Age Is Just A Number

MeraMera​(sub male) • Jul 22, 2024

I think this is topic that is underappreciated. Many who seek a partner in vanilla lifestyles tend to think age is such a determining factor, and it is, when raising children. When understanding how to deal with adult issues like long term finances, elder care, buying insurance, or just knowing age-health related problems. Politics, spirituality and world-knowledge is also a fine line of maturity.

Sexually, many dont care unless its "can you get excited anymore, are your hormones affecting your mood/interest, or is your back healthy, is that bursitis flairing".

I joke a bit here. But there are physical factors to age if you have a desire for features you might find appealing or distaste for unsightly age related body qualities. Gravity works folks!

But there are factors that definitely come into play when considering age and attraction for some. Recovery time and eyesite that affects everyone no matter who you are, in your 40s-50s+ (talking readers), stamina, skin issues from sun over time, hair loss/graying pigment loss) Just facts.

But (setting aside age related damage to brain and heart (the two are connected), a person you connect with on the love scale can be any age (moral of older than 18 is already considered).

Within the context of kink though, I dont think we can look past our submissive desires, desire for a submissive, dominant nature or fetishes/kinks that choose us. We are all born different as humans and there are many qualities that fit at any (18-100) range. This is not saying even those underage dont have desires (i remember having kink desires at 14). But dating and playing are a little different when an FLR, 24/7, LTR are desired.

For me, my taste is older men and women and others (10 year younger or older to my age) with exceptions. (This next bit is a gray area, cultural, belief system dependent, and can be true with older too) but younger people in 30s, 20s, can be mature yet mostly immature matches as they tend to like to go out and party, drink and risk with consumed experimentation. They are more social media/phone/tech dependent, stay up late past uncommon hours, have a wider net of friends, arent income restricted, they are still distracted by the shiny objects in life and obtaining "things". They work oddly more, have very active families, kids to raise, education to finish for some, havent experienced life/loss ratio, and their hormones are still manifesting selfishness in ways that are not consciously considered. They have more distractions sexually and the maturity leans toward typical adolescent behaviors. *some of these hold true for older people too!

There comes a point in life, that unless its the excitement "thing" for younget or older, daddys, mommys, or age play etc... being within your age group in a D/s context tends to be more balanced and patient and an understanding of realistic boundaries and limits becomes more accepted, acknowledged and understood (et al, above).

Wish I knew all of this early on in my 20s, 30s. But there is wisdom and a sexiness that is unmatched with aging. Thats what we benefit from as we step through life.

MeraMera​(sub male) • Jul 22, 2024

I wanted to edit this but couldnt, so here is an alternate with more direct points.

I think this is a topic that is really underappreciated.

Many who seek a partner in a vanilla lifestyle tend to think age is such a determining factor, and it is, when raising children or having things in common. This is especially true when needing to understand how to deal with adult issues like long term finances, elder care, buying insurance, or just knowing age-health related problems. Politics, spirituality and world-knowledge is also a fine line of maturity.

Sexually, many dont care unless its a physical attraction specific thing, "can you get excited anymore, are your hormones affecting your mood/interest, or is your back healthy, is that bursitis flairing, hemorrhoids again? What's that mole that appeared?".

I joke a bit here. But there are physical factors to age if you have a desire for features you might find appealing or distaste at an age like unsightly related body qualities. Gravity works folks! (I happen to love my wrinkles and battle scars.)

But there are factors that definitely come into play when considering age and attraction for some. Recovery time and eyesite disability that affects everyone no matter who you are, in your 40s-50s+ (talking readers), stamina, skin issues from sun over time, hair loss/graying pigment loss), prostate, incontinence, noneal odors. Just facts.

But (setting aside age related damage to brain and heart (the two are connected)), a person you connect with on the love scale can be any age (moral of older than 18 is already considered).

Within the context of kink though, I dont think we can look past our submissive/dominant nature and desires, desire for a submissive/dominant, or fetishes/kinks that choose us. We are all born different as humans and there are many qualities that fit at any (18-100) range. This is not saying even those underage do not have desires (i remember having kink desires at 14). But dating and playing are a little different when an FLR, 24/7, LTR are desired.

For me, my taste is older men and women and others (10 year younger or older to my age) with exceptions. (This next bit is a gray area, cultural, belief-system-dependent, and can be true with older too) but younger people in 30s, 20s, can be mature yet mostly immature matches as they tend to like to go out and party, drink and risk with consumed experimentation. They are more social media/phone/tech dependent, stay up late past uncommon hours, have a wider net of friends, arent income restricted, they are still distracted by the shiny objects in life and obtaining "things". They work oddly more, have very active families, kids to raise, education to finish for some, havent experienced life/loss ratio, and their hormones are still manifesting selfishness in ways that are not consciously considered. They have more distractions sexually and the maturity leans toward typical adolescent behaviors. *some of these hold true for older people too! For younger people reading this, know your desire for older is not looked down upon!

There comes a point in life, that unless its the excitement "thing" for younger or older, daddys, mommys, or age play etc... being within your age group in a D/s context tends to be more balanced and patient and an understanding of realistic boundaries and limits becomes more accepted, acknowledged and understood (et al, above).

I wish I knew all of this early on in my 20s, 30s. Id probably lived a more fulfilling respectable life. I wish they taught facts to me when I was young in school about human aging. We all go through it and it happens to all of us at different rates (stressor factor dependent). But there is wisdom and a sexiness that is unmatched with aging. Thats what we benefit from as we step through life.

Ironically. Im quite sure I didnt care enough to even listen when I was young as I was far too busy worrying about getting old.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Jul 22, 2024

@ MeraMera​(sub male) "...adult issues like long term finances, elder care, buying insurance, or just knowing age-health related problems..."

Yeah... duh... I don't think youngers and olders take up with each other without considering all of that. Yeah, I'm going to fade in the next ten years. I'll never be a burden to anyone, though, not even my children, I'll be gone before I'm not useful.

It's entirely a younger's choice to be in a relationship with an older. It's like having a pet, really. It's going to die before you do. If having love isn't worth losing love, don't do it.

You make good points about the balance of such a relationship. Unless the younger is of such "politics, spirituality and world-knowledge" that she is mature, it would be way too imbalanced to even consider. Some people have experience beyond their years, though, and find comfort in someone who relates to their experience better than their contemporaries. That the attraction goes beyond that of a fatherly friend may as well be explored, or whatever evolution there is to be gained from the engagement of kindred souls, falls by the wayside. There are so few people we truly connect with in this life, discarding anyone because of age seems self-defeating. We all have lessons to learn from each other regardless of age.

The realistic boundaries and limitations you speak of are real. There has to be a whole lot more than physical attraction and engagement happening in any dynamic, especially one involving a large age gap. Spirituality knows no boundaries or limitations, though. If we all existed as souls without bodies, I think we'd all be surprised at how much our physicality is seen through and not seen by... if that makes sense.

I appreciate the detailed if not exhuastive list of considerations you note in in your post. You are quite right about everything, and if someone's going to be in a relationship with a huge age gap, do it with your eyes wide open, having weighed every consideration. You owe it to each other to even talk about how long you expect it to last. At what degree of decline it needs to end and what you want the end to look like.

I'm hale, hearty, and fit, and I plan to stay that way well into my seventies, but that's not much time, about 12 or 13 years until I'm, I don't know a better word, less useful. I will fight and "rage against the dying of the light", but yeah... it will happen. Until then, I'll have some of my best years. If there's a grown ass woman who sees me deeply, and I her, I'm not going to reject her because she's too old or too young. If there's a chance she's the one, I'll take it.

lambsone{countrySir} • Jul 22, 2024

Excellent conversations you all.

MeraMera​(sub male) • Jul 22, 2024

@intenseoldman(dom male).

Absolutely agree with your points as well!

Im merely outlining a POV from when I was younger looking at this and helping those who might not be thinking of these things. There are so many areas beyond my grain of salt comment to this topic that can be seasoned. My intent is more of a general view and not absolute by any means. More for the bulk of the population who might not get the "duhs".

In my experience, Ive witnessed age as fetishism. There is obviously much more to it and its for them to decide and feel out. Most times though I've witnessed it as (need a good word here... not using but...) borrowing someone or some thing for a temporary stay or even soljourn on their kink path.

We could evaluate and dig much deeper and add more and more complexities to this. As you say, (some are beyond their years) yes, this is very true.

The spirituality view point you hold is absolutely true as well.

I appreciate your reply and candor to any points that may not be clear, not agree, or drift. I tend to write like a marathon runner. Exhaustive it may seem but its not without compassion, and mostly always an eternally optimistic view.

Best to you!

Susie Q{Daddy Ant} • Jul 24, 2024

I do not have a good reason for wanting someone my age or older. I just do. I do think a big part of it is that I just can’t imagine being with someone my children’s age or younger….seems strange.
Also, silver foxes… yum!!!

lambsone{countrySir} • Jul 24, 2024

I agree with you Suzue Q, Silver Foxes are yummy!!! My youngest brother who is 14 years my junior was named by me, fed, diapered, rocked, burped, bathed, played with, etc by me so it's a bit hard for me to visualize and emotionally accept a Dom at that age.

My last Dom here at the cage was 13 years younger (not a Silver Fox yet) and I protested his interest, but he had a way about him that drew me in. And a commanding voice that made me feel that he was older and more mature than myself. He was a natural daddy dom having raised two kids and has run his own business for many years.

Unfortunately he didn't have enough time for me in his life and slowly it began to wear on me in spite of the fact that I wanted to be a significant part of his life. I had to make the hard decision to set myself free to find someone who could give me the attention I needed in a deep relationship. But we still remain friends and I still salivate when I hear his voice ... lol.

chxrrybxrry​(sub female) • Jul 25, 2024

I've always had a natural tendency to be interested in men and women a bit older than me, about 5-10 years older (although, my celebrity crushes are much much older than me LOL). Admittedly, a few of the professors I have are rather attractive, and I've often found myself gravitating towards them, and I think the fact that they're older plays a part in it.

When I first started out, my first dom was older than me, and we had about a seven year age gap between us. I think that's probably the main reason why I prefer partners older than me. Now, this isn't to discredit the partners I've had that are/were around my age. Some were absolutely wonderful partners, and I know that they'd make the right person happy!

Vanilla dating wise, I don't have a problem with dating people that are my age, or are a year younger or older than me. However I do notice often that people around my age are a bit immature, even so to the point where it makes me roll my eyes at them and think "Really? You could've handled that a lot better," but I digress.

My current boyfriend is a year younger than me, and I wouldn't have a problem with it if he wanted to become my dominant. In fact, I think I'd prefer it, especially given the trust we've built and the relationship we have.

I think ultimately it is based entirely on preference, but I do think certain exceptions can happen!

LoveandDevotion​(sub female){Looking} • Jul 28, 2024

I think there are a few important factors age impacts (assuming 18+):
- life goals. Often these shift with age. Are you just looking to have fun? Wanting marriage and kids? Looking to retirement? Life goals need to align. Being in the same age range increases those odds, but doesn't guarantee anything.
- physical limitations. Like fertility age, mobility, etc. If you're a person who hikes every weekend and would like to do that with a partner, might be hard if they have arthritis in their knees. Breeding a woman past menopause isn't going to happen without a miracle or IVF in a country with lax rules. Libido can vary with age. And in our lifestyle, skin is less resilient to beatings as you age too.
- societal pressures. If you're looking for a long term relationship where they're going to meet your parents or friends or children, are they going to freak out? If so, does this matter to you?
- generational mindset. People the same age as you have experienced similar cultural events as you have and are more likely to resonate with similar things as you. That could be as shallow as liking the same pop stars to as deep as having been deeply shaped by the same traumas. Obviously people of the same generation can still be wildly different and people can click even if they're from different generations. But it matters. For example I am a millennial and the 2008 financial crisis deeply affected me as a young adult just trying to make it in the world. One of my peers married a Gen Xer and I was asking her about if the age was an issue and she told me that while he was older, he had been coming of age as a computer guy in Silicone Valley during the dot com bust. He'd had a very similar experience to us of financial downfall humbling him as a young adult and so they understood each other's life experience, despite a 13 year gap.

So... If those things align despite an age gap, great. But often they're much, much more likely to align with someone close in age with you. I actually cast a wide net and was open to men much older and somewhat younger... But I ended up finding my match in a man who is only 6 months apart from me.

Sincorrigible​(sub female) • Jul 28, 2024

Age is a number.

Numbers have meaning.

Absolute ones, and implied ones.

You can be open to exploring the implied, but like everything in life, experience gives you general rules. And saves time. Yeah, you *might * miss out on a great opportunity. But if you have a good amount of experience, a modicum of intelligence, and sound self awareness and esteem, you will save yourself, and them, a great deal of time.