Collaring

Collaring

farashacaveluv • Oct 7, 2023

So I recently just asked my previous Dom to reinstate our connection and he agreed. So I'm trying to earn a collar by being slutty, etc. It makes me feel really happy. So what are some recommendations of things I can do to earn this at some point in the future? I believe ds relationships are more sacred than marriage/traditional relationships.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 7, 2023

Not trying to be an ass here, but i'd suggest asking your Dom. We do not know them and the D/s dynamic, imo, is a very individual thing. i've been in situations where one or both parties had this unspoken notion that their partner would know what they want or how they are feeling without actually asking them.
Waves hand lol.
When i was younger and in my first relationship, i used to literally get angry and frustrated because i assumed my previous wife knew how i felt or thought about something without ever having told her. It wasn't conscious on my part, i'd never learned how to communicate well. i was raised in a family where we didn't share stuff, so i developed people reading skills and again, thought that's how it was done. Later on i learned that people reading skills can easily be influenced by subjectivity, and transference.

All that said, i'm now an advocate for simply asking. Not always popular in D/s dynamic. i've encountered more than a few, on both sides of the slash, who want you to just somehow magically know what they want/feel/think. To me, that's a recipe for a lot of eventual anguish. As a guy, understanding my own inability to read minds/feelings was also the beginning of learning how to introspect, become self aware, and become more adept at articulating my own thoughts and feelings.

i think that lack of self awareness and/or the learned skill of how to share oneself is often behind the notion/expectation that it's the other persons responsibility or place to figure out what their partner needs/wants. A lot of guys (i imagine women too, but i think it's more prevalent with guys because of cultural norms) are not even aware that they are not self aware lol.
sorry, prolly more than you were asking for.

farashacaveluv • Oct 7, 2023

Oh. I was playfully asking for good suggestions. Of course, I would ask him as well. It's not given that I would just assume anything.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 8, 2023

Suggestion:

Slutty is cool, helping him get his rocks off-- great..

But if you want to be taken seriously-- put all this erotic shit on hold a bit and talk to the guy.


Not only might he doubt your sincerity if all you do is be a slut-- "he" might be tempted just enough to fuck your brains out and walk away.

and to be honest, I would not blame him.

-------------------------------------------------

Give the dick-slinger a chance to see and know that you're serious. Not just about the "fun" aspects of a BDSM dynamic but what's really under the hood.

Superficial yields superficial.

When I was active, "superficial" and "Flog me fuck me" was all I did--- but that was all I wanted.

But that's just me. You seem to be looking for more in-depth stuff.. An ongoing dynamic.

farashacaveluv • Nov 10, 2023

We haven't even had sex outside of oral. We are friends first and go do social things together as well. It's way more nuanced than you think. I've known him for 5+ years and we have a lot of mutual friends as well. There is no way he would abandon our connection in a significant way, even if we part ways on an intimate level.

StrictGentleman​(dom male) • Nov 11, 2023

You just proved Miki's point - the more you explain the more it sounds like you do not respect him as a Dominant (friend zoned) and you may not understand D/s or M/s enough to appreciate what collaring means (it's not a fashion statement in the kink world).

A good dynamic (short/long term, play/training session, superficial/deep, etc) not only requires trust on the competencies of who is leading but also an agreement for consensual activities. To give consent, one needs to understand what is giving consent to.

SweetOnez​(sub female) • Nov 11, 2023

I agree also ...
Being a submissive .I can understand the want for a collar.
But collars are a gift of ownership..not a pretty necklace or something that says your his.
It's a total unconditional partnership or relationship that goes way beyond what you want I believe. The collar is taken to be the greatest gift from your Dominant. You should not be asking for one.I have been in the lifestyle for over 30years.I have never asked for a collar.I have accepted them.but I myself would not ask.
And please don't think that he won't break your heart. He might. Your submission is heart body and soul. You stated you were a friend Mode? I believe? I know that you take a friendship and try to make it a 24/7 he might not like it .hang in there and see what happens. One submissive to another

meowineedhelp​(sadist trans man) • Nov 11, 2023

i feel bad for u girl.

why dont u look for jesus to dominate u instead?