How to adress a Dom/Domme...

How to adress a Dom/Domme...

namaide​(sub female) • Dec 25, 2024

I have a question: How can I address a Dom/Domme in a respectful way as a submissive without showing submission to that person?

It's just that many Dominants introduce themselves with some title of respect like ‘Master’, ‘Mistress’, ‘Sir’, etc, and, as a submissive who just wants to be submissive towards her Dom, I honestly don't feel comfortable referring to them that way if I have no friendship, trust or relationship with them, but I don't know if it's acceptable to address them by their first name only. I need someone to clarify these concerns, please.

JaredMayer​(dom male) • Dec 25, 2024

Ok, so if I understand this correctly you're concerned about how to address a D respectfully when you have literally no existing relationship with them? I think you're over thinking it. Ds who you don't feel comfortable using a title with aren't entitled to one, so just address them as you would a stranger on the bus. "Mr/M(r)s/Mx Name" is respectful and shows no submission to the addressee.

fluffypoppet​(sub female){Protected} • Dec 25, 2024

Throwing a Mr/Mrs/Mx in the mix is fine.
Ask them how they prefer to be addressed. (I prefer asking lots of questions, get their consent on how they prefer to be addressed.)
Or, say "May I call you..." and put in what you are comfortable calling them.

GreyAuthority​(dom male){Sammy} • Dec 25, 2024

Basic, respectful mannerisms are more than fine. Treat them as any other human. It could be situational though. If you’re at a munch or other community gathering, I can see where titles may be used if you feel comfortable. I’ll be honest and say that I’ve never had a D/M walk up to me on the street and introduce themselves as Master Rocco. Even at community gatherings / parties, don’t feel as you’re disrespecting the Authority figure if you don’t want to address them by title. If they do, that’s not a person I would be around. It does NOT make you any less respectful or submissive. Good luck!

B L O N D I E​(sub female) • Dec 25, 2024

I understood from the OP that you already have a dominant of your own. If that is the case, you might want to discuss this with your dominant. He may have a certain way he wants you to address other dominants or even other people outside the kink community.

If you don't have a dominant or he's leaving it entirely up to you, I would say that even using Mr/Mrs/Ms is too much. I personally feel that it's not just allowed but actually required of us as submissives to actively NOT treat dominants any differently than we would treat every other equal person.

Being dominant doesn't entitle them to any special privileges. If you would be on a first-name basis with them if they were not a member of the kink community, then you should be on a first-name basis with them now. If you would speak with them casually as a coworker or acquaintance, then you should do that now.

Because, at the end of the day, if they aren't YOUR dominant, then that's all they are. They're a stranger or possibly an acquaintance. If they don't know that, if they see any disrespect in that, then they aren't truly dominant and they don't deserve your respect in the first place.

GreyAuthority​(dom male){Sammy} • Dec 25, 2024

This is a REALLY good point to consider.

trixietrixster​(sub female) • Dec 25, 2024

Too many "D" types expect to be addressed in terms of "honorifics" from the very first contact ... uuummm, ya, nopers ... you've got a better chance of being struck by lighting ... LOL ...

When you EARN the RESPECT of a "title" ... you will get it ... plain and simple ...

mysterysoul{None } • Dec 26, 2024

I would call them that off the bat they should do to me ether gotta play the key right in reality like you would a interview.

Cello Trance{for You} • Dec 26, 2024

I don’t feel comfortable with someone giving me some title unless we have a dynamic. In the same way that I wouldn’t try to call someone by a submissive name that I didn’t have a relationship with.

When I reach out to someone on this website, I just try to tell them a little bit about myself and direct them to my profile page and my blogs in hopes that they will respond, and if they do, I try to get to know them as a person

I have heard many submissive women say on this website that Dom’s approach them with an initial message demanding that they address them as master or sir right away. I think that’s very aggressive and offputting…

Anyway, I think what I’m saying is I prefer to just know someone first without a title. If it helps you any, my kids are just as likely to call me dude as dad

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Dec 26, 2024

Do you know where they live?

How can you know what to put on the envelope if you don't know where they live?