Relationship Desires M

Relationship Desires M

Solace​(dom male) • Nov 17, 2024

What generalizations, if any, can be said about what men want from a relationship?

Gentlemen, I believe this topic is most interesting if we allow brave ladies to offer what generalities they believe men want. I also believe it will be most effective if allow comments to accumulate and when it does appear appropriate to respond we reply respectfully and keep the space safe for their dialog and thoughts even should we disagree with their world view.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Nov 17, 2024

I don't think men want anything much different than what women want. I see the vast majority of men on this site--and elsewhere--saying they want a long-term relationship with someone they share a deep connection with. They want trust, loyalty, security, understanding, validation, affection, attention. intimacy--all the same things women want. I think this idea that men and women want different things is bullshit, to be frank. It's just a ploy to make us think we're against each other when we aren't. Just my opinion.

lambsone • Nov 18, 2024

Of the Doms I've had conversations with at the cage, it seems to boil down to their attention being riveted to online sex of some form. Their enthusiasm seems to wane when anything else is discussed or type of tasks they wanted performed.

None of them attempted to build a genuine relationship even if their profile indicated all the good things healthy relationships consist of. Hardly any of them asked me genuine questions about myself or spent time getting to know me as a person. If they did, it was short lived, and we were onto something about themselves.

I'm talking about those who were interested in a relationship. Very little relationship building occured. There's so much more to a person than just their sexual side, even in BDSM relationships. If you aren't excited about the whole me, then you really aren't interested in a genuine relationship with me.

RoseUndressed​(sub female) • Nov 18, 2024

I often hear from women on here, or from female friends, that all they really want is to be heard. To be understood. And I feel the same came be said for men.

It has been said that I can get blood from a stone. That leave me with a person for 5 minutes and I will have their deepest life story. Leave me 10 and I'll have their deepest desires. I pride myself on it. I make exceptionally good money from it as a dancer who is hired, more often, for her listening skills than her body or ability to dance.

Ask any adult dancer, and they will tell you that listening, hearing without judgement, and allowing honesty and vulnerability is the largest part of their job. And I think that is because it is what all people really desire - to be heard.

Solace​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2024

RoseUndressed,

I think you make an interesting point but I also think you are an exception. I think that men do at times wish to talk about their lives, but I don't believe they often enjoy doing it with people close to them. Rather I suspect you to be a stranger they don't expect to meet again, someone they can vent to without consequences for those who do seek it. I also suspect that your clients are men who lack a strong capacity to do this in their regular life so they are particularly drawn in when intimacy is offered.

Solace​(dom male) • Nov 19, 2024

Hi B L O N D I E,

I'm no so convinced. I certainly posit you could be correct but there are implications to what you are saying that the general public would not support.

I recognize this could be landslide fallacy but if I understand you correctly that you are arguing men and women are sufficiently similar, then we must say that men offer no significantly unique perspective and ladies offer no significantly unique perspective.

Thus many of the efforts to place ladies in male dominated spaces under the premise of diversity value is a dud goal. It is important to distguish for the general audience that is not a dud goal in the name of enabling ladies to do and get what they want from life. Merely that no intellectual benefit from thought diversity can be gained, which is a significant justification offered for these pushes to motivate ladies into picking these spaces of their own volition.

I don't think many are ready to accept that premise though. Thus if women and men do have different perspectives, then it stands to reason they would have different perspectives on what they seek from relationships.

I think it's very romantic and even desirable to say that men and women want the same things from relationships. At a high level and reductive view (which is at times an effective way to view things) I would say on paper you are exactly correct, just as how you posed your argument. But in important nuance and the reasons why men and women want things, experience suggests your world view does not quite snap into place.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Nov 19, 2024

I didn't say they were similar at all in their perspectives or anything else. That wasn't your original question. You asked what they want--presumably from relationships.

I think you're creating these differences where none exist. We're all human and we all have the same human needs and feelings. It's a grave mistake for either side to point at the other and say they're a different species and we aren't capable of empathizing with each other and realizing that we're all on the same page here. I don't say we're all the same or that we have the same perspectives, tendencies, and capabilities, but underneath it all, we are human.

It doesn't work for one half of the population to alienate the other or demonize them or make it out that they don't understand us because they're too different. Going into relationships with this attitude is what has caused us to get into this mess in the first place.

It works much better to enter the arena with the understanding that we're perfectly capable of understanding each other because we share more in common than we differ on. We can find common ground precisely because we have different perspectives, capabilities, and strengths. We can work together rather than against each other, but we have to emphasize our common goals, interests, and needs and make them our focus rather than focusing on our differences, which is what I believe your original question did.

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Nov 19, 2024

As an example, taking your three items from your first post on what women want, I would challenge you that men want emotional support and security just as much as women do. I would challenge you to come up with a list of items that men want that women DON'T want and vice versa. The list doesn't exist because all human beings want emotional support and security. It's fundamental to our nature. We wouldn't try to get into relationships with each other if we didn't want the same things.

As for your comments about women seeking wealth and resources, this is a vast generalization that doesn't comport with reality. Women want strength, maturity, boundaries, mental stability, and fortitude of spirit in men. Women will happily give their hearts to men who are penniless and hideously ugly if the men are strong in character, authoritative, and determined.

Women who do seek wealth from men or form relationships based on available resources do not give their hearts. They don't love these men and they don't respect them. The women come to hate these men, look down on them, and cheat on them

RoseUndressed​(sub female) • Nov 19, 2024

I dont think I'm an exception. I think the want to be heard is a very human trait and something that makes us all feel understood and valued. It is something I have experienced from people both professionally and personally. Significant partners have said that is one of the things they have most valued in relationships - the space to be free and open, to be listened to and understood, and accepted.

I think the difference in genders around this comes from societal expectations. Men, typically, are taught not to open up - that to be vulnerable in a relationship is, somehow, demeaning. Yes - this means a lot of men seek safe places outside of a relationship where they can be more open about their vulnerabilities or at times their desires (which for many is a vulnerable space to explore). However, I would say these men lack something in their relationships - something they desire and therefore have to seek elsewhere. Perhaps the relationship is flawed if that need (and i think it's quite a basic need) cannot be met.

RoseUndressed​(sub female) • Nov 19, 2024

"I think that men do at times wish to talk about their lives, but I don't believe they often enjoy doing it with people close to them."


This statement also makes me very sad. If you can't talk about your life with someone who you are close to - then perhaps you're not that close.