Owned vs submissive to

Texasdays​(dom male) • Dec 27, 2025

I meant no offense, but the opposite really. If you have spent the majority of your relationships as a slave, then I appreciate your input and feedback. It is a very challenging and demanding dynamic from what I understand. That is kind of why I asked the question. You submit to your Master in all things, without the usual comforts or accommodations usually afforded to a partner or normal person in society. I guess that's what I understand as the slave dynamic, and it has been explained to me as being less than human. Much as slaves have been viewed throughout history, it is a very specific dynamic, and a very difficult one to maintain. The Master is expected to provide all the things you need to live, and thrive in your role, and you are expected to hold a great deal of knowledge to best serve them. That's why I asked the question, do you feel like there is a difference between being "owned" as a slave, or being submissive to another?

LoveandDevotion​(sub female)​{Taken} • Dec 27, 2025

I am a submissive with slave tendencies, but I am not a slave. I remember hashing out my feelings with a Dom once and he said "You're not into humiliation or degradation, but sounds like you're into objectification. It's a different kink." And he was right.

For me, it's important to be owned, to be claimed, that possessiveness is vital. But I also need to *cherished*. I want my Dom to feel lucky everyday he has me. I am a treasure. I want us both to know my worth and never, ever be demeaned. That includes in the day to day relationship parts of the relationship understanding I am intelligent and competent and capable of being his equal. I may decide to submit an area to him, or maybe we'll make decisions together. It demeans neither of us nor am I usurping anything. Truthfully I am quite naturally submissive so I probably will usually defer to him, but if I don't want to immediately I want to be respected enough it's not taken as a challenge but a healthy conversation. Ideally, we are a happy team in day to day stuff and I can trust him with my emotions, my dreams, my heart.

But in the bedroom he's absolutely in command (limits respected of course.) I am into monogamous free use and pleasing him is far more important to me than him pleasing me. I enjoy suffering for his pleasure, my masochism comes from that, not from actually enjoying pain.

I have been reflecting for a bit on how I adore my pet cats and their unique personalities. People like to say cats are aloof or assholes, and some are, but they can also be super affectionate sweetie pies, clingy and loving. The thing a lot of non cat owners don't get is cats aren't strictly hierarchical by nature. A bigger or tougher cat may boss another around, let's say force them off comfortable chair. But if the tough cat leaves the room, there's nothing in cat culture that says the chair remains forbidden and the little cat gets her time in the chair then. And cats understand who buys the food and who controls who gets to go outside etc. I really do own my cats and they don't control me, even if they occasionally attempt it. I am in charge and they will always clear off the chair if I tell them (or I'll make them). But I adore them and don't mind making them happy sometimes. And as good cat owner I am obligated to take care of them for the rest of their lives and never abandon them. My one cat is from India because I used to live there and when I flew back to the US, she came with me.

All that to say, I've been thinking about how I want to be owned the way I own my cats. That doesn't exactly make me a pet though, like play acting being a pet doesn't turn me on. I just want a Master who lets me have some of my own autonomy but we both know who is really in charge, we play games we both enjoy (in this metaphor kinky ones) we both absolutely adore each other, he takes care of me and he won't abandon me.

And having never shared any of that musing, my new Master and I had the following conversation. He's always been called Daddy but I don't do "Daddy" (too incestuous) and truthfully when I am alone my soul cries out for my Master. I explained that to him and he decided that was acceptable but he'd have to get used to it and asked me what my preferred pet name for myself is and I told him truthfully I don't have one... And he decided I'm "kitten." I'm still getting used to it too. He's also used to a brat dynamic so he's finding my usually instant agreeable submission both surprising and refreshing.

Shrug. I find myself hard to define. But as I don't do casual play I think that makes sense. I feel like strict definable roles are only important if your partners are interchangeable and likely to change. In a monogamous long term relationship it's more about learning about each other and exploring what works for both of you, even if the dynamic you figure out doesn't meet any standard definition anyone else understands.

Anna Lynn​(sub female) • Dec 31, 2025

{ "I meant no offense, but the opposite really. If you have spent the majority of your relationships as a slave, then I appreciate your input and feedback. It is a very challenging and demanding dynamic from what I understand. That is kind of why I asked the question. You submit to your Master in all things, without the usual comforts or accommodations usually afforded to a partner or normal person in society. I guess that's what I understand as the slave dynamic, and it has been explained to me as being less than human. Much as slaves have been viewed throughout history, it is a very specific dynamic, and a very difficult one to maintain. The Master is expected to provide all the things you need to live, and thrive in your role, and you are expected to hold a great deal of knowledge to best serve them. That's why I asked the question, do you feel like there is a difference between being "owned" as a slave, or being submissive to another?"}

Yes. I am a slave and because of that fact, serving within an M/s dynamic comes easily for me which is something I feel very grateful for. Yes, it is true that I have not had the comforts that most in relationships may have. For instance, I did not sit on furniture, sleep in the Master's bed, eat before him, and so forth and so on.
Yes, *for me* being owned is very different than being submissive to another. I was property and operated within the confines of absolute obedience.

Where we part ways is still this idea that I was less than human. I vehemently disgree with whomever described M/s to you in that way and would not nor will I ever surrender to a person who would see me in that way.


You do you

Texasdays​(dom male) • Dec 31, 2025

I appreciate you. Don't ever take it as otherwise, and yes, it was described to me that way by other sources, but it is not a dynamic I have engaged in, or plan to. I have my own dynamic with my partner, and it is definitely not the same. She is very much a person, and we love the space we have created together. It was a question from what I have learned of other dynamics, and how strict they can be. Again, I have meant no offense with the question, but I was just seeking to understand the differences, and how they pertain to all dynamics. I don't own my partner. We don't have that kind of dynamic. I'm naturally dominant, and she is naturally submissive, and we live in that space throughout the entirety of our lives. I care for and support her in all things, and she follows my lead in our lives, and how it unfolds. It's very natural for us, but there is no ownership involved. There is love, understanding, and a great deal of communication, and we feel like that is our way. I'm fascinated by how others view their own dynamics/relationships and that is why I ask questions, but I am in no way saying there is a right or wrong.