Trust, Can it be Rebuilt

The original poster is so vague that I find myself wondering if the issue is a simple mistake or a serious betrayal.

If it is a sidewalk I tripped on that left me with stitches and knee injuries, then yes, I will walk that sidewalk again. I understand accidents happen and life carries risk. Heh hem, yes this happened recently, I am going to hold the sidewalk owner liable. “Boundaries”.

If it is a relationship where I am expected to absorb the consequences of someone else’s indiscretion, humiliation, deception, or behavior that causes lasting emotional pain, then my answer is very different.

At some point, loving and protecting myself must come first. No one else is responsible for safeguarding my well-being the way I am. Trust is not rebuilt simply because someone is sorry; it is rebuilt when actions consistently demonstrate safety, respect, and integrity over time.

I also believe people often follow the example we set. Our boundaries teach others how to treat us. If I repeatedly accept violations of my values, I should not be surprised when those same violations reappear, whether from the same person or from future partners who learn that those boundaries are flexible.

For me, trust is less about forgiveness and more about self-respect. If rebuilding trust requires abandoning my values, accepting repeated harm, or normalizing behavior that diminishes my self-worth, then the price is too high.

In the end, we often attract what we allow. The boundaries we establish become the doorway through which people enter our lives.

Trust in a D/s relationship is like a fine piece of pottery. When it breaks, the cracks may remain visible, but with care, honesty, and commitment, it can be restored—and sometimes become more beautiful and resilient than before.

Submission is not given because a Dominant is perfect. It is given because a Dominant has proven worthy of trust. When trust is damaged, worthiness must be demonstrated again, one action at a time.

Very hard thing to get back once its been broken. But really depends on whats happened.

The sub giveth and the sub taketh away, no matter the pleas, bargains or changing the narrative. Different strokes for different folks. Aka: i don’t care what your title is more than my core personal values. There are subs who will take said “mistakes”. For others including myself it’s a deal breaker and that goes for either of us. No problem walking it off. Life moves on and a better future awaits.

Regaining broken trust fepends on 3 basic things which all may change each time it happens.

1. How the trust was broken as compared to how long the dynamic has been in effect.

2. How long it has been since the last time trust has been broken as compared to how badly it was broken last time.

3. How easily you forgive by #1, #2, and your personality

It depends on the nature of the broken trust. Some things are more forgivable than others.

I can speak to neither romantic relationships nor BDSM dynamics because I have never taken an interest in either, but there are other situations where trust can be broken.

If it is a situation where Person A made an honest mistake be it with a confidence or a borrowed item such as banging up the other's car. Those can be mended with sufficient communication --- One can forgive but it's a hell of a lot harder to forget but in time trust can return.

In a more severe case, a deliberate or even careless betrayal of a confidence shared by one friend with another, regardless of how much or even if any reputational damage is done-- That's the vase you can't glue back together.

Perhaps over a long period of time the pair can be casual friends once again, but the original trust is forever flushed down the crapper of life.

As always, that's my opinion. Other results may vary. There's no One Size Fits All for anything we cross on life's path.

I think so yes, but not easily. I'm in a relationship where trust has been rebuilt after a betrayal, but it did take a few years for things to be back to normal. For me, understanding the reason why things happened was a big part of why I decided to forgive and rebuild trust. I do trust them fully again at this point.

The bigger question to me is how many times does someone get to break trust before it can't be rebuilt? I wouldn't go through the work we did again, but I'm glad I did. People are human and make mistakes, and I would have really regretted it if I didn't do this work to rebuild because I'm really happy now!

Trust is belief. 

Before your trust was broken, you believed the other person would behave benevolently, consistently, and with comptenence. 

After the trust is broken, you have evidence that contradicts your belief in that person. Either you question they have goodwill, you question if they have the capacity to live up to the expected standard, or you aren't sure they can do it on a regular basis. 

Your belief in how you expect them to show up has now been informed by their behavior. You can never go back to trusting them based on belief alone. Now any trust has to be earned and that's a process with no hard end-date, it can take forever. 

The work of rebuilding trust falls disproportionately on the person whose trust was violated. 
- To forgive and trust you have to be able to observe and update your perception based on what the trust-breaker is showing you now. 
- To earn your forgivness and trust, they have to be able to demonstrate reliable benevolence constantly. 

Before you had trust based only on belief. Now, if you have trust, it must be formed from evidence. 

Theoretically it is possible to rebuild trust. I've never known someone who betrayed me and was interested in doing the work to repair my trust when they thought they could get away with sparing words instead of repairing wounds. Too late they realize that I am satisfied to let go of those who greviously break my trust. 

You are a far better woman/sub than i. In my mind i would always think because they got away with it- it will most certainly happen again and be far better hidden. Im not saying there are not success stories out there, i am saying they are very rare and i have not met one. The old saying fits “for every 1 rat you do see, there are 100 you do not see”.