Subs: what are some bad habits of FemDoms?

Solace​(dom male) • Jul 28, 2023

Hello Sir is for Searching,

You're not new to the cage so I assume you know that Findom's or promoting services for pay isn't accepted here and that we should all report such things should we come across them. It just needs to be said for other viewers.

I don't believe it would be the case for men anymore than the ladies though, at least in places where it isn't policed unlike The Cage. Is it more prevalent among ladies and more accepted? Yes. Its culture thing, and a supply and a demand. Men are often viewed as wallets, and since female Domme's are scarce they have the ability to charge for their high demand. And it works, even when it isn't a scam, the disparity is just that high.

So no, these people would not be banned in other spaces. And no they are not ashamed, if you read their profiles they clearly state they fully believe they deserve your money. At that point shame isn't even in the rear view mirror, not to mention there are people who get off on being exploited like that. A kink is a kink and we don't kink shame here, so instead we have to hope those subs find someone who...exploits them...responsibly.... Morals can be such tricky things sometimes.

I however find the behavior abhorrent in Dominants, male or female. Being given control of a subs assets to help them secure financial stability is one thing, however demanding cash tributes for a dominant to purchase fancy clothes and fine dining for themselves is disgusting.

Steellover​(sub male) • Jul 29, 2023

The last female domme I saw regularly, I ended up breaking it up for the reason described above.

Although, in all fairness, she was a "Pro" and I respected that, after a while I wanted a deeper, more intimate connection with her than simply a human ATM machine. Beyond just the session tributes, her ever-increasing demands for expensive gifts on top of that got to be too much and there got to be a point where I couldn't justify spending that kind of money on someone- especially someone who wouldn't let me get close or have any deeper romantic connection to.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Jul 29, 2023

And this was exactly why I asked we not include discussion of Prodommes/dominatrixes in this thread.

There's a big difference between engaging in a consensual dynamic with a partner and having communication issues and sex work. I feel like any discussion about the pitfalls of a femdom relationship always devolves into a discussion centered on prodommes, findomming and tributes.

>Although, in all fairness, she was a "Pro" and I respected that, after a while I wanted a deeper, more intimate connection with her than simply a human ATM machine. Beyond just the session tributes, her ever-increasing demands for expensive gifts on top of that got to be too much and there got to be a point where I couldn't justify spending that kind of money on someone- especially someone who wouldn't let me get close or have any deeper romantic connection to.

As this has now devolved to that point, I want to just sit back and say this is absolutely wild to me. If your relationship starts out as a pay to play situation it will never move beyond that, no matter what carrot that person dangles.

This is also why I refuse to accept any form of gift or tribute.

Solace​(dom male) • Jul 29, 2023

aradialspire,

Our apologies. Your original post did not seem to exclude tribute and FinDom's. Unless you meant for ProDomm'es and Doninatrix to fill that role, however its hardly exclusive to those titles. Some ladies may add the titles to give legitimacy to their claim but many don't even bother. Its that common.

And this isn't to beat on Domme's. Again its common enough that you see it out side in vanilla and even sub relationships. Ladies searching for Sugar Daddies which is very similar but more often without the toxic edge. Its a culture thing.

We certainly can avoid this subject because as you imply its a twice beaten horse, but if you make future inquiries on this subject you may have to be more specific.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Jul 29, 2023

Of all the utter mysogonist BS I’ve ever heard.

Bondsbondsman​(sub male) • Jul 29, 2023

Power magic. There is such a problem in female and male dominance. Many Dominators don't have what would make me submit to him. Coming to a meeting of acquaintances, communicating with a lady, I do not feel her power over me. Rather, I can subdue her. One day, standing in a long line, a young girl stood in front of me. I said something to her in annoyance. She turned around and asked quietly, what do I have against it? I apologized, but almost fell on my knees in front of her.

GigglesthrupainO​(sub trans woman){Free submi} • Jul 30, 2023

There one was Domme that I was only trying to play with and one day she got mad because I didn't read her mind. I asked why she was mad and she said because you are helping them but not me. I told her look I don't read minds.

GigglesthrupainO​(sub trans woman){Free submi} • Jul 30, 2023

There is another Domme that thinks everyone in the community should bow down and kiss her ass. I don't know if it is because she is trans and just hates life. But then again I am trans and am loving life.

Sio Skytower​(sub male) • Aug 9, 2023

My experience is a bit limited, and different that what I'd assume most here have as this was online only and via the virtual world of SecondLife. I was in a relationship with a domme for a few months, and it's been over a month now since we split, and what happened to me sounds like a pattern, or 'bad habit' as this thread invites to discuss. She loses interest in subs and will dismiss them with little to no warning. In the span of 48 hours, we went from her praising me and us for having such a good bond and long term energy to her dismissing me. The worst part, was the manner she did so, she claimed she couldn't have a fulltime sub anymore and needed a few weeks to reset her world. It became clear within a week, she was entertaining a new sub while I was 'on hold'. What I've been told by other 'ex' subs of hers - she gets bored and dismisses men. She also says very belittling things like "oh you're a child" or when she wants many details from me but offers scant in return, that may be my misunderstanding and newness but trust, communication and clarity are cornerstones she preached - until it didn't suit her and she acted as if we had agreed to split when really it was her dropping me. It was a learning experience, I can't believe that in D/s such an abrupt ending would be 'normal'.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Aug 9, 2023

How long is a piece of string? People are people. It takes a great deal of hard work, trial and error, give and take, communication, faith and commitment to finding someone IN ANY FORM OF RELATIONSHIP who is going to be right (enough) for you.

Instead of asking others for a list of things that piss them off, perhaps try asking yourself your list of non-negotiable/would like/don't mind about traits and behaviours that really matter to you in a dynamic you might enter.