Frustrated

I'mME

1 month ago • Dec 15, 2024

roughandtumbler wrote:

I did not in any way think you are being mean, ugly about your mate. I gathered from the OP how much you like, respect, love him..
I don't know that weight would get many rejections.

I mean read their profiles, should give you a clue bc ppl in that game are usually descriptive. Body, age doesn't matter. Or only certain ages.

It's a quandary for sure. I am a straight forward person. I would ask him directly, what is the problem. We discussed, you were on board, now I'm twiddling my thumbs, what changed. I get the feeling, now hear me out. I get the feeling that maybe you present it in a way that you consider to be respectful, I get that. But sometimes, we have to change our language up. Like dirty, so that the other party pops into their head. No pun intended. Do you know what I mean?

I was blunt with him. Explained that the kink had died, that I felt disconnected and unhappy. Now I’m getting the silent treatment because he feels rejected. The only way this all works is if I’m a subservient slut sub who serves his every need. He’s so happy when I do that and I was happy for a while, too. I was able to control it all through sex and servitude. But now I’m seeing that it’s always going to be that. Me serving him. Being a toy that he picks up when he wants to. It’ll never morph into anything else. He didn’t care about kink. He doesn’t want to share me. So I can continue with the charade and he’ll be happy or I can blow it all up and call a spade a spade. Considering my options. I don’t want to live a miserable life but at least it would be an honest one.[/quote]

I'm beginning to get a better picture. By YOUR
description, he seems a bit selfish. Silent treatment gives me an even better picture.

I don't care who says what from what side of the slash, the silent treatment is BULLSHIT.

Your situation really involves more than the lack of kink activities you desire.

Kelpi

3 weeks ago • Dec 26, 2024

I reached out to an old "friend" and had a talk about how he and a former friend of his shared his friends wife since whe was in the same bind you are. When the friend was on the road she would be submissive to my friend but when he was home nothing happened. The only rules where no anal and leave no marks. This seemed to make her a better person and wife for about a year. He told me that she had reached levels of kink that he had to spend more time checking out how to satisfy her than he did on paper work for his job. Husband and him have a telk one day and he lets him know he can't keep up and he has to move on before it destroys a great friendship. Six months after leaving the husband calls and lets him know she has left and they are divorcing. Moving on a few months he gets custody of the kids because her new MASTER (yea she is a slave now) did not want the kids living with them (him the wife and the other slave). Now this is about 5 years ago when it started and it ended in less than 2.

My friend tells me he wants to find another sub but since he is on the road (truck driver) it's hard. I understand your frustration as I have had to hold back my own desires because her limits were far lower than mine. I know it is not easy wanting more than what you are getting. It is like looking inside a bakery and watching everyone else eat everything you want. If he would ok everything it can work I have seen it. A vanila married a sub and he let her have her freaky fun as long as it was not at home. I feel for you so much and understand what you are going through. I can only tell you to sit him down and have a long talk. Make sure he knows your not looking for someone else. As you talk find out why he has said no so much. He has fears and you need to find them and see if you can put more faith in your love for him. Don't lose a good marriage over this. It may take time but I thyink you can work it out. Good luck.

trixietrixster(sub female)

3 weeks ago • Dec 26, 2024

"The problem? My husband is comfortable" ... EXACTLY ...

The more you go along with it, whatever "it" entails ... his behavior is not going to change. The more you go along with it, the more your resentment will feaster. This is never good - especially with children in the home. They are more in-tune than us adults like to think. This could absolutely have an impact on the rest of their lives ...

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, and, then some ...

Does he not see how the situation is affecting you? Does he even care to notice your feelings?

@OP - you also mentioned in one of your responses your husband does have self-esteem and weight issues going on, as well as being 8 years older. The key word being HUSBAND ... while you can do your best to reassure him - HE needs to do the work necessary. I would suggest seeing a kink-friendly therapist, tho, if isn't even willing to discuss this with you, no way in hell he's agreeing to therapy ...

If this is something you really want, you are going to have to do some serious self-reflection. Are you willing to live the rest of your life unfilled for the sake of someone else, regardless of the type of relationship? Are you willing to be unhappy - perhaps ever miserable? Tho I can't speak for others ... I can't possibly think someone would answer yes to either of these questions ...

Sometimes. sadly. luv is just not enuf ...

I do hope you are able to figure things out ...

wjeffries

3 weeks ago • Dec 26, 2024

You have received a lot of solid advice with the key being communication. And the fact that it is hard work is quite accurate, but most things that are worthwhile take hard work and persistence. Your husband is comfortable, and since there are no consequences for his inaction in moving forward or letting you play with others and the fact that he does not react at all at times, then it speaks to his comfort zone. You also say that he loves you and you him, which is key, but a part of love is not being selfish or self serving and putting your parnter's needs before your own. Keep communicating and advocating for your as you sound like a very good person and your husband will hopefully see that you have greater needs.

intenseoldman(dom male)

3 weeks ago • Dec 27, 2024

This may sound simple, but basically at this point in your marriage, you're not satisfied sexually. He's working too much it sounds to me. His health is not good and lacks the energy his libidinal drive needs to equal yours. He needs to lose some weight and get healthy. Of course he's insecure if he's seventy lbs overweight. To me that's the big problem here that's created your problem of sexual frustration.

I was there after about 18-19 years of marriage. I loved her and my kids, but she was gone a lot, and I had needs, so, I had a very discreet kinky affair for three years with a sexually frustrated woman who loved her spouse, too. We just had our kinky sex fun and no one was the wiser.

People change in a marriage and it's your responsibility to keep up with each other. You can't drag someone back and expect them to be happy. You help each other all you can, and do the best you can for everyone, but there's a breaking point.

I just think it's on your husband to address his health issues, and whether you choose to help each other or not, your sexual frustration won't go away until you're getting what you need. I'm not telling what I did in your situation is what you should do. It's just what I did.

I hope your husband starts caring about himself, and I hope you find a solution for your sexual needs.

roughandtumbler(sub female)

6 days ago • Jan 15, 2025

roughandtumbler wrote:

Sweet Minx wrote:

Unfortunately you can't make him have or enjoy the same kinks as you. As much as you try it just will not work. It seems he is content and you aren't. It's a difficult position I'm sure.

From your last post, it reads as if you are trying to take charge and change/explore/spice up your relationship but I'm not sure, you could be taking up a more switch or dominant role? It's hard to know by just reading your words. Is that what he's objecting to? Does he like to be solely in charge and making the decisions? And if so do you have issues with that?

I think actually I just want to be able to meet ppl and have experiences and he’s put his foot down. That’s the crux of the whole thing, on top of our relationship moving more toward non-kink every day.

Good luck with everything and happy holidays.

I think I just want to define what we are doing. And I admit that I let the “show and tell” aspect of our kink go a little too far. I was pushing for pics on everything and sharing them on my profile on another website. It ruins the vibe. I can own that.

But now I’m afraid that we are just nearing the end. Even when having sex the kink doesn’t feel right. I even stopped him last night. He was shocked that I would push him away. I guess I had never realized how much intimacy is required for kink. It’s not just hot sex.

mysterysoul(masochist female)

5 days ago • Jan 15, 2025

roughandtumbler wrote:

I'mME wrote:

roughandtumbler wrote:

I feel like communication has been mentioned a lot. But I have communicated. I told him the dynamic was pretty much dying or dead. No response, no action. So I put the sub in me aside and moved on. I explained to him I needed sex more regularly. He responded by saying he’d work on it but nothing changed. I explained that I wanted more experiences, threesomes, play with women…he set up a bunch of expectations (talk to the person for 6 months, we both have to approve the person, nothing is guaranteed even if all expectations are met). It’s just exhausting. I get tired thinking about how hard it was to find a couple to even play with. I think he’s just happy with what he’s got. And I sadly am not. And it’s probably a mistake to even think about that more deeply.

RoughandTumbler,

Maybe he has some issues going on, personal. Health, work?
You say that you communicated, but was it you telling him 'you need more sex' or was it more in depth? Is that how you met? Through kink?

Sometimes we think we said something bc the other person says, okay. However it can be that We didn't say exactly what we were thinking, maybe they weren't in a spot to hear, right after work, or in bed.

He has a really busy life. He’s a good dad and husband and works really hard for his family (two jobs, 6-7 days a week). I don’t fault him if he wants to come home after work and beg out. I’m not resentful or angry with him. I love him to pieces. But he’s just himself. I don’t think he will change all that much. We are built different. He likes a lot of relaxation. I like action. He like sex on Saturday morning. I’d be doing it every day, twice a day if I had the chance. I guess I’m just tired of not having control over this part of my life. It feels like I am a child, waiting for whatever the adult will dole out. I get that body image can be hard in swaps and meet-up’s (he’s about 70 pounds overweight) so I don’t want to push it and have a rejection happen. But he won’t allow hot wifing ( I get it…strongly views it as acknowledged non-monogamy and I agree), he wakes to put 70 requirements on a theeesome, which nobody wants. Too much work. It feels impossible. I know he means well. He’s loving. He tried to be adventurous ( impact plsy, ropes, etc). But something in me has woken up and I can’t get it to go away.

Until he get time off or retire but until things change try to work with what you can.
Well give it time we are in a new year and new changes. But write down that you want surrender head of household maybe give him 30 mins when he gets home start acting like a submissive and kneel for him and give him a drink.
Bring in food to him. Dress bit seductive show bit of skin show him that your submissive side that you want to be tamed and punished. Maintenance spanking never hurts having a paddle on the door , Pulling hair sexually , Having a collar on kneeling with a leash and hand him the leash but might need to be worked in to. You might just have to show him with out pushing go with flow. Write him a letter saying about these desires.

Can't have a Domme girl friend even he can agree with that. Wear sheer and kneel backwards with your head down your ass up holes in view give him a show when he walk in the door and make him note says hello Master whatever you call him. Record I dream of jeannie give him a hint what it truly meant to be. jeannie calls her man Master.

Invest in a jeannie costume get in to the the art of what you desire.
Start calling him Master And put Some BDSM toys on the bed and make sure he has his cigar and news paper on Sunday be ready. Show him some Master photo's with a sub you like email them to him text them to him. Start sucking his cock when he his home and suck his ball and lick his ass. Hold his hand play with his hair lay against his feet and legs. Shine his shoes. Tell him your a free use your holes are open please spank me and discipline me.

Crave his cum want to eat it more. Give him some self care also ask him what is his desires both agree on them talking about them being open how you really get in to a taboo you like. Put on the the secretary movie show him that what you want not hard to ask you gotta show them. Text him I wish you come home and discipline me fuck all my holes hard. Take your clothes off slowly in front of him wear body jewelry wear slave clothing or maid outfit. Clean the house naked give him a show. With my first ex I had to do some things I went to sex toy party's to spice it up , I did research and asked what he liked well he liked women wear tight shorts with whole in the middle with sheer panty hose and sheer top with pig tails and heels yes he was turned on. At the time I went to spencers with a friend early year bought a body stocking with a leash collar tied to the bed I put sheer all over the king size bed. He told me to get my sexy ass in bed. Vintage dresses or whatever also get a man lit up.

mysterysoul(masochist female)

5 days ago • Jan 15, 2025

Be the vibe to snatch his soul you have it within bring it out.
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Spice it up
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The Art of *Subtle* Seduction
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Enter Your Seductive Era & Hypnotize Him
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THE SECRETS
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Make Him Obsessed with your Feminine Energy
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Uncovering the Charms of a Siren
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mysterysoul(masochist female)

5 days ago • Jan 15, 2025

Things we us women need.
That you keep getting sexier and wiser.
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Take your power back
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The feminine urge to detach from reality and frolic in to ethereal realms
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To be little wild
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Remember, this is not your destruction, this is your rebirth
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Be open to things
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spiritual beings having a human experience
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divine protection
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Godless era
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Unleash Your Wild Feminine
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Magic exists beyond your comfort zone⚡️

The result of trading fear for courage is a life beyond your wildest dreams.
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I have stopped holding on so tightly to things🌊

There is radical ease that follows surrender.

You don’t need to force what is meant for you.

I’ve spent far too many years chasing misalignment.

Trying to force people to love me.
Trying to convince people to give me what I deserve rather than walking away from anything that doesn’t honor my value.

Letting go creates space for what is meant for your highest good.

I don’t chase, I attract✨
Much of my world is a reflection of me.
The more I attune my energy to BE what I desire to see, the more open I AM to receive🦋
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We release through dance
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You are one of a kind.
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I have been deeply involved in my own womb of creation.

Immeshed with potent medicine as I prepare for the upcoming release of Rebirth.

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A masterpiece.

Celebrate that.

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Don’t be someone other than the wonder you are.

Every star is important to the sky✨
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You were taught to suppress your emotions to be “good”.
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The rise of the feminine is here
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HOW TO CONNECT WITH DIVINE FEMININE
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Embodying a strong sense of self is armor in a world that tries to tell you who you are✨
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roughandtumbler(sub female)

3 days ago • Jan 18, 2025

mysterysoul wrote:

roughandtumbler wrote:

I'mME wrote:

roughandtumbler wrote:

I’d love to do that. We have children at home so it would be difficult. We were a bedroom only dynamic and that worked for a while. Bit with little to no sex the dynamic quickly fades and we go back to our vanilla behaviors.