Advice for the sub in a relationship

Advice for the sub in a relationship

Velaria​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2025

Okay, I think I've reached the point where people write a post on a forum to ask for advice.
BDSM forum. Yes, I need some unusual advice.
In general, the backstory:
I've been a submissive for four years. I got into the topic by accident, if I can say so. I won't go into too much detail, I had hints before. In general, that same evening, as I climbed onto the black - I found the owner. A couple of weeks of communication, flirting and here is the first meeting. As I found out later, my Master just wanted to drink coffee and talk (I came to his home), but I got nervous and yes ... in general, when I'm nervous - I act. That day I initiated sex, and he took the initiative and we had amazing, rough sex with elements of submission. Then another meeting. And then - war. And I'm leaving abroad because I lost my home. We have been in a long-distance relationship for about two years, not just a relationship, but you could say a PM relationship. He commands - I obey, and half a year after we met, we were already saying these words "I love you" to each other. I have studies abroad and I couldn't come earlier. However, a two-week vacation is coming and I pack my things and rush to my beloved master. A wonderful two weeks. The spanking promised for two years. There were no separate sessions as such, rather games and some practices before or during sex. Then I come back and finish my studies for a couple of months. And again, having packed my things, I go home to Him for a month or two. I stay for half a year and circumstances force me to leave, although I put it off for a very long time, but in the end the master himself buys me tickets. During these 7 months, we enjoy each other and life together, a separate session further, well, happened, since the PM relationship. Constant sex, so everything is chafed there and does not have time to heal. Practices, a couple of times waxplay, petplay, fixation when I asked, spanking (no more than five times). And I go back abroad for a long 8 months. During this time, no games, nothing. Only flirting, advances, promises and photos. And finally, after a long time, I finally move in with him. This happened about two weeks ago.

The gist:
Stormy, rough sex several times a day. They call me a sub, a kitten, etc. However, no practices, no games. Yesterday I begged for the ass he promised me for those 8 months. He kept score by points. And that's it...
To understand, when I came the second time, he became my common-law husband according to the documents. (I myself was shocked that this could be documented, but that's a separate story). I love him, as he loves me. He cares, provides, supports and helps. But there is one "BUT". He has problems at work now and as I heard from him yesterday - "I don't have the resources now for games, practices and all sorts of other entertainment. I told you from the very beginning that Tema is not the most important thing in life for me."
And it's true, he said it when I noticed that he was not very active in the role of a dominant.
"I don't have the resources" - I heard when I said that I wanted to go to a flagellation master class. (I noticed a long time ago that I like spanking, and yesterday I admitted to myself that "I think I'm a winner").
And I kind of understand everything and am ready to wait until he finds this resource. Only I seem to be experiencing "hunger". I realized that my arousal is slowly fading and I agree to sex purely because I don't want to offend. I understand that I am ready to provoke him so that he spanks me so hard that bruises remain and I can't sit down for a week. Trying to dress up like he likes doesn't really help, he gets turned on and all I get is rough sex. But now I understand that this is not enough for me. I want more...
I want to feel his power, to be that same me, an obedient girl following orders. And I would provoke him, but I just understand that it won't work, he won't spank me, he'll promise, I'll ruin our mood and that's it...
But instead, I'm lying here thinking what the hell to do. And going to another man, even without sex, for me is pure betrayal. Leaving my loved one because he doesn't satisfy my erotic desires is also stupid for me. That's why I'm desperate and came to you here for advice

DerSiebteHimmel​(sub female) • Sep 14, 2025

I understand you are in Ukraine right now. There is a war, and people are under constant stress. It’s especially hard for men. You either behave like a mature, loving woman who supports her man—forget that he is a Dominant—during a difficult period, or you pack all your sexual lingerie and toys into a suitcase and leave him alone. Go back abroad, where you were, find a Dominant there, and be happy with training, rituals, and spanking. Perhaps I don’t know the whole situation, but your story sounds infantile

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 5, 2025

That's a lot to read. I skimmed a bit, so correct me if I kissed anything.

Names are one thing, but I dont beleive there was any mention of being collared or even owned.
It's a general questionnaire wether you had always wanted morenofbif the new-relationship-energy is fizzled.

Best bet is to show him this post. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Would be a good test if his love was more than words.