| tsi(sub female) |
1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
What is Subspace, and Is It Normal to Feel Sad or Anxious in
Hi everyone,
I’m trying to better understand subspace and how it affects different people. Personally, I’ve noticed that I often feel sad or anxious when I’m in subspace, especially after punishments. Is this a normal reaction? Does anyone have tips for managing these feelings when you’re alone? I’d really appreciate any advice or insights based on your experiences. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. |
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Online now
That Berry Lover(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
I've only been around for less than a year and have little experience. However, I have experienced sadness when in the subspace. In my experience, I would try to communicate with my Dom about it or question myself on whether the type of play is something that I really wanted.
There are so many different ways to explore and practise BDSM, if something doesn't feel right, you should explore other options until it does but also place boundaries. From my experience and from stories I've heard, I think we are sometimes so eager to please that we ignore our own pleasure (or red flags). |
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dollMaker(dom male)
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1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
While in it, I would say, in general no, you should not be feeling sad. Afterwards yes, that is possible fallout from being high, in a transcendent state of being that play can take you. This is called bottom, or sub drop, and there is a converse for doms, top or dom drop. Should also be said, not everyone, whether top or bottom experiences any type of drop.
The amount and type of energy created during activity, play, even only in the company of your kink other, can produce a massive surge of various chemicals, a natural high, and after that fades, for some this can be after a few days, others not long after the surge occurs, produces a natural drop, both mentally, physically and emotionally. Its important that an after care, re connection strategy is in place , in order to help, mitigate these after-effects. So its vital whomever you are involved with provides you with aftercare, and aftercare that is tuned to what you need. In saying all that, feeling sad in an actual punishment situation is not what I would call subspace, its more a mix of emotional aftereffects of feeling you have let your top/dom down, yourself, whatever the context is that created the punbishment, and being swept up in those emotions. Outside of a Ds, Ms, or any dynamic with formal rules and punishments in place punishments become funishments, so not based on a failure, but rather some role play, or just because the top/dom, and you want to do whatever. I would expect subspace to come about in those circumstances and not an actual pubnishment. In saying that though, people are different and its possible a mixture of emotional effects could be mixed in with subspace ones, coming from enjoying the sensations - even within the context, circumstances. There is no normal, no cookie cutter sert of reactions, as we are all different and play, type, all of it must be tailored to suit the people involved and that varies. I won't punish a masochist, pain lover with any type of physical impact but rather something they will hate, rather than get pleasure from. Hope the above helps. |
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B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
I agree with dollMaker. I would also add that it is natural for you to feel both sad and anxious after a punishment. It's natural for you to feel sad that you disappointed your dominant or displeased him/her in some way. It's also normal for you to feel anxious about whether your dynamic is still in good shape despite your behavior. Both of these can be alleviated by you reconnecting with your dominant, telling them how you feel, and getting their assurance, first that they are prepared to let the matter pass, and second that your dynamic is in good shape. This should have been part of the aftercare involved in the punishment itself, but it's normal for you to need that reassurance later as well. You should talk to him/her, express how you are feeling, and hear from them whether/if everything is okay between you.
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| tsi(sub female) |
1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
dollMaker wrote: While in it, I would say, in general no, you should not be feeling sad. Afterwards yes, that is possible fallout from being high, in a transcendent state of being that play can take you. This is called bottom, or sub drop, and there is a converse for doms, top or dom drop. Should also be said, not everyone, whether top or bottom experiences any type of drop.
The amount and type of energy created during activity, play, even only in the company of your kink other, can produce a massive surge of various chemicals, a natural high, and after that fades, for some this can be after a few days, others not long after the surge occurs, produces a natural drop, both mentally, physically and emotionally. Its important that an after care, re connection strategy is in place , in order to help, mitigate these after-effects. So its vital whomever you are involved with provides you with aftercare, and aftercare that is tuned to what you need. In saying all that, feeling sad in an actual punishment situation is not what I would call subspace, its more a mix of emotional aftereffects of feeling you have let your top/dom down, yourself, whatever the context is that created the punbishment, and being swept up in those emotions. Outside of a Ds, Ms, or any dynamic with formal rules and punishments in place punishments become funishments, so not based on a failure, but rather some role play, or just because the top/dom, and you want to do whatever. I would expect subspace to come about in those circumstances and not an actual pubnishment. In saying that though, people are different and its possible a mixture of emotional effects could be mixed in with subspace ones, coming from enjoying the sensations - even within the context, circumstances. There is no normal, no cookie cutter sert of reactions, as we are all different and play, type, all of it must be tailored to suit the people involved and that varies. I won't punish a masochist, pain lover with any type of physical impact but rather something they will hate, rather than get pleasure from. Hope the above helps. Thank you for the reply . The sadness isn't really sadnesss I feel because of the “crime “ I committed and because Ibe disappointed him . Because I feel this intense sadness even in normal scenes where I’m enjoying myself. It’s like a switch happens and I feel very anxious and sad . Most of the time I snap out of it after a little while but it is emotionally very draining . During that time I’m in it ( whatever this feeling is called ) I wanna say I almost feel some sort of resentment towards him As for aftercare , can I ask for aftercare after a punishment? Doesn’t defeat the entire purpose of a punishment? |
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B L O N D I E(sub female)
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1 week ago •
Dec 13, 2024
tsi wrote: dollMaker wrote: While in it, I would say, in general no, you should not be feeling sad. Afterwards yes, that is possible fallout from being high, in a transcendent state of being that play can take you. This is called bottom, or sub drop, and there is a converse for doms, top or dom drop. Should also be said, not everyone, whether top or bottom experiences any type of drop.
The amount and type of energy created during activity, play, even only in the company of your kink other, can produce a massive surge of various chemicals, a natural high, and after that fades, for some this can be after a few days, others not long after the surge occurs, produces a natural drop, both mentally, physically and emotionally. Its important that an after care, re connection strategy is in place , in order to help, mitigate these after-effects. So its vital whomever you are involved with provides you with aftercare, and aftercare that is tuned to what you need. In saying all that, feeling sad in an actual punishment situation is not what I would call subspace, its more a mix of emotional aftereffects of feeling you have let your top/dom down, yourself, whatever the context is that created the punbishment, and being swept up in those emotions. Outside of a Ds, Ms, or any dynamic with formal rules and punishments in place punishments become funishments, so not based on a failure, but rather some role play, or just because the top/dom, and you want to do whatever. I would expect subspace to come about in those circumstances and not an actual pubnishment. In saying that though, people are different and its possible a mixture of emotional effects could be mixed in with subspace ones, coming from enjoying the sensations - even within the context, circumstances. There is no normal, no cookie cutter sert of reactions, as we are all different and play, type, all of it must be tailored to suit the people involved and that varies. I won't punish a masochist, pain lover with any type of physical impact but rather something they will hate, rather than get pleasure from. Hope the above helps. Thank you for the reply . The sadness isn't really sadnesss I feel because of the “crime “ I committed and because Ibe disappointed him . Because I feel this intense sadness even in normal scenes where I’m enjoying myself. It’s like a switch happens and I feel very anxious and sad . Most of the time I snap out of it after a little while but it is emotionally very draining . During that time I’m in it ( whatever this feeling is called ) I wanna say I almost feel some sort of resentment towards him As for aftercare , can I ask for aftercare after a punishment? Doesn’t defeat the entire purpose of a punishment? You should be getting some kind of acknowledgement from him that you're forgiven and that you're both putting the matter behind you. It doesn't have to be what you normally do for aftercare after a normal scene like cuddling or whatever you do. You should have at least some check-in that it's over and that neither of you is holding onto any kind of resentment over what happened. If you are feeling this kind of negativity even during normal scenes, it sounds like there is a deeper problem at work. You should talk to him about it and dig a little deeper to find out what exactly is causing this reaction. I would say that, as long as everything else in your relationship is going well, he has the right to know about this because it will end up affecting him, too--if it doesn't already. |
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TwinkleEyes{N/A}
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1 week ago •
Dec 14, 2024
Your feelings are normal. Impact play of any kind is a high. What goes up must come down. The more you receive the higher you go. If it’s everyday then you’ll go even higher. Though ⚠️ about doing it everyday when someone isn’t taking care of you.
2 dark squares of 70% chocolate can help boost your mood, deep breathing and meditating, and walking for 10 minutes will boost mood for 2 hours. Talking about your feelings like you’re doing here is also helpful. For myself there is a difference between sub space, masochist space, and sexual space. All 3 affect my brain and body. Sexual space- high from all the endorphins. Short lived. I don’t need aftercare. Sub space- for me is the quieting of my mind from my over thinking. Happens when I hear their voice, see them, or a text comes through that tells me to take deep breaths. It’s the wanting to please my D type. To make them happy and pleased. After the D type is gone I feel anxious. A responsible D type will ease you off. Taking care of you less and less until you can be on your own. I’ve helped past s types find new partners and am still available for some when they need me. Masochist space- Is the most intense for me. I like a lot of pain. I use as a way to deal with my own pain. I go deep into myself loosing myself. It starts off as anxiety and if my sadist doesn’t do aftercare we agreed to I go into a panic mode. Resentful towards the sadist. And I don’t like myself when I’m not taken care of after. I don’t shower, eat, or know what to do with myself. My last maso drop lasted 7 days. Luckily I have kinky friends who helped me through it. I started a journal this last time. Read about it on a blog on another site. I kept track of how I felt, what the sadistic did and didn’t do according to our negotiations, how I reacted, and what we both said to each other. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. It helped me recognize my gift wasn’t being honored. I’m thankful another kinkster taught me to journal about the experiences down to details. Happy kinky journey into yourself. |
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Cello Trance{for You}
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1 week ago •
Dec 14, 2024
I'm not gonna pretend that I fully understand your situation. I don't. What I do understand as a Dom and in my case, a HypnoDom is to provide the sub ( or slave) with the best possible tender, loving aftercare. I spend a lot of time in aftercare after each hypnotic session to make sure that when the person comes out of trance, they feel warm, loved, cherished, cared for… And I make sure that they feel like that the rest of the day ..I do this through suggestions and trigger words. As a daddy Dom, it is imperative for me that I am providing someone with the best possible care that I know how to give.
We all get very, very high during sessions, both Dom and sub. It is important, it is essential to be fed the right nutrients of love and care that sustain you after a session. |
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| tsi(sub female) |
3 days ago •
Dec 23, 2024
TwinkleEyes wrote: Your feelings are normal. Impact play of any kind is a high. What goes up must come down. The more you receive the higher you go. If it’s everyday then you’ll go even higher. Though ⚠️ about doing it everyday when someone isn’t taking care of you.
2 dark squares of 70% chocolate can help boost your mood, deep breathing and meditating, and walking for 10 minutes will boost mood for 2 hours. Talking about your feelings like you’re doing here is also helpful. For myself there is a difference between sub space, masochist space, and sexual space. All 3 affect my brain and body. Sexual space- high from all the endorphins. Short lived. I don’t need aftercare. Sub space- for me is the quieting of my mind from my over thinking. Happens when I hear their voice, see them, or a text comes through that tells me to take deep breaths. It’s the wanting to please my D type. To make them happy and pleased. After the D type is gone I feel anxious. A responsible D type will ease you off. Taking care of you less and less until you can be on your own. I’ve helped past s types find new partners and am still available for some when they need me. Masochist space- Is the most intense for me. I like a lot of pain. I use as a way to deal with my own pain. I go deep into myself loosing myself. It starts off as anxiety and if my sadist doesn’t do aftercare we agreed to I go into a panic mode. Resentful towards the sadist. And I don’t like myself when I’m not taken care of after. I don’t shower, eat, or know what to do with myself. My last maso drop lasted 7 days. Luckily I have kinky friends who helped me through it. I started a journal this last time. Read about it on a blog on another site. I kept track of how I felt, what the sadistic did and didn’t do according to our negotiations, how I reacted, and what we both said to each other. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. It helped me recognize my gift wasn’t being honored. I’m thankful another kinkster taught me to journal about the experiences down to details. Happy kinky journey into yourself. Thank u so much . This was very helpful |
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trixietrixster(sub female)
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1 day ago •
Dec 25, 2024
@OP -
I read in one your comments that you feel sad even during a regular scene ... this is NOT good. It seems there may be some kind of disconnect, whether just with you, or with both of you. I would suggest bringing up the subject with your partner, sooner than later. This feeling of sadness is going to fester if not dealt with. Also, seeing a kink-friendly therapist may help ... I hope things work out ! |
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