Is it needed to tell me that you're a nice guy?

I'mME • Oct 29, 2023

Fluffy,

100% this ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️. Nice doesn't mean what it used to.

Hyvals​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2023

You raise an interesting point. It's true that actions speak louder than words, and constantly reiterating that you're a "nice guy" or "safe and sane" can come across as trying too hard. Instead of repeatedly stating it in messages, demonstrating these qualities through your interactions and respecting boundaries can be more effective. After all, trust is often built through consistent behavior rather than just words in a profile or messages.

SouthernFire​(sub female) • Oct 30, 2023

I agree pushing it verbally is not a selling point. To mean I think they are trying to convince or remind themselves that they are safe and sane and nice. Personally after reading it three times, I'd move on.

I am not necessary nice but I am kind. I've limited patience with pushy disrespectful people. As I have told people before I come at you with the same energy you come at me. And I've ticked off a number of people. 🤷‍♀️

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 30, 2023

Exactly the same for me, although I never put a thick profile on any other site I was on. Spilling too much information leaves less to "talk" about when messaging.

I'm only here for the forums as well, and the couple -three messages I get in my Inbox. Light convo, a bit of back and forth and off they go to the next best thing which is perfect for me.

UpFromTheAshes​(switch gender queer) • Oct 30, 2023

I think...It's one thing to say it once, especially if it's relevant to say it. It's another thing entirely to keep repeating it frequently. People who feel the need to repeatedly say "I'm a nice guy" or "I'm a safe/sane person" are generally saying it because they frequently hear or are treated otherwise...which should be a red flag for you. There are two main reasons why someone might doubt that they are perceived as nice, safe, or sane....one is that they're not any of those things and therefore are not treated by most people as though they are (these people are usually predators and will prey on anyone who believes their frequent protestations that they're simply misunderstood by everyone else they come into contact with). The other is that they're a victim of abuse/gaslighting by a particular person or small number of people (in which case this mantra is a plea for validation BUT be aware that such victims also may engage in the same tactics being used against them by their abusers, and thus it often remains a lie until they get out of the abusive situation and begin working on themself)

Neither of these cases should necessarily be trusted with your vulnerability, though one may be helped to find a place where they actually are nice, safe, and sane....but they have to be committed to helping themself, first.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 31, 2023

In my experience when someone indicates "to be honest" --- that usually prefaces something I might not want to read/see.

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****Hypothetical: I'm not experiencing any car problems.****

Mechanic: "To be honest, this is a big job. might very well cost more than this car is worth."

This usually to the high school kid who is not a piston-head and needs to have work done on the $500 beater he bought from Harry Richards Use Car Lot.

(Right next to the offices of Dr. Phil Graves)

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My only experience with that when I wrote, "Not to put too fine a point on it but you need to see the dentist about your dinosaur breath."

But that's just me. I really don't have a filter. I write or text what I think without meaning to hurt anyone's feelings.

I show up during the day for a meeting (because the big shots make too much money to be in the place at night) --- and some boss -man comes in and his suit looks a bit rumpled I post: , "I'm sorry your iron is broken. I hate when that happens"

Or if someone comes in and the wind did a bit of work on their comb-over (to hide an expanding bald spot) -- "I have a comb if you want to borrow it."

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I know, not exactly a sweetheart am I?

Notely • Oct 31, 2023

Just in time for Halloween just squeeze the clown nose tell Them I don’t fine you nice your the guy lives in van down by the river. Exactly just act like one one without the pressure. They say
they are nice but really a 🤡 lol. Best to act natural be themself because forcing scare the right person away. Lovely day your eyes shine in the sun. You really embrace me. How are you on this fine day? I would politely like to get to know you.

Notely • Oct 31, 2023

They say : I’m a nice guy , I say : I think not boy in your wildest dreams this never going to happen. I just clicked with someone sorry we are Closed. Happy Halloween buy your self a gag gift in the shop. Be funny be silly have fun cause life is to short don’t wanna miss out on the good things in life. 👻🎃🍂

Re: Is it needed to tell me that you're a nice guy?

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 31, 2023

Oh hell yeah, my buttons are officially pushed, i may have even put something similar in the "what pisses you off" thread lol.

Like some others, to me this comes off as a scammer red flag or social ineptitude. i find it generic and it fails to qualify the person as even beginning to have a clue about what self disclosure means, or how to go about it. At best, it's like giving me a title without the book, or even a chapter. Geez, it's not even a preface. What i really love is getting a message like that, then going to their profile to learn more only to find:
"I"m a really nice guy. i love good food, good movies and long walks on the beach. i also love puppies and kittens and am looking for the love of my life."

i have come to see it as an expression of fear. A commercial came out several years ago with Andre Agassi for Cannon (cameras) with the declaration: "image is everything." To me, that has become sadly true of western culture, more concerned about appearance that actual substance.

"I'm a really nice guy."

What does that even mean? This thread has some fun examples of how that can mean totally different things depending on the writer or the reader. For instance, i find myself smiling about someone with a screen name like "LordofPain" writing a note to a stranger declaring they're a friendly guy. To me, giving or receiving pain is not something a "really nice, guy" does,, but to others, it is. Again, way too generic.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 31, 2023

@tallslender dude:

Yeah the more I think of it, that would be far better as a 3rd party remark such as, hypothetically, if I were to mention some guy giving me the eyes once in a while, not on a creepy level but apparently to indicate interest (poor bastard, I'd never go out with anyone who would ask me for a date" to modify the venerable Groucho Marx quote) But I digress. The response of the mutual friend would be "Oh, you mean Bob? He's a nice guy. Kind of a cheapskate but nice." (I had to add a bit of a backhand to that.)

Other than that, declaring oneself a nice guy would be best suited to sarcasm:

"Hey my brother's best friend is blind. When we stopped in to visit him last week I moved some of the furniture around in his apartment. Hey, what can I say, I'm a nice guy."


I always use similar sarcasm,-- always-- "I'm a sweetheart."-- when anyone who knows me at all-- knows better.