Looking for guidance — commitment, collars, and adding a third

Looking for guidance — commitment, collars, and adding a third

DaddysPuppySlave​(sub female) • Dec 7, 2025

Hi everyone. I’m hoping for some outside perspective from people who understand D/s dynamics and long-term CG/l relationships.

I’ve been with my Daddy for six years, in a stable DdLG dynamic that has grown with us over time. About a year ago we talked about getting formally “engaged” (our version of it), and he’s also been promising both a ring and a collar for about a year and a half. I don’t want to be impatient, but those symbols matter to me. They represent commitment, structure, and a seriousness that I feel like our dynamic is ready for.

I’ve been trying to understand whether I’m being reasonable in wanting those promises followed through on, or whether I’m expecting too much. Hes given me tons of dates now that he says this will happen by.

Recently, we started discussing the possibility of bringing a sister-partner into our relationship. I told him that if we ever explore that, I would feel safer if he was the one to take the lead in finding and vetting someone. Part of that is because of the dynamic, and part of it is because we both have a history of infidelity (in different ways physical/emotional). For me to feel secure, I need to see consistency, transparency, and follow-through — especially if adding another person is on the table.

I guess I’m struggling with two things at once:

1. Needing the commitment he has verbally promised me (the collar/ring) but still waiting for it to happen, and


2. Wanting to know if he is genuinely capable of taking the lead in something as serious as bringing in a third, when the follow-through on earlier commitments hasn’t happened yet.



I love him deeply, and our dynamic means the world to me. I don’t want to pressure him, but I also don’t want to silence my own needs.

Has anyone navigated something similar — where symbolic commitments were delayed, or where a power-exchange relationship considered adding a third before foundational commitments were honored?

I’d appreciate any perspective, especially from long-term D/s couples or CG/l dynamics.

Thank you for reading. 💛

Miki • Dec 7, 2025

I have not. You said you prefer to hear from other long term D/s but what's behind Door Number One doesn't require much experience. In fact "experience", especially negative ones, can color a response.

If the guy makes a promise and then makes only excuses, there is either a communication problem or a "he" problem. You two might need to step outside the dynamic and speak as a couple in a relationship. No sub no dom just 2 people with otherwise an otherwise good thing going.

Actually, the prize behind Door Number 2 is another one that needs no experience to offer a decent comment / POV on. Make this cut and dried. No beating off the bush, to mutilate a phrase. If he cannot or will not "take the lead" on finding a third member of your household after you have told him you prefer that he does... Then no third party. Sometimes people fantasize out loud and even discussing such a thing as a second woman around the house is ... stimulating, when it comes time to put words into action, they fall short. While that alone isn't something to panic over, it is something to bear in mind when he brings up some other long term or life altering idea.

Again, I don't fit the definition of those you want input from, it's really very basic. Anyone who cannot make a commitment or worse, makes promises and then feeds another creamy bullshit---- needs a deeper evaluation.

This should play into what to do RE the second honey. If the guy cannot or will not deliver on #1, do you really think in your gut that he'll be any good at #2?

You might already know the answer.

Good luck and chin up.

M

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 8, 2025

Good evening DPS,

As usual, Miki makes great sense as she hardly ever minces words and she's never caught "beating off the bush" (brilliant play on words there @Miki).

Addressing the second situation first, I would simply include: adding another individual to your dynamic before your dynamic is on solid ground is never a smart idea. You've been together for six years, but it seems you have areas of concern and communications that haven't been ironed out. Have you and your Daddy discussed the expected roles "she" will play, or that you will continue to play and what his responsibilities will be? What your responsibilities will be to the new addition? It's never so cut and dry as "let's add a third".

It depends upon what the expected role of this new member will be as to who should approach her; but both of you really need to be on the same page as to expectations and not just the fantasy ones.

This all brings me back to your first concern being his promising a ring and collar for at least a year or so of your six year relationship. Sit down and ask him what the status is and where you're going. You've been together for six years. You indicate he's mentioned making your engagement formal about a year ago. What is it now?

This doesn't mean he's a bad guy or cannot carry through on promises or commitments. Sometimes we get comfortable where we are and never consider tomorrow. He might just be comfortable and doesn't think about the ring or the collar daily, while to you it means a great deal. And although he mentions wanting a second submissive, it might be more fantasy talk than actual desire. If it is real, you both need to sit down, discuss it in great detail, and then make a plan that will address not only both of your needs, but the needs of anyone new coming into your dynamic. You are correct though. He needs to carry out previous promises and commitments before he makes new ones. Otherwise, the new commitments will overshadow the old ones.

You indicate you are in a long-term CareGiver/individual relationship - that's great. But that CareGiver aspect might have impacts on a third person as well.

Best of luck. I'd recommend sorting your house first before you invite any new guests to try it out.
LL

The Patron​(dom male) • Dec 9, 2025

I'll be blunt.

If he can't be responsible for you enough, so you won't need to search for guidance outside your relationship, i'm little skeptical about his ability to take the lead on something complicated like bringing a unicorn (or third) in.
Moreover he needs to be willing to take the responsibility for you first & collar you.

But that's only the 2 cent of someone that looks from outside and that's exactly the problem i'm talking about...
So.. what's your guts saying? You're the best to answer that

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Dec 11, 2025

It sounds like he is playing the field to me.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Dec 11, 2025

Yeah, like Miki, I'm probably not the one you want to hear from. All of my dynamics have been monogamous. That said, you don't sound secure with the commitment you have and bringing in a unicorn is not going to make you feel any more secure.
It raises a question for me though about dynamics. When you negotiated your dynamic did you both agree to monogamy or was the possibility of a third always there? I mean if it just comes up after six years it's something you'd both need to agree to. You don't have to and shouldn't agree to a third until you feel secure in the commitment you have and want a third.
Again, I would have no interest in keeping more than one sub and have nothing against anyone who does, but when you get the those experienced in such dynamics to respond, I'd be interested in how a monogamous dynamic is renegotiated for a third. It's interesting, too that your D is the one who wants the unicorn but tasks you with finding her.
I think you should listen to your intuition. I wish you the best.