What is it that you (subs) desire?

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 7, 2023

What do us subs desire?

This sub can only speak for his self. I cannot speak to everyone else's needs or wants.

What I desire is companionship, romance, love, and someone to share my life with. Not unlike most vanilla relationships, actually.
I desire a person who does not see my kindness as weakness, or my submission as un-manly, or my act of submitting merely as something to exploit for personal gain.
Someone whose wisdom and life experience I can learn from and trust.

And... kink. (Of course.) I won't elaborate further on this last thing.

Sweet Ginger​(sub female){⚓ } • Mar 7, 2023

Honestly, integrity and a sense of humor.

foxangel​(sub female) • Mar 23, 2023

Attention

I'mME • Mar 24, 2023

Not a thing wrong with that..

foxangel​(sub female) • Mar 24, 2023

some it is

I'mME • Mar 25, 2023

Then that is not your Dominant. (A play off of then those are not your people, lol)

cherilynn​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2023

First and foremost, Love and the ability to both give and receive love with the understanding that it is not a power struggle but a journey that we take together. Also knowing that when we don't necessarily feel it, it is a choice.

Acceptance. I want him to be real with me. To show me all the parts of him that are both good and bad knowing that I will accept him just as he is. I want to be real with him knowing that he will accept me just as I am.

Dependability. If I can't depend on him to be real with me, to keep his word, and not be wishy washy what's the point!?

Time. I want be a priority, not an option.

Peace. For me, this means that we can speak our mind and listen to one another without strife and defensiveness.

Direction. I get sidetracked. I need him to pull my hair and bring my back to him.

Lastly, I need him to believe in me. Believe in me when I am at my best and especially when I fall short. When we believe in each other, nothing is impossible.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Mar 26, 2023

if You can overlook the fact that i'm sub male, i think this will be true for a lot of sub females as well, i.e., that it is generally true.

i look for openness and the willingness to be vulnerable. i think many, on both sides of the slash, equate listening, asking questions, wanting to know everything about another, as giving. And it is, but i think a healthy relationship requires openness and vulnerability on both sides. i believe all healthy adults want and need to be wanted and needed, not just be served or have their needs/desires met. A lot of us subs find part of our fulfillment in pleasing our mate, but we cannot please Who and what we do not know.

Of course, vulnerability is built on trust and communication. So i generally sum up what i want as:

Compatability, that can only be determined through communication, that comes from understanding, trust, courage and willingness to be open/vulnerable.

Sololoquy • Oct 23, 2023

I'm a switch, but from the sub side, this is what I'm looking for in a Dom:

1. Love/compassion: Not talking about sexual love or romantic love. Just the more fundamental caring about my needs and wishes and being able to consider them as equal to their own, which also requires....

2. Understanding: If they don't understand me, how can they make decisions that are going to work for me? If they're in control of a vehicle and don't know how the vehicle works, they might be able to do well enough to drive safely, but not necessarily treat it well and get the best out of it. That requires patience and willingness to be...

3. Receptive: They need to really listen and not just to what I'm saying but also pick up on when I'm not saying something and should. And if I say something that doesn't seem fully relatable to them, then along with a willingness to listen and understand, it would be good if there was also...

4. Acceptance / Non-Judgement: We all have our quirks and foibles. I don't like being msde to feel stupid or ashamed or weird because of them. I'm not saying not to get into in-depth conversations and get me to consider my perspective in different lights, but I still need those discussions to be gentle, non-judgemental probing, and for me to be accepted even if there is disagreement.

5. Space: I need a lot of space to self-reflect and process things in my own way and my own time. Any Dom of mine would value the same things and structure would be simple, more minimalist, less high protocol.

Those are the main points, I feel.

CherryDrop​(sub female) • Oct 24, 2023

Similar to what others said before me every sub's wants and needs are different, I say the only common wants of each, and every sub are these 3 things; to be able to trust you and be trusted by you, to be dominated and to be safe in your care and feel safe with you during play and out of play. However, to directly answer your question I want my Dom to be honest with me, honest with his needs, allow me to be 'me' in and out of play, be open to trying new things, switching up my reward and punishments and most of all being verbal. I've always been the type of person to love routines and rituals but get bored of them over time if nothing is "spiced up" every now and then, and verbal orders, praise, discipline and overall affirmations and verbal communication has always been a huge need for me since I can be slow or "dense" on catching nonverbal hints and forms of communication. There's not much else I can think to add that others haven't already said except maybe mood setting and intimacy are things I want and love receiving from my dom. It helps put me into sub space and feel wanted on a deeper level than only being his submissive, but of course not everyone wants a romantically themed or 'strings attached' relationship with their Dom/sub etc.



With wishes and kisses,
Cherry