I don't know what to do and need a bit of advice

Fishy doesn't cover it. This is "I'm talking to a serial killer" territory. Trust me, as a cruel sadistic fuck myself, you can find one who isn't this goddamned sketchy.

grumpyfrog, you made one very good decision, now it's time for a second good decision. The good decision? Joining a site with some very knowledge, experienced and helpful doms and subs. Thus far, this thread has provided you with excellent insights and reasons to never get close to this man ever again and you've received some very good ideas about how to achieve that. I hope you will re-read this thread and take it to heart knowing that you can achieve what you want from this man with others on this site. Just take the time to do it and do it cautiously. Even on this site, some doms are neither honest nor honorable.

I want to dwell a moment on what Sinister Minister wrote: "Make sure before you meet this gargantuan red flag in person that your mom has your dental records, dna swab, fingerprint card and hair sample it will make identification easier. "

I had read a few of the replies to you when I decided an important point hadn't been made and then I noticed the quote above which touched on my concern but, as serious as this situation is, I wanted to state his concern explicitly.

This man has conditioned you to accept all of his decisions and literally place your health and well-being, not to mention your life and your mother's life, literally in his hands with no recourse for you and no jeopardy for him (assuming he doesn't leave any DNA behind or get seen by a neighbor). Both you and your mother could literally be held captive for the rest of your lives (fine for you if that's what you want but I have seen you see that's your mom's desire as well) and/or be severely tortured daily (again, fine for you if that's what you want but I suspect his torture be extreme and beyond your imagination) and/or he could kill your mom, grill her on a bbq and serve her to you for dinner and/or kill you and have you for dinner.

Am I wrong? I hope so but you've been clear, you know nothing about this man except for some explicit details of PART of his intent. If you can't fully investigate him to the nth degree before committing to potential suicide, I hope you will drop him like the hand grenade he is and that you will hang around this site, learn more, get the support from many on here qualified to give it (I don't include myself in that), and find someone much more open and safe.

I wish you the very best and that you SAFELY find what you are yearning for.

B

I had overlooked JaredMayer's post. He stated it succinctly and correctly. On the danger scale this is 9.9 out of 10 (it should be a 10 but I've lowered it ever so slightly because you do have some experience with this guy that suggests he might be able to give you the "good" parts of what you crave - unfortunately, he may also kill you and/or your mom just for the heck of it).

B

You do have a MASTER of the Mind here at play and clearly, no boundaries can exist in His imagination.

i don’t think this is really about BDSM anymore. i think you’re describing a fantasy that has become more powerful than reality itself. There may even be an element of trauma attachment or something resembling Stockholm syndrome at play.

After eight months, you don’t know his name, face, occupation, or whether he is even who he says he is. Ironically, I suspect that’s exactly what keeps the deep pull alive. He is allowed to remain larger than life, mysterious, terrifying, powerful and perfect because he is essentially invisible.

Some people are absolute MASTERS of psychological dynamics and “mindfucks.” They understand anticipation, intermittent attention, mystery, fear, longing, and emotional investment. Emotional and mental sadism. The mind fills in the blanks and can build someone almost mythic. The fantasy becomes so valuable that bringing it into reality would likely shatter it. Do You even want it to stop?

My guess? You will most definitely never know His real identity, and you will never meet Him. Not because He isn’t skilled at what he does, but because meeting, verifying, and seeing the ordinary human behind the persona would ruin the very thing that makes this connection feel so intoxicating and addictive like heroin for you.

If you want to test whether you’re attached to Him or to the fantasy, take a month away. No rereading messages, no checking for contact, no imagining future scenes. See if you physically feel ill and pain away. Then write down only what you actually know versus what you’ve had to imagine. Sometimes seeing the difference between the person and the projection is enough to loosen the hold. If you really do want to know the truth and release from the fantasy.

When there are red flags all over the place and we’re going forward, there are usually some very valuable lessons lurking under the surface. It’s an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Advice? Look inward first.