Are Sex Fantasies Dangerous?

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 19, 2023

Most of my fantasies are femdom-related kinks and fetishes. No snuff or anything like that, but a lot of degradation involved, which might rub people wrong.

farashacaveluv • Sep 19, 2023

I think that fantasies are important for play. Say that I imagine my former Dom and I engaging in a tryst that includes my current partner. It's safely in my imagination and fun to think about. In the light of day it might not go over as well. Well. My former dom might be up for it, but not necessarily my current partner who I have chosen and whom I care for dearly.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 20, 2023

I think, it can be possible to be so caught up in your fantasies that you forget how to interact with people on a meaningful or respectful level. Which, while not "Dangerous" can nonetheless be detrimental.

Say, for instance, I like a woman. She's probably not into kink or domination (chances are pretty good she is not) but I can't stop thinking about her holding a leash around my balls and spanking me. That fantasy becomes an obsession, and one day, I ask her out, and then, ask her if she wouldn't mind holding a leash around my balls and spanking me. The result: Date is over before it began. Or, defying all odds, maybe it turns out she IS into kink, but yet I get so caught up in my own fantasies that I inadvertently fall into the trap of thinking of her merely as a fullfiller of fantasies, a "kink dispenser" rather than a person with wants, needs, and a personality of her own. She quickly gets turned off. Again, not dangerous, but yet, clearly detrimental to one's overall social interaction and dating prospects, which isn't really desirable either.

Miki • Sep 21, 2023

I wouldn't get into that on any early dates. If this woman s not into this shit, asking her that can not only provide you with an early night home, you'll creep her out to the point where she would as soon look at a clogged toilet.

As I have said, go on dates. Keep the fantasies private, and if the object of your desire is like-minded, you'll know it soon enough.

Totally nothing wrong with such fantasies, provided you keep them as such "pending further review".

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Are you thinking of this woman in strictly a BDSM sense, or are you otherwise attracted? If there are aspects of her beyond twisted shit, be prepared to make a choice.

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 21, 2023

That's basically, where I was coming from.
I've met women who I've been attracted to on both a physical and emotional level who I simply had no intentions of ever bringing up kink with. Some of these women, I have privately fantasized about being in a "compromising position" with, but I have never expressed it or told them- for the reasons you mention. They didn't seem to be into it and I certainly wasn't going to press the issue.

There MIGHT be a way to subtly let someone know you are interested in, well, non-vanilla erotic play, but it would have to be really subtle, to test the waters, so to speak, and not be direct. And of course be carefully attuned to their response to such subtle inquiry- if there is no response other than a frown or a shrug, then you would have to just let it go.

Miki • Sep 22, 2023

.... but don't send such signals too soon. It can switch off those somewhat interested but who are not impressed by those too "easy"

helenvm • Sep 22, 2023

i have seen fantasies when thought about a lot go through some stages where they end up being tried

reality is often very different from the fantasy

Steellover​(sub male) • Sep 23, 2023

There was one instance where, I was dating a woman casually, and it was as vanilla as you could get; there wasn't even any sex - kinky or otherwise- or at least, I was hopeful for at least some vanilla romantic action, but it hadn't progressed to that point. I remember, we had gotten home from an outing where we had been walking out in the mud. After we got back, she complained about getting mud on her boots and didn't want to track mud in her car. So, I leaned over and helped clean them off with a rag. As I shined her boots, all sorts of naughty and kinky thoughts started to race through my mind. But yet, I didn't dare express them. I didn't say a word, nothing which might be taken as, well, "Awkward" to a straight, non-kinky person. I kept those thoughts to myself as close to the vest as possible- or so I thought. After a week, she basically called and said she didn't want to date anymore. I was crushed, because I really liked her, and I asked her then, was it something I said or did, and she said no. I don't remember any awkwardness, no arguments or disagreements, or anything like that.

So, I can't help but wonder if, somehow, she DID pick up on the wrong vibe, the "submissive, kink" vibe if you will, despite my efforts to not show it. And it bothered her. It's one of those things I torture myself with sometimes- was it such a subtle little thing like that which made me blow it? Nobody knows for sure but her- and it may have been something totally unrelated, but whatever it was, she wouldn't tell me.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Sep 23, 2023

Maybe she picked up on it and she was also feeling the same way and didn't want to make you feel awkward by suggesting it.