How do I do this?

Guys how do I do this? How do I start talking to people and how do I know if they're good? Also how does a sub act and how do I navigate this thing? I feel like I'm out of my depths here also how do I talk to people specifically to have friends as well nothing more?

I haven't been with a Dom seriously and all this seems too much. Am I not ready for this type of thing yet? I'm trying my best but I have so many questions and not many people to answer.

If it seems too much, then slow down. A rule.of thumb for interacting (especially online) that I use is: if you wouldn't approach me like this in public, then don't approach me like this on a BDSM site. (I'm over 21 so really I relate it to a bar or club, but the principle is the same.).

I prefer that people see me as a whole person, NOT as a kink dispenser JUST because I'm on a kink site. For some people, being treated like an object IS their kink and that's ok to them. I'm just not that way.

There is no rulebook to follow so there are no "absolutes", per say. There are some basics tho:

Always stay safe.
Always obtain consent.
Always be clear headed and in the right frame of mind.

SSC...Safe, Sane, and Consentual.

You are barely legal so don't rush I to ANYTHING. There are a lot of fakers, abuser, and low life's in the community, just like in any other "dating" scene. Learn online first and learn to trust your gut. If you hear about something you don't know about, do NOT take one person's word for it. Do your own research from MULTIPLE educators. Listen more than talk. Read more than do.

You find your groove and you'll discover yourself in the process.

Before talking to random people on the internet I highly recommend looking up Evie Lupine on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@EvieLupine

She covers a very wide and deep variety of subjects about BDSM and breaks them down in easy to digest videos. She's been doing it for years so don't be overwhelmed by the sheer number of videos, just pick any title that catches your eye and go down the rabbit hole.

Socializing should be as common as making new freinds which considering the actual action should easily show you the ppl you dont chat with by their aggression.

Before you find a Dom get some knowledge and experience. Plenty of decent topics here to check for answers and theres enough decent ppl that you can find skmeone to educate and even train you if needed. Most predators like to break newbs while others would try to turn you into a simple cum dump slave.

Check with your vanilla freinds of certain fetishes you beleive they're into and if youre accurate youll have freinds for events.

If you have to ask yourself if you're ready for this kind of stuff, you probably aren't. There is no need to rush into things. But as for having "just friendly talk" I do that all the time whenever someone reaches out. It helps in my case that the first thing anyone sees on my profile aside from the fact that it's deliberately thin is: "Not Looking".

A profile is not chiseled on a slab of stone, so you can put that, or something tailored to your personal preferences, then change it as your feelings change. There's nothing wrong with "regular conversation", and you'll find that those who enjoy being friends first with no set timetable for "the next level" tend to stick around while the "Just Add Hot Sheets" insta-doms and/or horn dogs will go away on their own.

Such has been my experience in here over the years. That the spicier ones move on of their own volition means there were no hard feelings (definitely on my part) nor were any of them misled.

I have 2 great friends I "met" in here with whom I communicate occasionally via offsite email. Neither have any expectations of anything beyond just that, and that's perfect.

However, speaking for myself, I am "retired" from active, physical BDSM, but as I still have the mindset and surely can relate to some people anyway, I stick around to reply to the blissfully few messages that are sent and I post to forums where I feel I can contribute something useful. You're new to this and want to expand eventually so "friendly banter" can always include this stuff as you grow more comfortable with it.

Either way, be patient and just engage in light convo when someone Inboxes you and don't worry. Red flags will be as obvious as zits on a host's nose the day of a party.. figuratively speaking. Again, what is key is "Take your time"!

Good responses above, but I especially like and respect SirsBabyDoll and Miki. They make great points.

Paraphrased from SBD:
"If it seems too much, then slow down. A rule of thumb for interacting (especially online) that I use is: if you wouldn't approach me like this in public, then don't approach me like this on a BDSM site.

There is no rulebook to follow so there are no "absolutes", per se.

You are barely legal so don't rush into ANYTHING. "

And from Miki:
"If you have to ask yourself if you're ready for this kind of stuff, you probably aren't. There is no need to rush into things.

Either way, be patient and just engage in light convo when someone Inboxes you and don't worry. Red flags will be as obvious as zits on a host's nose the day of a party.. figuratively speaking. Again, what is key is "Take your time"!"

I will reiterate what was sad above - you are young and we are ALL excitable and feel like time is of the essence. You've got plenty of time. So take the time and learn what you can before you rush headlong into anything. Chat with people who are decent and well respected (such as those who respond above) and keep your eyes wide open.

Oh, and trust your gut but learn the difference between butterflies from a possible great new experience and concern regarding a potential red flag. In all things, anything you feel should be explainable so definitely ask questions and communicate openly. If someone you're "chatting with" cannot communicate fully and openly, it might be an indicator.

I often consider sports and application to life. You learn the basics of swimming before you dive into the deep end. Start out slow, learn to paddle, step into the wading pool and then swim out deeper when you're ready. Although it doesn't matter how proficient you become as a swimmer, there is always the possibility of drowning, you'll be a great deal safer if you learn to swim before going out too deep.

Please feel free to send me a message. I've been a Domme for many years and the safety and comfort of the submissive is TOP priority. I tell the Domme's I coach that if they want responsibility and the opportunity to help heal others, become a Domme. If they want control, become a Sub. Because in all honestly, as a submissive YOU draw the lines and set the boundaries for the scene. Beforehand AND during. I'd love to discuss this more with you and be of any help I can. I'm only here for platonic connection and to expand on the business side of things so I will not make you any offers.
Best of luck.
- Nyx