Mentoring New subs

Re: Learning

Savida​(other female) • Oct 1, 2018

One way to gather information about is to speak to multiple different other subs (which is part of why people advocate for a mentor being another sub!)—even people who don’t know you well will be happy to tell you who they consider to be a dangerous person or someone best avoided. And when multiple people (especially people who aren’t friends) tell you the same thing, there’s probably something to that that’s worth thinking about and listening to.

I’d be happy to speak with you further about this if you wish and know of others who are happy to do the same.

SevenSeven • Oct 1, 2018

Very true.

TXDomPolyhouse​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2018

I will agree with mentoring being in the beginning by another sub with experience. The emotional side of being a sub and knowing how to deal with master requirements is something we in the Dom side do not live in the same maner.

But once one gets started a Dom can help mentor as well. Specially a Dom that is not going to try to own the sub.

But there are still fakes here, I have had some encounters with some young sub that turend out to be engaged to a women and be just a get off moment for him, and having a fantasy of being with a men, and doing video things for a men. once it got real , disappeared. I guess there are those everywere.

It will be much easier to say (as many do) looking for online only, so the ones searching don't waste their time. But life is life.

SOGirlOnFire​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2018

I am following this thread actively as well and wanted to ask the community this question.

As a novice sub, how do we find a fellow same gender sub to mentor us??
I have been reading blogs and looking for a female sub who’s thoughts regarding the lifestyle mirror mine. But where do we go from there??

I hope this isn’t considered hijacking the thread and can make a new post if needed..... it seemed silly to start a new post when this one is addressing the topic already

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 1, 2018

Just ask them.

TXDomPolyhouse​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2018

I think you are missing the point, if you are already owned, you will not ask for advise with another Dom. Why even talk to another Dom?

This is mostly for BRAND NEW looking to get the first steps into the life style.

And I don't believe on divisions of sub staying together or Dom's staying together. It is just a vicious circle where will all feed eachother mistrust from the other side instead of breaching the gap and trying to share knowledge to make all of us better.

CurvyCattleya​(switch female) • Oct 24, 2018

You know, all I've been hearing is that subs should look for mentoring from other subs...that we should tick together...but I don't really see any subs offering to help mentor anyone (compared to Doms)...and a lot of the subs saying that subs should be mentored by subs are using the explanation that their Doms would not like/appreciate it...but many new subs don't even have Doms in the first place so we can't really identify with that. Yes, it's true. There is a high possibility that emotions and personal preferences might influence the mentoring...but I think Wolfweyoun is talking about Doms that don't have bad intentions and that really are trying to help..in the way they feel they can...…..Or maybe i'm just understanding things weirdly..

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 24, 2018

It's traditional to approach a mentor. Nothing needs to be formal. A simple note that someone's profile hit home with you or that you liked something in a forum or blog post is really all that is needed, along with asking if they could answer a few questions.

Doms who actively try to get mentorees are usually out to get involved without committing. I have been approached by novices with many stories of grooming or seduction by "mentors". New submissives are easy prey. They don't know what to watch for or (often times) what a mentor does. Predator's wet dream.

Master1977 • Oct 24, 2018

I think it hugely depends on the experience you have had. A sub who has only ever had one specific type of Dom, or indeed only one Dom in their life, will not necessarily understand what another Dom expects and wants, as well as not necessarily understanding the needs of the other sub. I've seen it far too many times where one sub is told that her dynamic or something she needs 'isn't right', just because the other sub does not have the same or doesn't agree with it.

That being said, I insisted that my last sub had a group of other subs that she could openly discuss things with. It was a huge benefit to us both.

ivyandtwine​(sub female) • Oct 24, 2018

As a n00b, I can say that having peer mentor*s* has been the most helpful in actually engaging the "lifestyle."

Where I would appreciate a D-type/switch's help is in the first scenes. It's so difficult to find ~legit~ play partners that are *willing* to be my "first."

Also, I think Munches are where subs should look for practical "training." I've already made connections with a couple of subs really connected with the local scene who have offered their help in recommending/advising any potential play partners. Also, those with specific skills/switches seem to be really approachable and willing to "show you the ropes" so to speak.

So far, even if I've clicked with a few Doms, I've noticed that they are REALLY hesitant to scene with me...yeah, the subby part of me complains about that, but I think that it's actually wise of them to be resistant. It shows self-control IMO. They know how emotional the experience will be for me since I'm so -serious- about it. As much as it makes me want them more, it also strengthens my respect for them, and frees me up to -learn- from others... Not just experience.

Just my thoughts

X Ivy