Age In The BDSM and D/s Lifestyle

Age In The BDSM and D/s Lifestyle

Dom Con​(dom male) • Oct 17, 2018

Good Evening All, Hope this post finds you all well.

So I have been a member of the Cage for a while now and have had the immense pleasure of conversing with many members on here, and find you all, well just amazing really Dom and sub alike.

The only thing which continues to surprise me is to see how many of you are surprised be me...or more accurately by my age and experience.

I just wondered if this is common with any other Doms of a similar age as myself, or subs who have been with a Dom of a similar age and if this is a common situation or am I fairly unique in being a Dom at my age and such, Being currently 26 and having almost 8 years experience of being and accepting myself as a Dom...(suffice to say basic mathematics tells you I discovered my Dom tendencies at a fairly young age).

It's a topic which has played on my mind for a while now, and I find myself curious to gauge other people's experiences and knowledge regarding this.

I am a fairly open book and I am really looking forward to hearing people's experience with Doms around my age or younger even, or if I am a 'rare case' as it where.

Thank you in advanced for reading my post, and I wish you all a wonderfully kinky evening.

Dom Con

Bunnie • Oct 18, 2018

Hi @ Dom Con. Great post. I’ll be interested to see the responses. As someone who is attracted to men a fair bit my senior, I myself haven’t had much experience with anyone around your age or younger. Those that I have spoken to, and at times become friends with, have mostly been inexperienced and learning. I guess my curiosity leads me ask what kind of experience you’ve had? Do you mean privately, or within the bdsm community? I think this is a great topic to open for discussion. I’ll be interested in following it to see the thoughts and ideas from others, and hopefully those similar to yourself

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2018

its not rare to find some "Dom" in your age range, actually a lots these days....whats rare its if they really are what they called themselves. I have seen on other sites younger than you with similar years of experience, which make them started bdsm when they were 16...?
Some sub like to have a Dom in their age bracket for some vanilla reason.
So you said you have years of experience? You said +10 years experience on your profile but 8 years here? its up to the sub to found out and hopefully she hasnt made a mistake to trust you. As long your mistake doesnt make her end at the hospital, or not trusting any other Dom.....
in my opinion

CrimsonPaw • Oct 18, 2018

Hi dom con, I've come across many who are under 30 years old. I'm not really surprised by younger men claiming to be doms. I fully believe they are here to learn and gain experience and I welcome them to the community.
What would surprise me is someone in that younger age bracket that has the emotional stability, wisdom, and experience that draws me to Dom's over 45. I'm sure there are younger men who have matured in those areas, it would just take me a bit longer to develop the trust to find out.
I'm glad you've found the Cage, and I hope you find what you're looking for. This was a great question. I'm looking forward to reading more responses.

Samsea​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2018

Hi Dom Con, good call re the age thing, and I guess I fall into the same bracket as Ame who makes some really good comments.

I feel that 'life experience' plays such a big part in how we, (in vanilla life and BDSM play as well) interact with one another. I had a brief flirtation with BDSM when I in my mid twenties, it started when we both were mucking about and turned from fun rough and tumble to "oh that was nice Sam can you hold me tighter, do it in a different position etc" So it was a case of learning as we went.
Would I have reacted the in the same way, with respect and understanding and then talk through what we were both experiencing as it was new to both of us if I was nearly a decade younger...?

If I was able to talk to my 16 year old self would I have been able to talk it through sensibly and objectively, with my hormones raging at that age I doubt it. The only thing I will say is that being in my 60's the information and self enlightenment today means the younger generation have the information to hand that I never did. Remember that same sex was outlawed back then; so times have changed in so many ways.

I have been on some really crap 'adult sites in my time' The Cage rocks...
Sam

LetGogirl{No} • Oct 18, 2018

Hello,
I am new to site and new to this. I was in a two year relationship with a man who when we met was 23 and I was 44.....gulp...However, the age with us wasn't a factor for me at the time....My son was 5 years old at the time and it was only after this young man was no longer in our lives that my son had told me he honesty thought ...Lets call him Charles... was older than me. We lived together for two years...I liked to say then thar he only had control in the bedroom...but it wasn't true...I let him come right into our lives and take control.....I made some bad decisions...thinking .I was just totally in Love....I had just come out alive..Thank God from a horribly mentally and sometimes physically abusive marriage...I net Charles who came in taking my responsibilities away from me and never called me names or threatened me. He gave me multiple orgasms...that I never knew I was capable of having and It came ti be that he owned my body and it was just to me basic stuff we did...i didnt think of it as Dom or Sub..or a practice studied.
It was the words he used...how ge trained my body to cum on his command...how it was his wgen and whetever and I promised whatever he told me I would comply and I meant that... Hell if I ran into him tonight I may be on my knees for him on the spot.
I guess its not so much the actual acts but the philosophies and giving him that power that control. It eased my mind giving him control. I still miss him sine days. It took me 2 damn years aching 4 him before I had good s3x agsin....Kid ruined me i thought....ughh and ahhh Charles....he is how i ended up here...wanting to feel...not feel again...si much more.
He never "claimed" to be Dom or anything...He just took charge. He was the most intelligent man I had ever met....and I had my Master's Degree+ We would stay up talking all night....well he lied and cheated in the end and lost my trust....it was just the Dominance I missed.
I am still learning to trust my own judgement with men after Charles...but I do yearn for

Dom Con​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2018

Hello all,

Firstly can I say thank you all for your comments, I'm simply blown away by how many I have received this far already, and thank you all for each of your replies and comments on this post.

So I will answer as best I can top down as it were -

@ Bunnie - To answer your question my experience has both been private I have had the immense fortune of having / owning 5 previous wonderful subs and within the community, having attended various gatherings, meetings, seminars and so forth, I absolutely love the community as a whole and been very fortunately to have I would say mostly 95% positive experiences throughout that time, everyone is mostly so open and collectively encouraging, it really is such a great environment and community, which I think only helps to drive my passion forward continuously, hopefully this answers or draws light on your question(s), and again thank you for you comment.

@ FabSeverus - Having not been on other sites for a fair while, from what I remember, I agree it does seem to be increasing, do you think this is due to knowledge being more readily available (internet availability, self-awareness etc) or potentially more on a negative view that the BDSM / D/s community / lifestyle is being skewered by people not so much interested of it's core values but as a way to essentially 'get their leg over' it is a worrying concept but I hope that this isn't the case.
As for my years experience you are correct, but I like to view the two in a retrospective way, the same duration but in different contexts so 10 years overall, but actually being a Dom for roughly 8 years, (as you have worked out quite correctly I 'found' myself at around 16 but due to the obvious legal restrictions club entrance, events etc are 18+ I like to use this as a basis for actually being...well active as it where, hope that makes sense).
And I agree with your last statement about always being and carrying a high level of safety and responsibility in any situation, especially as a good few kinks can be of significant risk or carry a significant risk of both danger or harm if performed poorly or such...
Hope these give you some answers, and again thank you for your comment.

@ Ame - It's wonderful to know you have met Doms of that age bracket and under, I hope most left a good impression with yourself, and any others they conversed with.
I like to think that hopefully it would be a mixed bag of some that are just now finding themselves and others that are experienced and in the age bracket I find myself, I think life itself plays a big role in shaping a persons emotional stability, wisdom and ultimately experience and not necessarily age (granted the more years you have lived means more experiences you would have had in all aspects of life as a general rule mind you) I myself have always found I 'fit' in easier as it where, with people well above my age group, both male and female, and that goes for all aspects of my life from social, to work, to personal and sensual.
I think it is all a matter of perspective and solely on the individual(s) present to help correlate that better, I also very much value what you have said that you identify that there is younger Doms out there who you suspect carry the experiences, knowledge and such older Doms have but for you it would take a bit longer to grow or develop the trust that is required, and I appreciate and respect that greatly.
Hope this Makes sense, and again Thank you for you comment.

@ Samsea - I apologise in advanced if my reply doesn't seem as lenghtly as others but I feel alot was covered in previous answers and such, but I agree with your statement completely, from where I am today to where I was 4 - 5 years ago, I'm a completely different person, being the age you now are with the experiences and such you have had, I have no doubt in my mind the information you would pass down to your younger self would be frankly huge...
Following on from what I replied to @ FabSeverus that is exactly why I use two different years of experience as it where to be realistic and identify that yes although I was aware I was or had dominate traits, and I may have gathered experience, I wouldn't like to focus specifically on my younger years as a basis of knowledge, with hormones and such playing such a massive and significant impact on how I viewed or remembered it specifically, even how I perceived it entirely.
But that is the beauty of life I suppose, as people we are constantly growing and changing and that goes hand in hand with a lifestyle such as this, I like to believe.
And lastly again you are very right, information availability, awareness and such has come on leaps and bounds in such a short space of time (depending on one's own point of view) which is amazing, and I do believe if it is used in a positive and constructive manor, it can help people - younger people to find who they are or what they identify with earlier I imagine, which I hope is treated with respect for them and the community, again hoping it is utilised in a positive and constructive manor by those individuals .
Again thank you for you comment, it is greatly appreciated.

@ LetGogirl - Wow thank you for sharing such a deep and personal experience, it is more than I could have asked for...
All I can really say to it is i'm glad you had the experience and enjoyed it but also filled with sorrow it ended in such an unfortunate way.
It seems from what I can take from your message, that you have been through alot and come out the other side, yes it was a struggle and painful, but you did make it out the other side and you being here shows me you haven't let it beat you down or push you away from the lifestyle you enjoy and identify with.
I'm glad to know that you have had an relationship with such a large age difference but you talk about it positively (albeit the ending and such) and that makes me happy to know others not only accept it but also embrace it, as well as identifying that even though he was significantly younger than you, you could appreciate him for his intellect on a level similar to your own, with all your qualifications and such, which is amazing.
Thank you again for sharing your comment and experience with us, and I wish you all the best in your search and happiness.

Now to wrap this up, I apologise that this will come out as a giant essay, but just want to say once more thank you all for your comments, questions, thoughts and experiences this is exactly what I was saying earlier about this community being so positive and supportive, and why it fuels my passion so.

I wish you all a good day, and look forward to hopefully speaking with you all in the future or such.

Dom Con

AGE

LatexHer​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2018

Hi @ Dom Con.

Interesting post! Age is a state of being often defined by the person period of life. When I was in my mid-teens I once owned a pair of handcuffs, which I took to high school with me! I was intrigued by how many girls enjoyed and asked to be cuffed! As I progressed in years I found myself attracted to those women who enjoyed their more submissive roles during bedroom play. During this time of my life 20-30, I became more interested in the utensils used and were readily available through adult magazines or stores. I further derived some pleasure by constructing devices which I used to restrain my ladies as a prelude to play - you have to love the Home Depot!
By the time I reached 40, my interests had peaked and so had my fetishes. Of course not every woman enjoyed every play or device which got me rock hard, but mostly due to their trust in me were willing to explore those with me!
I have met and still remain friends with many Doms in the prime age groups of 30-55. Now as I am encroaching on 65 myself, I have found that some of the older Doms are suffering from age-related physical constraints, mainly due to health reasons, while others no longer practice D/s.

To me - speaking strictly as a lifetime Dom, These are the best years of my life! I now play with women in their 30 forward, and rarely engage with anyone younger!
I believe that the 30s are an ideal time to get to really know oneself, your sexual preferences, and to appreciate these differences in others! Many people do not take the time to educate themselves in our lifestyle or in the many various ways we humans can enjoy the gift of sexual pleasures bestowed upon us!
Today, I no longer bother with D/s clubs, or the munches and sloshes I used to frequent as a younger dude! Today people find the internet most accommodating when searching for play partners, lovers, and submissives! We all should really appreciate the AGE we live in!

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Oct 23, 2018

Hello Sir!
So i am now 30 and i have been active as a submissive for 11 years however, i think i really started discovering my submissive tendencies as well as my pansexuality around the age of 12. I didn't know all of the terms for everything but i knew how i felt. So i would say that you are not unusual at all

I have had a lot of experiences with different Doms (men and women) and i have seen some differences. I would say that years of experience only provides permanence. The thing i look for is culture/exposure. How many communities have they been a part of? What kind of education do they have on BDSM as a lifestyle? Have they attended any classes/seminars? Read any books/articles? Or have they gotten the idea that they are a Dom because they watched a bondage porn one time?

Obviously, time in the lifestyle makes it more likely that they are cultured as well, but it's not a guarantee. I think it's important to make the distinction. Because someone with no culture, but have been "active" for a long time, often have bad habits and misconceptions that are deeply trained in them.

This of course goes for submissives as well!

Anyway, thank you for reading Sir, i hope that it was interesting for you

LordofPain56 • Oct 24, 2018

I was about 15 when I discovered that I was a deviant, but I suppressed it. Not because of any thoughts of guilt or shame (because I don't believe it is wrong nor immoral), but because at that time in my life I had plans that I was working toward which I felt that taking up with a partner might somehow cause the direction I wanted for my life to go haywire.
It was not until 20 years later, after I had achieved the goals I had, that I met a girl who wanted to come home with me. So I told her she didn't know what she was getting into and I explained to her that she would be placed in bondage, spanked, flogged and be expected to submit to unspeakable acts of orgasmic cruelty.
Her eyes popped right out of her face, but she ended up going with me. She turned out to be a priceless submissive and took the heavy suede flogger better than anyone else I ever played with. We kept seeing each other for a couple years, till she disappeared.