How to initiate sex?

How to initiate sex?

Shay123 • Oct 21, 2018

Hello,


My girlfriend is the sub. However I have asked what she likes and get refused to be told apparently it's a turn off her telling me how to have sex. 



I know what she likes when we get going. But my problem is actually turning her on. Vanilla ways like kissing her neck or gentle fondling is boring. How would I turn her on ? 

Thanks

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Oct 21, 2018

"However I have asked what she likes and get refused to be told apparently it's a turn off her telling me how to have sex. "

Your girlfriend is naive and foolish if she expects you to be psychic and can't have an adult conversation about what arouses her and what she likes in the bedroom. If she doesn't understand that communication is key and refuses to engage in it, there's nothing you can do.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Oct 21, 2018

She may not know … it might be a trial and error situation where she can give feedback afterwards ?

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2018

How long you have been with her?
As she's a sub she doesnt want to take decision, initiate or lead.
You need to know her body, watch her reaction, test with toys, whips, ropes, blindfold etc...Tell her what you are going to do to her in a strong manner, show her that you are in charge....

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 22, 2018

I would have a Frank discussion with her.

"I cannot read your mind"


OR consider giving her an order--
Give her a piece of paper and a pen.

Have her sit in an uncomfortable position one that preferably makes something on her fall asleep.

The order is she has to write down what turns her on before her part falls asleep.

There are rules -
She isnt allowed to lie
She must write at least 5 things
If she doesn't know she must write what she masturbates to

Allie Kat​(sub trans woman){DarkFox} • Oct 23, 2018

Hello! I hope you don't mind me posting here. This is a subject that is near and dear to me.

My wife is vanilla and im a submissive male so this actually comes up for us a lot.

First, i would say the biggest difference is that i /do/ talk to my wife about what i want, need and/or like. I would say, try asking here these questions when sex was already not on the table. No one is thinking about having sex "Hey! Let's talk about sex. What kind of things really get you in the mood?" Now, she may not know, and that's a different subject to worry about, but for now, let's at least get you talking about it. I can see what she means. If you wanted sex with me and you start off with "how should i start?" That's gonna be a huge turn off for me as a submissive. But if you just talk to me about what i like first, and then put it into action latter, that will not only turn me on, but make me feel heard and valued.

Now, if she has no idea at all what she likes, she is either really new to sex, you have been her only partner, or she is apprehensive about telling you. The first two issues, unfortunately the only correction is trial and error. Ask some people what works for them and try some things, look stuff up online and give that a try.

For the apprehensiveness, it just takes patience. Be open and willing to try new things and help her to feel that she is in a safe environment and you may be willing to try new things.

I hope this helps you both! If it's not too much trouble, could you keep me updated and let me know how it goes? Thanks!