I'm new and in need of input

I'm new and in need of input

Lily Keelia • Mar 30, 2017

Hi everyone. I'm Lily, a new Domme. I have experience as a sub, but I've met someone who wants to be in a D/s relationship as a sub. I'm willing to try Domming him, but I'm nervous that I will let him down. Any tips?

Villanelle​(staff) • Mar 31, 2017

Be more concerned about whether or not he let's you down

Lily Keelia • Mar 31, 2017

He is too eager to please to ever let me down. He might disobey me but not on purpose. Then he'll get corner time.

discipline

susan 146 • Mar 31, 2017

make the pain mesh with the pleasure, lots of stroking while giving discipline he will crave you

Lily Keelia • Mar 31, 2017

Good advice. Thanks.

DrWakko • Apr 1, 2017

You said you were willing to "try" Domming him. I think you need to take a long hard look into yourself. Its one thing to dominate someone over a weekend or over night or a play session. Its a whole other ball game when you are the Top in the relationship 24/7. When it comes to play you have experience as a bottom, so use what you like as your starter for play.

If you aren't ready mentally to be the Top and Domme 24/7 that relationship is going to have problems. Think about it before you jump into it.


DW

Lily Keelia • Apr 1, 2017

Thank you for that. You are absolutely right. The idea has grown on me since I typed that. That was my insecurity talking, to be honest. I am a Domme with a happy slave. I guess I'm just nervous about keeping him that way.

Misdee​(dom female) • Apr 3, 2017

A blind fold will do wonders for you. Subs wonder what you are up to and they can't see you nervous! It also can help them relax and concentrate on feeling. If you need a moment to think don't leave them but take a moment you can always tell them that you think they need to spend some time contemplating anything you choose.... hmm like what you "might do next" a favourite one of mine lolling.
Have fun!

Lily Keelia • Apr 3, 2017

Thank you! I love that.

Soundguy Dom​(dom male) • Apr 3, 2017

Dominance can be expressed in many ways unique to the participants. All explorations should begin with communications. Important parts of becoming a Domme/Dom are taking responsibility for establishing boundaries, understanding expectations and guiding your sub in a way that is mutually fulfilling.

My suggestion would be to start a conversation with your sub sitting at your feet, a simple physical way of reinforcing your dominance. Tell him to define what Dominance means to him. Instruct him to look into your eyes as he answers. Listen to what he says, watch his expressions and body language as he answers. Don't settle for vague generalities refine his replies by asking questions that push him to expose his deepest desires.

Don't rush to comment on his replies, carefully consider them and then decide if you are capable of becoming the Domme that fits his vision. Since you are changing from sub to Domme for him as opposed to being an existing Domme this will be more of a journey for you than him.

Walk carefully, Dominate creatively and express your power with great care.