. If I said I was having an episode, they'd check in more and micromanage me more because that was what I needed. Making sure I ate, showered, exercised, etc...and gave me more praise when I completed routine tasks. Just a lot more direct guidance to do things that I didn't have the energy or motivation to do. That would continue until I felt like the episode had passed, then they'd stop micromanaging and go back to the directional style I prefer. I'd still keep track of those things in apps or Google docs, but they wouldn't be checking it constantly. Just occasionally to make sure I'm keeping up.

Irish123​(dom male) • Jul 18, 2023

A dynamic is fluid. It should be flexible enough to roll with any illness or injury, whether it is mental or physical.
In dealing with a depressive episode or such you should call a time out and discuss with your partner how you are feeling and what you need.
It could be that you need more or less tasks, more check ins, or just someone to lift you up.
In any case hang in there. You will get through this.

Miki • Jul 18, 2023

I have depression. Not bipolar, just clinical depression. It is successfully managed with a rather "ancient"-- by pharmacological standards (It's pretty much the original monoamine oxidase inhibitor)

The only listed side effect that affects me is that I simply am not particularly moved by anything purported to be "beautiful" -- my "finer emotions" are blunted to the point where I appear apathetic when shown either pictures of or an actual "beautiful sunrise/sunset" over the ocean, depending on which side of the continent you're on--- I can get PO'd with the best of them and I can laugh my ass off at the most inopportune moments. I can empathize but can't show concern----

Aaaaanyway enough of that boring crap. it is a significant (but not sole) factor contributing to my life-long refusal to enter any relationships, let alone D/s dynamics. Another, perhaps more substantial factor is so many doms have bad breath.

Phooey!

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Background shit before I go: The only time I ran off the rails in decades was last month when the shrink decided to dick around with my scripts. Fortunately I was returned to my original med and it still worked (sometimes if they switch a med-- the original won't work if switched back.)

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Last but absolutely not least: This post was only me speaking about my experiences.

It is nice to see on other posts that others find a way to cfunction well and beneft from theior respective dynamics / relationships.

M

autisticbarbie • Jul 20, 2023

off topic, but if you are suffering from depression I hope it passes soon, Cam. And you are very brave for sharing your struggles online.

When I'm dealing with depression (though I'm not diagnosed with depression, I've got other challenges), I tend to isolate myself until I'm reenergized and ready to reengage. Not saying that this is the path you should take. I'm one of those go into my cave and come out when I'm ready to talk or resume business as usual people. I've never been in a vanilla or kink relationship with another person who understands mental illness though.

Miki • Jul 20, 2023

@submissivejewishgirl

Unfortunately any type of depression, be it bipolar or like mine, just "clinical depression" as they used to call it--- never passes. Never goes away.

It's different from post-partum depression, which is a very serious matter in and of itself for new mothers, in that the latter does seem to go away. Of course I cannot speak from experience, I never had kids.

However diagnosed depression can be treated and an individual can lead a rather normal, productive life, but it will always be there in the background.

They're coming out with newer and better pharmaceutical therapies all the time which is encouraging for many, but in my case, only one med actually works to where I have good days and not-so-hot days-- just like everone else.

Life ain't a bowl of cherries and thanks to these treatments, I can deal with that fact of life capably.

It's only when they try to switch me to the latest and the greatest crap that nasty things can result, so after their latest attempt at diucking around with my scripts, it's now the general consensus among my medical team (head shinkers) to just leave well enough alone regardless of how long ago they developed Phenelzine.

EpicParker​(sub female) • Jul 20, 2023

I attend therapy every 2 weeks and I am medicated. I have many steps and ways to deal with my depression, anxiety, and OCD. Therapy is extremely important to me and I attend every session. I have a strict structure and rule system. I never miss my medications. My dominants are very supportive. I haven’t had a depressive episode in a while. My medications help prevent that. I practice self care and if I need to take a break from submissive duties, they support that.

Little Vixie​(sub female){Mgh30} • Jul 21, 2023

I suffer from Depression and anxiety along with ptsd from prior SA. The very first time I was supposed to met my dom, I actually had a ptsd attack and ended up turning around. We both drove 2.5 hours to meet. He was waiting at a restaurant.
He was so sweet about it. Talked me through it, offered to let me sit in the hotel room by myself to let me get through it.
Before him, I had men get pissed at me for going through those attacks. Get aggressive when I asked for initial meetups to have no stipulation of sex. He didn't. We spent over another 8 months talking, before we finally felt comfortable for us to meet up again.
Anytime I get my triggers now, he has gotten really good about recognizing them and halting everything. Anything I get overstimulation or depressed outside of kink, he let's me tuck myself away and he will periodically check on me. Ask if I need anything. Just let me do what I need to.

Notely • Jul 24, 2023

Mental Health does come first before anything.

I know everyone does something different on their own. Do wht is best for you don't do anything you don't feel like doing never should be forced. Taking a break taking some alone time for yourself self care self love.

I have had a lot of seeing counselors and therapists and doctors since  I was little. I have to see a doctor. They would check my pulse and take blood work but did not like the blood work
they wanted to make sure I was doing how I was feeling. I have to be taken out of school just to see all these people.   Coming from past abuse I had to have all that therapy growing up  to help me as I got older.  Every relationship did understand they were supportive but they wanted me to see many doctors til they found the right one. Just the high doses were giving me headaches and pain in my body. Bright lights were not helping.  I was in the lifestyle but I never looked for a dynamic to fix that D/s more of art I wanted to share when it was the right time. I wanted to secure my life first, work on myself and get my life together to do things I never did before. It was a big step. I had to change the tune my atmostefere it was up to me. I was allowing it to affect me. It was time to change things. Support from a friend told me don't live your life with pain and can do better. I did want to live with the pain any more. It was a sacrifice I had to take willing to change.  

I use to suffer from Depression and Anxiety with ADHD. It use to be that the medication would give me headaches and pain in my body, the side effects making me want to end a life that was not good.  I went to a stress rehab center as my last hope for ciro 2010. They had counselors and doctors you talk to 24/7 on call. We were not allowed to use phones or the internet. They did art therapy and painting , meditation and breathing methods, also going and relaxing in the garden. We did still have to take meds and bedtime. They had healthy good food also.  We were not alot to hug people, which was a weird rule. We had to get up, do a routine, take care of ourselves, make a bed and put in new bedding. They wanted to encourage us to do your own laundry to help you get back on your feet. We were to play cards and board games and draw. Also, a TV had no channels, only educational things. We were not allowed to leave once you sign the forms. You are thier for a week or 2 weeks because you are giving your life to save your own for your own health. They shut down mental houses and they are banned glad they are. Depression is normal and should be cared for just as stressed any mental health person should be shunned or shy away. They do have stress rehabs but they are limited and hard to find these days. Best place is in Sweden but for the rich. I think it should apply to all they might have some in states and countries but everyone deserves a retreat to recover not being thrown into a hospital that is not getting the right help you need. Mental health should not be treated like someone is in a cell; people should be respected. 
The stress rehab really helped but made me think about things  in life and how to change things in my life.  I was going more on a natural route. I quit taking medication giving me pain . I started a routine of meditating in the morning, taking time but taking vitamins and minerals and eating healthy food. Up to me to change my lifestyle but coup with it in my own way. I did really need to see a therapist any more. I had one I could call at any time tho as I was going on this journey. I used to keep myself from going outside. Nature was what I needed. Nature was my therapy going on walks and gardening.   In my late 20s as 27  I grew a profession in energy healing and went to school to become a Master Teacher so I could heal myself but rest was up to me. My Master Teacher said I needed to let go of the past. It cut cords to be free from this forgive the past move into the present moment. I was holding a lot in I was doing good but at times it was hard but once I did this nothing was holding me back. 
Over time my ADHD is less and Depression is less so on but I still do a routine of managing it  with a rehab of love for my mind, body and soul.   I had maybe some little moments of stress but I found other ways like grounding outside being peace into my life that if not peace was not allowed. I have been doing some  tai chi that really relaxes the body.  As knowone is perfect I don't have much any more but I am empathic. I may shed  tears sometimes but it is not anything to get me stressed. I have let things go. I don't listen to old society terms or watch the news, I do my own thing. I am not religious or have a  religion but  just spiritual.  Ilive of the land and garden. I have only had to go to the doctor maybe once only been sick 2 times in the last few years. Living a slow life keeping yourself busy and exercising and taking it slow now rush just living. I don't take things so seriously I take things in moderation and just flow. Changing the tune as I walk up each day is a new life.new beginnings are the time to change my thoughts and tune. I turn on the music and dance in the morning. It's the true essence we have to keep us going. Are batteries that need to be rechanged daily. To be good to myself, say good things and good things to my life and flow but set boundaries. No mistakes, just life lessons with experience help you grow up to how we want to live it.  But I put myself first be sexy for myself to water myself norish it to bloom partner understands and supports it we norish each other but give time and space and respect each other.

I can tell it will get better if you allow yourself to change the tune of life something t can be stronger, pick yourself up, try again, fight for your happiness but don't settle for little, go for the high value you are. Your story may not be happy beginning but that does make you who you are it is the rest of your story your journey who you choose to be.

Po | Yin & Yang (Kung Fu Panda)"Both sides of the Yin & Yang" You are stronger then you think.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2vFk4h4Obc&t=335s