Dom how would your sub's life change after submitting to you?

FoxWolf Byte​{🤍} • Apr 29, 2025

For me when I've had sub. It's about helping create self care routines that are slanted with reward centric.

1) Usually I do passive collection of how they're living their life for a week or more to understand how they exist, their limitations, their own externally observed thought process. This is crucial because just like I like to put my best step forward, they like to as well. I try and create a single basic routine in a vein that matches what they like or desire in a small amount. This gives them a sense that I'm tuned into the dynamic seriously but not disturb how they've previously existed so that I can examine the artifacts of their routines, decisions and more.

2) After I have gotten a good sense of what they're doing. I usually work on things that would make them more confident in life, theirselves and their future. I try and show that life isn't scary and we try and become a mirror for life and try and coax out different stories and events in a safe environment. This has varied from going with them to their Doctors Apt to providing an emergency delivery of groceries to consistent checkins during the day.

3) Basically what I would love and what I've seen a-lot of people feel stronger with. Accountability with non life/personal/financial threatening consequences. Closing that feedback loop from weeks to months to years to days artificially.

Orgazmo​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2025

Accountability and someone to share goal milestones with.

It would be easy to say obedience and loyalty but that's not really what I'm in this for. I look for potential for personal growth. If I choose you to be my sub I'll be giving you assignments from which you will benefit. In the past i have held subs accountable for dietary or fitness goals, so in many ways i act as a personal trainer or success coach. I also give mindfulness and sensual assignments.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Apr 30, 2025

She'd be outside more and travel more. She'd be seen, guarded and protected. Her life would have more order, peace and stability. She'd be more stimulated, mentally, physically and emotionally. She'd be challenged and supported in attaining her goals. Life for her would be more adventurous and encompass broader horizons. She'd be pretty fucking happy.

MistressSoni​(dom female) • May 1, 2025

👹👹👹👹👹

Drinfear​(dom male)​{Owns PFP} • May 1, 2025

I can only speak for Myself in this regard, but will explain the talks I have with prospective submissives wanting to join My Polyamorous Household..

I fill five Roles in My girls' lives. Some are self explanatory, some need a little more definition.. These are listed in order of importance to ME..

1) Protector, which goes without saying.. I am not a violent person, I avoid violence at every possible opportunity.. But once it gets to the point where it is unavoidable, OR if someone threatens My Family, ALL bets are off, and someone will need a lot of one on one time with a very good doctor..

2) Provider.. If My Family has a need, I will move heaven and earth to ensure they HAVE it, even to the point of personal pain, OR doing without wants or needs Myself to ensure it is covered.. I have gone to sleep hungry many nights to ensure My Family eats..

3) Guide.. I get to know My girls so well that by the time they realize they WANT something, I am usually already DOING it to them.. I listen to their hopes, their goals, their dreams, and steer them along a path to make those things a reality, if I am able to do so..

4) I am their Friend.. I provide a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen.. An arm to steady, or a hand to lift them up if they stumble or fall.. But I do not expect to be their ONLY friend.. I urge and push them to find other like minded individuals to hang out, do things outside the Household, away from the Family, even take road trips once the trust is established..

Lastly, I am their Lover, the least important Role, but also one of the most satisfying.. How can I, as their Dom/Master/Daddy, satisfy carnal cravings or desires knowing they have pressing issues in the other Roles I have vowed to satisfy first?

This, as I said, is just MY outlook on the situation.. Hopefully it gives you a perspective to look at and decide what kind of Dom/me YOU want to choose to be..

Dom

Fireblade​(switch male) • May 7, 2025

From my experience, if she fully submits that means sexually and lifestyle, i've noticed the relationship improves there's more trust and alot more love (not talking about sex but yeah sex has always improved), every decision i make also involves her more after shes submitted (eg. changing jobs or location or just general choice of what i wanna do or where i wanna go includes her more if you understand, talking from a perspective of just courting).

sorry this is a bit vague but i'm not sure how to word it haha

ExploringEmily​(sub female) • May 10, 2025

Love this, and agree that the desired changes will be different person to person.

I'd like to add another dimension for consideration, that is specific to those whose D/s dynamic is also a committed partnership. It certainly won't be relevant to everyone, but maybe worth a thought for those to whom it may apply.

I had a conversation recently with a prospective dom who described several things he wanted from his sub. I was ok with all of them -sounds great, I said. But I also pointed out that the things he wanted require time, and quite a bit of it. So I asked, kindly but directly, if he wanted to be in a relationship where he had more time for things like rest, friends and family, hobbies, and even investing in his career than his partner did. He.....clearly had never done the math that putting in all this time to do things that made his life better/easier was time his sub would not be spending on those things. (fwiw, I thought this was a fair question because he began his description of his ideal by saying that he thought both parties should have full, rich lives beyond the relationship)

It's perfectly fine for different couples to find different ways of doing things that suit them. But the way OP phrased the issue of how the sub's life would change if they became their dom made me think about this. What will your sub have to give up if you're their dom? Is it time they will gladly trade (say, scrolling socials is traded for quality time together) or does it require sacrifice (no longer pursuing creative interests)?

This isn't about rules (those obviously should also be discussed), but tradeoffs. And, especially if they have service tendencies, I think it's healthy for the sub to be particularly mindful of what they may choose to give up. (Doms consider tradeoffs of course, too, but it's a bit different since you're driving the train) I applaud the sub who posed the original question-- each of us should all seek partners who change our life for the better, on the whole, however we may define better for ourselves.


(PS- if this dom had replied with some version of "I care about the wellbeing of my sub, so if they're not getting the balance they need to be healthy and fulfilled, I would want to find a solution" Or "Those specific things are important to me, so let's talk about what I can offer to make sure you're getting what you need" I would have been willing to continue the conversation. I *like* serving. But it's not something I'd offer to someone who is unconcerned with their overall impact on my life.)

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • May 13, 2025

The details of how a submissive's life would change have some commonalities, as I have my particular desires I would be training in anyone, but largely those details depend on her and where she's beginning from. I highly service oriented eager to please submissive is obviously a very different than a bratty pleasure oriented submissive after all.

But, beyond that initial period of sex and intensity and the basic training that goes into building a D/s relationship, some of the qualities I tend to build into my submissive's life are:

Spirituality. I am a very spiritual person, so anyone who spends significant time in my sphere is going to get a lot of that in their own life. My frames for life and devotion are strongly about submission to the Divine, and working consciously shamanically with spirit. The further she submits to me the more this will become true for her, because I submit to Spirit, therefore she submits to Spirit through me.

Morality. My spiritual path is highly focused on the development and evolution of one's heart and spiritual moral character. It can be a demanding path, but following me means constant challenge to think more positively, face truth more deeply, and transform negative thinking. This is a quality that bleeds through in most of my conversations, and would be an inevitable consequence of submission to me.

Service. Beyond just sexy service, my life is about service to community. Wherever I go I'm seeking to be of service to other people, and having a submissive to me means having a support and ally in that mission. Our personal rituals would be partly about training a service mindset, so that we are always keeping that greater whole in mind, and caring for others as well as each other.

Family. The warmth and intimacy of building family is for me the greatest reward of this lifestyle. Knowing you belong, that you're wanted and needed, that you have a home both physical and spiritual to come home to, and that your missed whenever you're gone, is a quality I seek to build in my home and life.

Release of addictions. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't allow any such things in my house. I use psychedelics in ceremonial practice, but not recreationally. Let your submission and sacred suffering being your succor now.


These things are things I cultivated in my girlfriends before I was kinky, and that's only gotten stronger as both my spiritual life and kink life have become more refined.

Obviously, these things aren't particularly kink focused, but I think that's kind of my point for posting them. To me, a real D/s dynamic is a path. The Dominant becomes the path of the submissive. Not unlike a guru in the Indian traditions, or a priest or rabbi or other such spiritual leader. And while yes, my version of this is spiritual, I think this remains true even for the staunchly atheistic. It's not a function of faith, belief, or creed, but a function of power. When you begin to internalize the thoughts and direction of someone else, they become a path for you. You seek their guidance and direction over your own, and their voice becomes part of your internal monologue. When you make that guidance into a lifestyle, it becomes a path you walk. To me it's almost critical to recognize if you are a submissive, particularly if you're drawn to a deep lifestyle of submission, that regardless of dogma your Dominant is becoming your internal leader. Their life direction will become your life direction. Their values will guide and direct the course of your life, simply because you follow. As Dominants we should be examining that profound truth with deep seriousness and care.

How hard he fucks you, how much pain you can enjoy, how many orgasms you have, or how much time you spend in subspace are the icing on the cake. And don't get me wrong, I love some delicious icing, but most people can play and have a good time. D/s goes somewhere deeper, and to me many D/s dynamics fail because this level isn't accounted for, as couples get lost in trying to focus on the erotic aspect of kink but become swept up in the tidal wave of power, and how it affects people.

As always, I write this stuff for myself as much as anyone, but I hope it helps someone else consider their kink life a little deeper.

Artemus • May 16, 2025

If I were to become someone’s submissive lady after having we had a serious conversation together. Then, if still, he afterwards would accept and receive my submission. Myself if it was with me. I would want, and expect to change myself. For myself , and for him. Having such a bond with a man enough to choose me and accept me is a pivotal moment to having a successful dynamic.

I’d be more than happy and sleep in His cage if that meant I could have this chance with a dom.
As I Wish. Maybe someday. Maybe Never.

MasterBinJustTalk​(dom male) • May 17, 2025

She is my property after submission. So whole purpose of her existence is pleasing me. She will be my free use sex slave, household maid, cum dumpster, my pet, my balls cleaner, breeding cow, etc. She doesn't have a life anymore only roles in my life.