My new (and first) sub has a porn addiction

Notely • Aug 12, 2023

Work on this together in better partnership of love. For yourself even alone to be your present self.

Be very very selective when it comes to your heart , your life , your energy , and time.
This just Enlightenment take what you feel. It can happen to any man or women. But can really be a wake up to love value themself better to the present.
Not to point fingers just some advice so take what you feel yes says some things but understand know one is pefect.

Don't need to leave but you need time for yourself not from others but society you gotta live your own life out of this matrix and cleanse it. To nourish yourself , water yourself and evolve. Fine to send love but don't use your own energy, give the free energy but pure some back to you. Breaks are fine to find your home place time and space you need in another place in another time your allowed to take a break does mean your having a mental break just meant this world not the same for you but everyone needs time and balance. I don't have the answer to everything but when I write comes clear to the mind.

Life is about accepting the challenges along the way, choosing to keep moving forward, and savoring the journey.

Mistakes are only life lessons not a mistake we go through lessons of experience to grow and become more who we truly are.

Not his fault it's Society's controlling the ads, the billboards, the stuff they put in food, how the news and alot social media getting out of old ways live your own life.

The body is a temple respect what you have even yourself mind , body and soul.
INCREASE YOUR VALUE | Buddha story of value of human life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63ZhIYSHbvw
silence so powerful
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSIjorwLyR4

Sex is not the first thing, the wrong energy, not the right connection or no soul. Only after looks and body does it come to being attracted to a person once you start to figure that out. Just because the humping might feel good does mean its love. Either person needs to be calm to make you laugh and work together. A relationship is not the first thing about getting to each other. Dance , Sing , read , to each other , breathe together - communicate. Don't count on slex to be the door to intimacy. It's the other way around first to develop intimacy skills . Then make love to enjoy them.

Right kind.
The Right kind will be centered with growth only wanting one they let things flow. The right kind is unexpectedly the serendipity kind. Souls will click, energy will be right in the right vibration at the right time. Show you the blueprints and effects. Take the time and make you feel safe. I Respect you. Support you through everything. Will make time for you. Person that can see through your soul can read you well in your mind and soul. They understand partnership is a two way street. Dates you four seasons. Will want to interdose with your friends and family. Will be respectful, be fully dressed and clean with good hygiene. More fully committed. Respecting both of each other's feelings will talk it out. Grown enough to be kind and take responsibility.

So become the partner you seek, love yourself and life and make your life beautiful. Be the reflection you deserve.


Erectile Dysfunction? - Doctor Explains
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqbauFKg-SI


When it get's out of hand it's an addiction and can ruin it for men not being able to get off.
But growing as a person you have to learn to have a bit of respect for oneself and the other person that you are committed to them not porn the only person you should be dreaming about is them.  Think it's fine to read sex therapy books to spice up your life. But if you want to settle down you need to grow a bit get out of the prat party stage and grow. Sex is not everything. No offence but grown men or women will not put up with it if the person is not willing to change then has the person end up walking away.  

If they doing it all the time it's becomes a problem if someone getting in to a real long term it can become a problem.My friend she is attractive and smart but she done everything for her husband but he still gets addicted he tried to get help I don't know why she stays I know can be hard  she had enough of it also they are separated but still together but just as friends she just doing her own thing they are still married but they just staying for now for the security part but she got her own job so does he. He does love her but he has one problem he will never leave. Her husband haD addiction he done it so much and even cheated over the years  he can't ejaulate he can't get it up any more because he some insecurities he not happy with himself So he will go on apps and just got girls just for easy thing but he also got them in debt 80 thousand dollars credit cards bills , he also got in a car crash when talking on app to a girl he damage his face they had to do little recovery surgery to fit his face his upper skull was messed up you thought this would made him think wake up. But him doing this so many years that, lacking on his health, he can't get it up any more. He did get some help but his sex drive and getting up was still a problem.

The Dangers of Porn Addiction ft. Andrew Huberman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7RMGUl_zSc
Andrew Huberman - How Porn Addiction Destroys Men’s Brains
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qJHRvHU8IM
"Masturbation Has DANGEROUS Effects on Dopamine!" | Jordan Peterson and Andrew Huberman Discuss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GbCnr4gBjE&t=57s
Andrew Huberman Lashes out the TRUTH OF MASTURBATION - Why Masturbation is killing the YOUTHS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tHP8Uc-L-k
Erasing Fears & Traumas Based on the Modern Neuroscience of Fear | Huberman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=31wjVhCcI5Y
How NoFap Will Cure Your Porn Addiction... | Andrew Huberman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5I2r7wfDGdE
Break the Cycle of Addiction - Ram Dass
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLGZeoC9WMs
How Childhood Trauma Leads to Addiction - Gabor Maté
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVg2bfqblGI
How to Find Balance in the Age of Indulgence - Dr. Anna Lembke
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEfkx3DsXjs&t=63s
How to Break Free from the Matrix - Welcome to the Real World - Infinite Waters
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTzVwvTfXs4&list=RDCMUC1KmNKYC1l0stjctkGswl6g&start_radio=1
The Optimal Morning Routine - Andrew Huberman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR_f-iwUGY4&list=RDCMUC1KmNKYC1l0stjctkGswl6g&index=5
The Illusion of MONEY, TIME & EGO - Alan Watts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYSQ1NF1hvw&list=RDCMUC1KmNKYC1l0stjctkGswl6g&index=8
The Strange Secret to Success - Earl Nightingale
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vifg2LgF_ic
Overcome Addiction - Sadhguru Wisdom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYYCYY9UHUg

Know one can do anything for you, The only person that can is you.
Is about value and trust and respect built with growth.
This is not tinder and and know one here got time for that.
This would be more of wake up call know one is here for you your on your own.

You would need to grow as a person to get off the Little Boy stage. Begging won't get anywhere except in the back alley.

If you do not have respect for yourself how will you have respect for anyone else.

Painful things essential to growth.

Getting Dumped.
Loved one Dying.
Being Broke. Losing a fist fight.
Public Embarassment.

The weaker you are,the more dishonest you have to be survive.
This why you can not trust weak people.
Deception and disloyalty is basically thier only means of surival.

In Life , the best and worst of things side by side. Seek to Avoid one and you forfiet the other.

A Boy Gives False Promises.
A Man Honor His Commitments.
A Boy Thinks of Me.
A Man Thinks Us.
A Boy blames Others.
A Man Accepts Responsibility.
A Boy lives off Others.
A Man lives for Others.
A Boy Relies on nothing Being Lazy.
A Man Relies on being Better Person.

Ask yourself Do you want to be Man or a boy?
Boy hook up culture you only get used to in return sloppy no connection half ass love then get old all you got is blow up doll.

Man you can keep yourself respected and find and get respect in return with all things.

You have to deal with problems eventaully.

Face them head on you'll get initiative discount.

Run from them and you'll pay an avoidance tax.

Then there is being honest with yourself.

To be great stategist, the future should be a suprice.

To a great tacitican , the present should never be obstacle.

Getting some therapy for sex problem of addiction.
Becoming on workin on being a better person becoming grown
. It's a big responsibility of being an adult you have to get out of the party.
Lifestyle is not about sex it's about love, trust and bond with respect.
You have to keep your clothes on have respect for self. be clean and take pride in appearance.
You have to be willing to change with effect show it.

Honesty with yourself
Men don’t get to play games.

Men have to live in the real world and deal with real life.

This means they need to be brutally self-aware. We have to always know where we are strong, where we are weak, and what needs improvement in our lives. We have to accept our flaws and weaknesses and take responsibility for our position in the world.

If you’re an average man, be honest with yourself. If you don’t want to be better than you are, admit that to yourself. But also accept everything that comes with that level of honesty.

Men are afraid to be honest with others because they lack the strength to deal with the backlash, but they’re afraid to be honest with themselves because of the responsibility that comes with it.

Once you become aware of something that something is wrong in your life, it is now your duty to fix it. Many men don’t want to carry the weight of that responsibility and the hard work that will be required to fix things wrong in their life.

So they lie to themselves. If you want to be a better man, must never lie to yourself.

Responsibility
Men don’t shy away from responsibility. In fact, they embrace every opportunity they get to take it on. This is because men recognize that meaning in life is tied to responsibility.

A tell-tale sign of immaturity—in men and women—is the avoidance of anything that looks like a duty.

It’s natural to want to be as free as possible. In an ideal world, we’d not only get meaning but also success while handling as little responsibility as possible. However, the real world doesn’t work that way. A man must recognize and appreciate the relationship between responsibility and getting the most out of life.

Naturally, people think of the responsibility of caring for a family. That’s an important one, but a man must be responsible for his health and his income. This means not eating everything or spending money on anything his heart desires.

The only way to get more freedom to do more of what you want is to take on more responsibility. This may seem counterintuitive but think of it like this: everything has a cost. You can either pay the cost up front and get a discount or later and pay a tax.

The discount you get comes from the discipline you had to have to build up your position and delay gratification until you were in a strong enough position to not be affected by a night out partying or spending a few extra thousand dollars on a trip.

The tax you pay is in the form of playing catch up, still having to meet your normal demands, but dealing with the pain of managing both at the same time. You paid for your vacation on credit so now you not only have to pay it back over time with interest, you still have to manage your normal expenses.

But if you were responsible, you’d have more to be able to do more and be freer in the process.

Utility
A man must be useful. This means he needs to have a skill or ability.

The world has no use for a man who is not useful. This is not the case for women.

A woman, by virtue of existing, already has a biological use. She is here to carry life and nurse it for the short time after it arrives. A man can’t do that.

This is not to say that it’s women’s only purpose. Only to show that women come with a built-in purpose that is vital to the continuation of life. And while yes, you need men and women, each woman can only carry one child at a time while a man can impregnate thousands at once.

Most men aren’t even biologically necessary for life to continue. Men don’t come with a purpose. We must make ourselves necessary.

This is why men are drafted in wars and the idea was always “women and children first” when it came to dealing with evacuation from dangerous situations. Men have to make themselves useful because they come into this world useless.

It doesn’t matter what you learn how to do. All that matters is that you have skills that can be used to generate income. This is the most important measure of your skills and abilities in the modern age.

Prior to the digital age, a man’s utility was determined by his ability to survive. While those skills are still important, the scope of survivability has changed.

Now the world relies heavily on computers, the service sector, and entertainment. Being able to make a living without dishonesty or harming others is an important part of being a man.

Relationships
A man realizes that other people are the most important thing in life.

Humans are social creatures so much so that solitary confinement is used as a punishment for people who are already in prison—and its use continues to be debated. Being alone is so bad that it’s reserved as a punishment for people already spending a significant portion of their lives behind bars.

Men need good friends. Unfortunately, the modern man has been shunned and shamed away from nurturing emotionally deep male friendships.

Male friendship has been reduced to a caricature of out-of-shape guys who just drink beer and watch sports. Our role models for male friendships in the media center around these stereotypes.

When you combine this with the fact that a record number of men are growing up in fatherless homes, the average man has never seen a healthy male friendship anyway.

Male friendships are also supposed to function as a type of reciprocal mentorship. Your friends will mentor you in areas you’re weak in and vice versa. You learn from one another and make each other better men.

A lie men today are being told
Today, men are told that they should vent their problems to the woman in their life. That part of having a strong romantic relationship is being able to share your problems with your significant other.

The truth is that only other men understand the struggle that is a man’s life.

Now, I don’t say this to imply that women don’t struggle in their lives—they definitely do. The biggest difference between men and women is that women nurture their female friendships much more and as a result, they have no problem discussing their problems with one another.

Men, on the other hand, don’t do this. They not only don’t share with other men, but they share with the woman in their life who needs to see them as strong.

I don’t want to give the idea that men should not communicate with their significant other because that’s important. However, any problems you are having that affect you both (health and finances are the big two), then you should consult your male friends.

When you talk to your close male friends about your issues, you invite them to do the same with you. This is important for facilitating a close relationship with your male friends.

Courage
Becoming a man means that you have to face challenges and unknowns in life.

This doesn’t mean that you have to be fearless. It only means that you have to act, despite being afraid. Fear is not a sign to stop or retreat. It’s merely a sign that you have to get ready for something and that it’s important.

Therefore, your response to fear should be excitement. In fact, when you look at the brain while experiencing fear, the response is the same as if something exciting is happening, This is important to remember whenever you feel afraid.

The world is a terrifying but wonderful place. However, the only way you get to see the wonders of the world is by confronting and moving past the terrors within it. This means you have to be courageous in facing your fears.

Also, everything that causes growth is scary. You may not think of it that way, but it at least carries the possibility of hurt and failure. That, by itself, is scary—even if you don’t register the fear.

This means that you have to be courageous. This means that you have to act despite fear.

Humility
Real men learn how to be men from other real men.

Because a man is made, it’s impossible for him to know how to be or what to do on his own.

Men learn how to be men from their fathers, uncles, and elder men around them who set an example. Or at least, this is how it’s supposed to be. It’s no secret that today there is a shortage of men worthy to lead and set a good example, but that’s a discussion for another post.

Part of being a man is being willing to learn from other men.

Before technology came along and made everything easy, knowledge and skills were passed down from one man to another. In fact, a young man was not considered a man until he could prove that he was capable the way the men who taught him were.

One of the telltale signs of a guy who has missed a masculine influence in his life is that he lacks the ability to listen to men. I see this often in guys who were raised by a single mother.

At best, they have a resistance to listening to men. At worst, they have distrust and disrespect. This is the result of a combination of growing up never having seen masculine role models, positive masculine men. or hearing everything about being a man getting grouped into the category of “toxic masculinity”.

Unfortunately, this problem is not just isolated to the sons of fatherless households. This means that many men today are not being taught to be men. This means they arrogantly believe they are men, so they will not learn from other men how to be better men.

This is part of the reason men are apprehensive about connecting with one another because opening up means facing something terrifying, taking responsibility, and building your relationships with other men—all things that force men out of the comfort zone of modernity and make them develop.

Fitness
You don’t need to be into bodybuilding, CrossFit, or a semi-pro athlete. You don’t even have to give up alcohol or only eat clean all the time. You simply have to become aware of some simple metrics and aim to keep them in check.

Body mass index (BMI) > 24: A lot of people hate BMI and claim that it’s only for certain races or that it excludes people who lift weights or that it’s plain outdated. The reality is this: as measured by BMI, the percentage of the population who is considered obese or overweight has continually risen in the last 30 years as have the correlated diseases that come with it.

I don’t recommend using BMI by itself because too much muscle will put you into the overweight zone, but that’s why you couple it with the following metric.

Body fat percentage < 16%: This metric, combined with a BMI over 24, means that you’re carrying a decent amount of muscle and a low amount of body fat. A high level of body fat is a sign of insulin resistance and is the precursor to diabetes and all of the complications that come with it. It’s hard to hit the next 3 metrics if you have a high level of body fat. At 16% body fat, you won’t have washboard abs, but you will dramatically lower your risk for a variety of metabolic disorders and chronic diseases.

Hemoglobin a1C < 5.6: If you aren’t familiar with this test, it’s a simple blood test that measures your average blood sugar levels over the past 3 months. If you’re interested in the detailed science of the A1c or HbA1c test, you can read about it here. For everyone else, all you need to know is that this number is arguably the single best metric to know how insulin-resistant you are.

independent of traditional cardiovascular risk factors. Compared with 45 beats/min, the risk of all-cause mortality increased significantly with increasing resting heart rate in a linear relation.

While there are many other metrics that are important for your health, these are the major ones to monitor. Getting these metrics in order requires you to be vigilant about your diet and lifestyle choices.

You’ll have to do healthy amounts of cardio (aerobic and anaerobic), lift weights, and watch your diet to make achieve all of these metrics, but you won’t need to be obsessive. Only vigilant, disciplined, and self-controlled.

If you don’t care enough about your physical well-being to take care of it, then the rest of the world will mow you over.

Vision
The last trait that a man must have is the most important. A man must have vision.

He must always consider how what he’s doing will affect his plans for the future. This, of course, means that he has to have plans for the future.

Men always have designs on something. This comes from being honest and knowing that he will die one day. This means that he has to plan, strategize, and maximize how to best use the time available. This requires vision.

This is one of those things that separates boys from men. Boys don’t have to worry about anything but the moment because someone is there to take care of them and their every need. Men are not only responsible for themselves, but usually for other people.

This means they can’t afford to just live for the moment. At the end of the day, they need a vision and a plan to achieve it.

What is masculinity?

Before we try to become something, we have to know what we’re trying to become. This means we have to define “masculinity”. It’s easy to say that masculinity is one of those things that you know when you see it, but that leaves us with a big problem:

That makes it easy for anyone to change the definition to suit their narrative or message.

Men who aren’t willing to do what it takes to become masculine will bend the definition to include things that are antithetical to becoming a man but because they do it AND they still want to be considered masculine, they argue for it.

For example, a lot of guys like to argue that because men play video games, that video games (especially sports games or first-person shooters) are examples of manliness.

“A real man takes martial arts or does MMA”
“An alpha male lifts weights and is good with women”
“Real men make 6-figures and have a big family”
The arguments always come back to making money, getting laid, and being in shape. Now don’t get me wrong: those things are important. But there are many masculine men who don’t hit all these characteristics.

No one would say that:

The firefighter who risks his life but is terrible with women and only makes $70k/yr isn’t masculine.
The overweight mechanic who takes care of his family but has faithfully been with his high school sweetheart isn’t masculine.
The boxing coach with no family and who makes almost nothing but pours his energy into leading young men in the community isn’t masculine.
It goes beyond superficial metrics, but those metrics are proxy indicators for something more meaningful. So what is masculinity, exactly?

Masculinity (adj.)

Any behavior that attempts to reduce entropy and/or break homeostasis by direct force (1st degree or order of action) Contrast with femininity, any behavior that attempts to reduce entropy and/or break homeostasis by indirect (2 degrees or orders of action) action.

In my opinion, this is the most general definition. If you need a refresher on entropy, a good jargon-free definition is “lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.”

Masculinity is all about exerting your will on the universe and shaping it to your desires. Now, there can be positive or negative versions of this. This is where the ideas of “positive masculinity” and “toxic masculinity” come from, but masculinity itself is neither good nor bad. It is simply a characteristic.

Jack Donovan once said, “There is a difference between being a good man and being good at being a man.”

Masculinity is about the latter. It is the work of being good at being a man. You can be good at being a man without being a good man.

The same masculine leadership qualities that made people follow Gandhi are the ones that made people follow Hitler. Here are 9 qualities of a masculine man that all boys must develop to achieve their greatest potential.

How to be a man: The 9 qualities of A Man.

Strength
A man must be strong.

This goes beyond the physical strength you build from the hard work of lifting weights, but that helps. Generally speaking, a man must be strong enough to remain on course in the midst of distraction.

These distractions will come from two places: his thoughts and the actions of others.

Masculinity resists the actions of others
A strong man is strong because he is able to resist change, natural or intentional.

This means that masculinity stands resolute in the face of peer pressure and social influences. This requires strength, therefore a defining feature of masculinity is strength.

Masculinity resists entropy. Masculinity resists change for change’s sake alone.

But the other end of strength is that masculinity impacts and creates. Masculinity does not subtlety influence; it directly manipulates, directs, and impacts. Strength is required to do this as well.

Masculinity is strong enough to stand its own frame of reference, resisting all efforts that don’t align with its vision while simultaneously shaping the world in its vision.
Honesty
A man must always be honest, even in the face of pain, anguish, torture, or death.

Honesty with others
There is more to this honesty than just telling the truth to others.

That’s also important, but it only scratches the surface of the honesty required to be a man. Every lie that a man tells forces him to live in some degree of inauthenticity. Lying also signals a lack of strength.

Either you weren’t strong enough to behave in a way that didn’t require deception or you currently lack the strength to deal with the backlash from honesty.

Your story may not be happy beginning but that does make you who you are it is the rest of your story your journey who you choose to be.



First sign of them not being on the same page, not in your vibration not making you feel safe, time to exit.
If you're not into being shared or them seeing others they should have left you alone because this is not a match but sees you as a very submissive person but using it as their own game to keep you around for company comfort and leave you at home this is so wrong you have feelings. Do a background check on this guy. His energy is not right, you need to get out there.


It's a trap that is not love, it's more of a game they are playing for their own needs and fetish not being open and honest with you, not respecting you as a partner all together. Only a few things Women ask for to feel safe and protected. It takes a rare one to value a Woman. a Woman is worth more than rubies you gotta value the one you have at home it's Up to the Dom/Head Of Household to show it not just say it but with blue prints. Without communication there is no relationship. Without respect there is no love. Without trust there’s no reason to continue.

Monogamous Relationship is one for one committed to each other only in partnership as a household unit of love and trust and honesty with openness and agreeing on things. Huge responsibility in Monogamous they have to be out the frat party life it takes to grow as a person to love them self and respect themself to love another to make room for his lady. It's his job to be Head of HouseHold to lead and protect and respect his partner and cherish her at all cost but disciplined out of love. She will respect him if she values giving it back; it takes two to tango. In D/s also its a bond with love with trust being open and honest with each other.

“Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!”

Sex is not the first thing that needs to be emotionally invested before getting hooked showing effect with blue prints to earn a heart with love. Love has to be on a deep level but with a feeling , soul connection , on the same page vibration , communication , chemistry . built with trust and openness with love being a team . Taking it slow, allow it to flow this love when the time is right let it be. If they they only after sex always thier no romance or feeling they only for their feelings it's a trap of manipulation for their sex addiction.


You both talked about it, you not into being shared or them seeing others. Keep your mind Speak up for your feelings, put your foot down, tell them how you feel that you're not liking this that you both talked about this. If he can't respect your feelings or care then time to pack your or through his ass to the curve put yourself first because once trust is broken can never be again.


But being in partnership if he thinks only about one he is wrong. Even if a couple agrees to share the Wife has a say in everything and gets to meet these both should meet in a public place to see if they are safe and sane and std free everything is in the open nothing hidden. But if he made you do things in the beginning making you see others for his pleasure you were not into this it's a red flag from the start. Does not matter but he did not even do background check on these guys they all should be tested but still good Dom would never force this crap only guy that acts a pimp this is disrespectful. He seems to act like a young boy not even grown.


He is trapping you in this game and you're so much more than this. If he can't value the one he already has at home he does deserve any woman to let him keep his trash life but he is lying to you about these others for his lust and needs no love there. He hides playing games not being honest with you this not how grown man acts this like a married man hiding from his wife. If you are not married then you can exit this Relationship. Even if you are married you can file for divorce right away but when they are not around don't tell them. Give them a chance at first you need a answer But first tell them I am your partner and we are in Monogamous D/s Relationship But if you can't be open and honest with or even have communication them I am done but give a chance to see if he change or want to help get counselling he should apologize to you. If he is not willing to get help or change or he tries to change the subject then you know what you need to do.

Save yourself and forget about talking to him if you try to sign. He does not care to pack your stuff and get out when he is not around to go somewhere safe. Only way to get out of the trap could get worse: try not to let you leave and want you to feel sorry for them, don't put your foot down.

Your Naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.

rust chemistry , Chemistry that you don't have to question , at all. Where nothing feels forced. it;s just natural. Everything just flows & it is so obvious. It's such a rare connection with another person.

My favorite sex position is one where you are down to grow with you as a person and care about your mental health & well being.

Arouse me mentally so I can feel you spiritually then when we touch physically we'll fall in sync soulfully.

If you want to know mine , Study my soul . explore poets my admires , listen to my favorite songs and learn about the stars , the oceans and beautifully wild things.
Last thing but genuine friendship, partnership , if we click we vibe.
Love is rare , But to love first love you first Master that so you can love another then go on with loving.


Does have to be a Romantic relationship to be romantic just be conversation and laughter. Just genuine Bond
Without attachments , without judgment , no forced love , without jealousy , enjoy the moments , growing friendship , the company , be each other's peace , things grow and flow , Buddha level. If we let go of the old ways we just accept each other, everyone be a bond, be each other peace see if we click the whole relationship thing comes later.

Re: My new (and first) sub has a porn addiction

TwoRingsOneChain • Sep 7, 2023

You really need to nip that in the butt fast. The porn addiction is worse than the addiction many women have with romance novels.

Addictions by themselves are really bad anyways but the porn addiction from what I've seen of it mostly with guys is that it changes the way they make love. It also changes them. I can't really explain what I mean but I just know it changes them.

If I look at my own family my brother's wife is a prolific romance novel Hallmark movie watcher. My brother tells me his bedroom life is like zero. He tells me that he can't compete. I've tried to tell him to take charge of the situation and get rid of the books and get rid of the cable Channel

On the other hand my sisters husband is locked on pornography and I know that her sex life is also low to zero..

All I know is that these things should just be removed from the house all together

Horror Business​(dom male) • Sep 7, 2023

Your sub should seek help on their own, and you should not get medical advice from anyone on an internet forum. Any MH professional weighing in should know that.

You can't "make" anyone go to therapy. Sounds a bit like they want it to be part of fetish play which is pretty eh

Dickwhiplash • Sep 8, 2023

Tell him to check out sex addicts anonymous online, they have lots of zoom meetings and h e can remain completely anonymous by turning his camera off. also that program lets you decide what levels of sex are problematic for you , they never tell you to not have sex and they believe that porn is sex so there sure lots of people in there for just porn addiction. there is a really good meeting at 6pm pacific time oput of louisiana called the mercy hope church meeting. people are open and welcoming and the guy who runs it usually wears a big blue wig. you can find out all the info on the Saa website an the best part? it's free and you don't have to leave your house to do it. good luck.

Craven Object • Jan 3, 2024

So, yes, any pleasurable behavior releases dopamine, which is why we want to do it again. Think of a food you like, for instance. But this is quite different from the chemical dependency of addiction to narcotics, alcohol and the like. In recent years, a number of people--both researchers and lay people--have suggested that the dopamine can be chemically addictive in the same way through the creation of loops. However at this point a great deal of research has been done on the topic and there has been no positive findings. As you say, research is on going and so is controversy.

"Behavioral addictions" (as opposed to chemical) is one of the most controversial topics in mental health today. because, as I say, the research does not support that they are real addictions, as opposed to OC behaviors. But many people--including practitioners--apply the addiction model to them, which is not advised best practice for the reasons like those I mention above. That side the argument recently won a battle when the DSM-5 listed Gambling as an addiction rather than a compulsion. They hope this is a harbinger of changes to come, but opposition is strong and growing within the professions and the debate has become a kind of a stand-in for the sex positive v. sex negative, and hetero/vanilla normative vs kink positive debates. (And, of course, money and personal moral views play big roles in shaping people's positions.)

Ideologues will argue out what the professional classification should be. (The group you mention is one of the key partisan lobbies in the ongoing debate.) The bottom line for people to know is that based on the scientific findings to date, porn (or sex) is not a chemical addiction like drugs and alcohol. In fact, it the evidence is that it is less addictive than caffeine (about which there was also a panic that has been dispelled by the research). The dopamine is just not what it is about. But, as I said that doesn't mean that people cannot develop obsessive/compulsive behavior patterns around pleasurable and escapist activities, which lay people will call "addictions." And those OC patterns should be treated if they are causing significant impairment for the person in question in living the life they want.

The Number one Sir​(dom male) • Jan 4, 2024

Everyone is throwing in their opinion so I guess I'll throw mine in...

He wants you to use your influence to change his behavior, he's stated as such. This seems entirely normal in such relationships; a sub requesting control for self improvement.
If my sub made such a request from me I would have them swap their porn consumption for something else. Like every time they feel the urge to consume porn they look instead at photos of me, or listen to a voice message, or text in the moment to let me know.

What I would choose to do in that circumstance is personal, I might for example have them meditate or read poetry or focus on breathing techniques. Depends on what works and what the Dom chooses.

People get addicted to all kinds of things; like some people decided to chew regular gum each time they feel like smoking a cigarette. Sometimes a focused distraction can break a habit, if it were my sub I'd use my control to help them break the habit they want to and have asked for help with.