Subs: what are some bad habits of FemDoms?

Solace​(dom male) • Aug 21, 2023

Specifically to all Male subs,

It is not fair, the situation(s) you may find yourselves in. Know that you should not have to pay anyone to fulfill your desires anymore so than your lady counter parts. Especially remember you are not such a burden or challenge that this should be demanded of you, this trade for affection and paltry cure for loneliness.

As evidenced by specific lines in this thread, the world can at times be callous to the problems of men. Likely, you don't need anyone reminding you of the way things are. I implore you to ignore this, and continue carrying on. To keep trying. To recall that you, and your submission are not so cheap as to be required to pay someone to exist. It is every bit as sacred as a ladies.

Perhaps I am wrong, but I find it uniquely challenging to be a male submissive. Find your value in and through this challenge and discipline. I don't know if the world will change for you, but it might just if it is held to higher standard. I hope it does, and I hope that these irrelevant words from a stranger act as some form of encouragement.

Good luck out there, myself and others are rooting for you.

RalinSerpente​(sub male) • Aug 21, 2023

My Mistress has a habit of ignoring me when Her outside life becomes stressful.

While I try to stay in submission, it sucks to feel ghosted until She is wanting.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Oct 2, 2023

Replace Mistress with human being. What bad habits do human beings have...now your brain is thinking you have the answers.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Oct 2, 2023

Comment; "guys shouldn't pay to receive their fetish service."

In my personal view if the guy doesn't want to give his time, effort, dedication in a long term relationship but instead wants what he wants when he wants it, then yes he should pay a reputable ProDomme for her time.

To stay safe and avoid the scammer after your wallet READ ProDomme reviews of the person you have chosen. No reviews? Do not book her. Simple.

Some guys go to fetish clubs for random pick up play, but there is risks that you won't be in safe or experienced hands.

Stay safe, be risk-aware in your kink exploits.

insubordinate​(sub male) • Oct 3, 2023

Greetings

I have read this thread with interest. Having had a couple of wonderful long time collars and now searching for another, it can be hard for a sub male (but who said life is easy...). Most "Dominants" that contact a male submissive all made the same demands - they don't wish to know anything about you except for the color of your money. Those are not true Dommes in my view.

When meeting a submissive for the first time, don't ask for a picture. Trust is something that is built up over time. Asking for a photo in these days of online extortion and blackmailing is not the way to start out with anyone. You would want Your sub to be honest, upfront and trustworthy - well the same thing is true of You. Like vanilla relationships, the relationship is bedrock - the kink is the delicious icing built on top. Take time to build the relationship.

Once in a collar, the hardest thing in my view is balancing submission and devotion with RT demands. Recognize that all of us have careers and other things in our life that need to be given oxygen as much as BDSM. There was a post herein of making dinner but one day the sub arrives home totally exhausted after a bad day. Anyone who cared about their companion would recognize that a bit of love and caring is called for and not to proceed to force the sub to make dinner in that situation.

Anyway these are a few of my views...

innie

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 3, 2023

i only have my perspective. i've experienced being a paycheck in a hetero vanilla relationship. Since accepting myself and living as a gay male, i can't count the number of times guys have wanted me to take care of them financially. i don't see it as a Dom/me trait, a gender trait, a sub trait. It seems individual to me, there are people who want to be taken care of financially. i have no problem with that if both parties want/need that. What i have a problem with is anyone who hides their true purpose.

To me, what absolutely kills any relationship is hiding and/or lying. i include "hiding" because i have experienced people who hide and then rationalize it. It is so hurtful when i find someone where we seem to get along on so many levels, then the hidden stuff inadvertently comes out. i'm not talking about the natural process of progressive self disclosure. i'm clear in all my profiles that i do not want to be sought after as someone who is going to provide for someone. Yet, in my experience that is usually a hidden agenda, and that is always rotten to find that out. i always feel tricked, lied to. i could say that about other things though too, not just money. There are things we all have that are central or foundational. It's my responsibility to communicate those things up front, but i think it's the readers responsibility to take those things at face value or at least voice any concerns or objections they may have.
Communication. Most serious people seem to understand the importance, but communication has lots of challenges. Communication with the goal of intimate connection/relationship is vulnerable business. One of the worst things i have experienced is people hiding, withholding their vulnerabilities in an intimate relationship.

Tremulous • Oct 4, 2023

I know I'm new here, and so probably don't have the right to throw in my opinion. But I disagree with this sentiment so fundamentally that I must make it known.
This is EXACTLY what should be done about anyone who significantly hurts or takes advantage of others. Social extradition is one of the most powerful forms of punishment for human beings and is totally justified. Yes you SHOULD warn others of someone's unacceptable behaviour. From my perspective it is like finding a landmine and deciding not to alert anyone because "Someone went to the effort of building it and putting it there, it would be a shame for it to go to waste."

Anyone who knowingly hurts others and is capable of understanding the consequences of their actions to themselves (let alone their victim.) Should be publicly shamed for what they have done. Lest they think that they can get away with doing it again. It is the only truly effective way of discouraging the perpetrator and any other onlookers from engaging in the same bad behaviour, in my opinion.

Sure people can change. But prevention is always better than triage.

TheEdge​(other male) • Jun 19, 2024

Those behaviors such as:

- Making the sub feel judged for what he/she likes
- Dampening the sub's potential by taking away too much rather than empowering them
- Being too scared of being wrong that being pointed out that they are wrong equals to drama and hours of ensuring them that being wrong has nothing to do with being a dominant.
- Not being honest with themselves in regards to jealousy and insecurities
- Filling gaps of their personality just to keep their partner/sub

...

Steellover​(sub male) • Jun 20, 2024

Well, let me apologize for coming across as snarky earlier, because I think I might have misunderstood... Not all submissive men are needy or constantly demanding of attention and, well, dominance. Not all female-led relationships are all kink all the time. Maybe that's where you are coming from? There are some women, I admit probably not that many, but they are out there- that do genuinely love the power of being dominant. And there some men who not only enjoy submitting, but also know how to do so in a way that makes it mutually pleasurable and not a "shitty job" for them to be dominated.

lambsone • Jun 24, 2024

I'm not looking for a femdomme but in several of the profiles I've read, it almost seems to me as they are mostly focused on themselves rather than a caring relationship between themselves and someone who submits to them.

I find myself shivering and thinking "who would want to turn themselves over to someone like that?" Almost as though they have to come across ultra tough because they're a woman and not a man. There's almost an evil edge to it, or an entitlement to be worshipped.

I don't get the same impression from most of the maledoms profiles. Even the bad ones.