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a question for Doms

GaySadoMasochist​(sadist male)
5 months ago • Aug 13, 2025
I was undersage when I first found porn and it was BDSM. That kind of fixed an interest in kink altogether but if I had to pick one big reason as to why it is something I keep up is that, I'd say that I have a deficit of control over my life and being a dom gives me what I'm lacking a bit
Fireblade​(switch male)
5 months ago • Aug 19, 2025
Fireblade​(switch male) • Aug 19, 2025
well i have a strict/agressive/strong personality(sorry for the lack of better wording), (talking about general personality) so i guess that holds through in a relationship and/or intimacy aswel
JaredMayer​(dom male)
5 months ago • Aug 19, 2025
JaredMayer​(dom male) • Aug 19, 2025
I don't know, I don't really think it's something I had a choice about. I don't have a particularly dominant personality in my normal every day life, I just feel more comfortable in relationships where I'm in charge and I really enjoy my partners giving me control in bed.
Heart of Persephone​(sub female)​{owned}
5 months ago • Aug 20, 2025
JaredMayer wrote:
I don't know, I don't really think it's something I had a choice about. I don't have a particularly dominant personality in my normal every day life, I just feel more comfortable in relationships where I'm in charge and I really enjoy my partners giving me control in bed.


You always have a choice in life. So you are more of a Dom at home not a 24/7?
JaredMayer​(dom male)
5 months ago • Aug 20, 2025
JaredMayer​(dom male) • Aug 20, 2025
Well if you're going to be using a definition like that then I'm not currently a Dom because I am not currently Doming anyone. But dom-ness, if you will, is a part of who I am regardless. I didn't choose that, and I didn't choose to be a sadist either, it's just how it is.
CalmNRelaxed​(dom male)
5 months ago • Aug 21, 2025
CalmNRelaxed​(dom male) • Aug 21, 2025
I didn't become a Dom. The label of Dom was given to me on a first date.

I grew up in a very traditional, rural American family environment. My father was both a farmer and a pastor. As I became an adult, I realized my father had been fighting his own sexual demons for most of his life and turned to religion as a solution. My solution was to embrace my darkness and find a girlfriend who would join me in the journey.

I had three long-term monogamous relationships that started in college and ended in my late 20s. In all outward ways they appeared typical. Privately, they were very sexual and included various kinks, but nothing that would directly point to the lifestyle. At that time, sex for me was about exploring my partner and discovering new ways to make her orgasm, or orgasm more intensely - it was my modus operandi. It was fun and very satisfying.

Looking back, there were signs. I'm paraphrasing, but all three of my past girlfriends from that time would say things like:
- being with you is like having a kinky lover, father, and best friend all in the same person.
- your praise and encouragement make me want to do anything you ask in private.
- you make me feel completely safe but terrifyingly exposed at the same time.
- (laughing) omg, I can't believe you talked me into trying abc/xyz.

Online dating had just became a thing when I turned 30 (around 1999/2000). I started dating that way. Talked to a lot of people. The usual progression from messaging on the dating site, to emails (text wasn't a thing yet), to phone calls. Had our first date about two weeks after we started communicating.
We met for dinner, and less than five minutes into it, she said, "You can tell me, you're a Dom, aren't you?"
It sounds funny now, but I seriously thought she meant a mafia Don. I had no idea what she was talking about.
At that time, BDSM to me was people who dressed up in leather and got off on pain. I had literally never heard of Dom/sub at that moment.
When she realized that I was serious and didn't know what she was talking about. She started laughing and saying that it was impossible.
For the next several hours, we talked about the lifestyle and all the things she had learned about me that made her assume I was a Daddy-Dom. At that time, she was right, I definitely fit the profile she was describing.
She became my first submissive, and that started my formal journey in the lifestyle.
New slut owner​(dom male)
4 months ago • Aug 28, 2025
New slut owner​(dom male) • Aug 28, 2025
DrknessNC wrote:
One doesn't become a Dom.

One finds its innate nature and purifies it.


Exactly how it has been for me so far (still very much developing). Starting to play a bit kinky in what was basically a fairly vanilla but good sexual relationship and discovering a joy and pleasure from sadism and power that both surprised and delighted me.
Mistress F​(dom female)
4 months ago • Sep 1, 2025
Mistress F​(dom female) • Sep 1, 2025
I was told I was a dominant several times in my life before I finally accepted that, that is who I am. First time was when I started to get really interested in boys. I would figure out ways that I would wrestle with them and end up on top. Then there were the times I just wanted to have sex. I had a phone book full of numbers and when they seen it was me. They knew what I wanted.

Moving forward I would move in a certain way that my partner at the time felt that I was dominating from the bottom. I just can not be a bottom or a sub.
I tried to be submissive and it was not natural.

So what I am saying is that you may move in a dominant way that others may see before you do. At least that is what happened for me.