Hi

Hi

BeautifullyImperfect​(masochist female)​{Submissive} • Oct 26, 2025

Pain has always been a part of my journey. The beauty of it manifested later in life, but continues to be the center of my existence.

I share typical stories of abuse, trauma and the like, but the likeness ends there. My first awakening was warped, twisted, and nearly broke me. Sex was humiliating and depraved. My first and only male dom used his status to mind fuck me for several years. Nudity wasn’t allowed…sex was clothed, blind-folded, and he could never look at me. Porn always played in the background and I couldn’t make a sound, for fear of interrupting the ritual. I was never ready, so the act itself was devastatingly painful, and I wasn’t allowed anything to smooth the way, so to speak. Thus…sex was torture, but he always found ways to trap me, hold me, keep me…and I always relented.

Fast forward, I freed myself and turned to complete and total chastity…nothing…no self-administered love or shared. I lived alone, quiet, shamed, broken.

I healed, over many years, but still would not share myself with anyone. It wasn’t until somewhat recently that I was awakened, raw, but awakened to desire. It started with a friend, who held me down, and lit a flame I thought was burnt out.

The experience was mostly vanilla, and left me unsatisfied and craving. I thought long and hard if I was ready to give into those cravings, that desire, that need. Could I handle another dom? Could I trust that the next one wouldn’t break me…could I trust myself not to get lost, to be his everything?

So here I am, beginning anew, searching for something more, something where love and kindness lives beneath the surface of pain and where I can find trust in someone willing…needing..waiting for the beautifully imperfect me.

Nice to meet everyone <3

dominatio​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2025

Terrible and heart breaking story. Hard to believe some people would have so little consideration for somebody else feelings. Looks psychopathic. I do have a sadist side myself but zero emotional sadism. So I guess is easy for me to judge pretty hardly and I wonder if emotional sadism can be ever ok? Even when requested? Looks always wrong to me, but I can be wrong. Anyway, it looks like you realized that was clearly abusive. So you can trust yourself on learning that. You can also trust how do you feel in a relationship. Are you happy? Are things happening that if they continue may clearly make you unhappy? I would call those red flags.

Of course there could be happiness and fulfillment in D/s. A lot. Nice to meet you.

BeautifullyImperfect​(masochist female)​{Submissive} • Oct 27, 2025

You hit the nail on the head there...can it be ok? Is it ever OK? Can it be fulfilling? Where does the line get drawn, if ever..

Somewhere, it may begin as exciting, exhilarating, and then turn into something else, but which do you trust? It is a difficult line to walk and live in. ^_~ one I will avoid entirely, but if it makes someone else happy, so be it.

Appreciate your insights and conversation. Hi!

dominatio​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2025

Hi, always glad to have a conversation. Well, on the particular issue of emotional sadism, when you are doing something that makes someone emotionally distressed, like I was saying, I don't see any case where it would be ok. But I have known people REQUESTING to receive it as a sub. Something that I would never be able to comply. Not really your case as clearly you didn't requested or wanted that, but I wonder if someone else can chime in with their opinions on that.

But in your particular case, because you appear to doubt the possibility for you of having fulfilling D/s relationships, I just wanted to establish a clear distinction between someone that makes sure you are safe and happy, independently of kinks and services, and someone that not. I think that is a line that can indeed be clearly drawn, and that you should get confidence on drawing it, although it may take time. It may not be always easy, but relationship frequently are not.

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 29, 2025

Everything is a 2 way street. While you question your ability to trust another dom, others will question their ability to handle a sub with ptsd.
Take it slow. The Dom you need knows how to be patient. Trust your gut more than your feelings till they tell you the same thing. Be patient- no one knows more of what you need than you do and they deserve the time it takes to know as much as well as who you are as an individual.