Dominants of every flavor

Dominants of every flavor

MCCheer​(sub female) • Nov 1, 2023

When entering a dynamic what is the first area you want "control" of over your submissive?

lambsone • Nov 1, 2023

Ooh, I can't wait to hear the answers. My Master would say her mind. He wants to dwell in my mind and wants me to think of nothing else. (In reality this isn't completely how it goes, but he is always dwelling in my mind, and I'm always aware of his presence there.)

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2023

It isn't about the control, it is about the surender.

So I turn the question back on you: What is it you are willing to surrender first?

Sololoquy • Nov 1, 2023

Her attention. As in listening to me and listening to herself.

lambsone • Nov 1, 2023

TopekaDom wrote: What is it you are willing to surrender first?

Turning myself over to a Dominant in the first place, and gving him my trust.

Sololoquy • Nov 1, 2023

For me, probably deference to knowledge/skills. I won't surrender for a long time when it comes to proving they know me well enough to trust completely, but demonstrating skills, expertise, sound judgement, appreciation of nuance - those things will make me pay attention and obey their instructions in that context. That would then extend into other areas over time.

Showing me that, as a rigger, say, they understand what they're working with, both in terms of the tools and techniques and the people involved, says a lot about their character, but learning to trust their judgement handling stuff is a foundation for learning to trust their judgement handling different layers of me.

MCCheer​(sub female) • Nov 1, 2023

Now I did not think about that but it feels like a very different question to me and I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's almost like a double edged sword.

So although I am submissive by nature, I do not offer my submission freely. When I fully give my submission to someone, I give him almost everything. I will not allow someone to negatively influence my relationship with my children (not that a good person would do that) nor have I been in a relationship where I have handed over control of my finances.
I'm sitting here clueless as to what I hand over first though, probably because I've only been in two dynamics . . . The first one I'm not sure I properly gave much of anything not related to sex but then I'm not sure he asked for too much more than that. In my last dynamic, I gave up everything and I think the first thing was "control" of my schedule, I'd ask first and had morning and bedtime rituals.
I can already tell this will stay bouncing around in my head for a while. Cause I'm still chewing on it.
Thank you for engaging my brain first thing.

LordofPain56 • Nov 2, 2023

Control isn't my bag at all. The first thing I would want to do in the beginning of a possible relationship is to show her where everything is in the house so she could begin feeling like it might be a place she could call home.
By reading my profile, she would already know that she does not need to do anything, since I have always kept a clean well-organized home (for which she would at least need to contribute to by cleaning up after herself. She would also already know that she is invited to watch me demonstrate for her all the things I do to reach goals around the house (be it cleaning, running errands, lawn-work or manufacturing/repair work out in the garage), if it suits her curiosity. It is also stipulated that some things she could not participate in when those things might place her in physical danger (especially heavy work in the garage). This would all occur during what I call the "courtship" phase.
Once a relationship is established, she is free to decide what she wants to do with her own hobbies or work outside the home, and I would be supportive of those things (unless they go against our religious beliefs or financial stability), but that would also be a known quantity before the courtship begins.
The dynamic here is that both partners would share in a common goal of happiness and harmony. If she rose from the kitchen table one night and decided that she wanted to do the dishes from now on, that would be fine with me. Either way, I'm content.

WastelandWarlord • Nov 2, 2023

Well wardrobe control is a traditional and fun one. Especially getting her to wear something a little sexier than she normally would, which I know makes her excited a little. Maybe add a choker to be risque.

I'mME • Nov 2, 2023

Telling them a secret , how they react.