Open letter to new subs (from Subspacekitten)

Open letter to new subs (from Subspacekitten)

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Dec 6, 2018

Dear new submissive,

I am so proud of you for taking the first step to unlocking your true self! Welcome to the Cage. We are all a great community of people and I sincerely hope that you have a great time here. Know that you will meet people here that will bring you joy, some that will give you the heebie-jeebies and some that are just awesome. Just a few things to think about:

Be true to yourself. You cannot be happy with anyone else if you aren't getting what you need. Note that I said need here, not want. You can want things all day long but your needs are what are most important here.

We are all here for various reasons but at the base of them all, we are here because we need this. The community, the kink, the understanding of others like us. Keep sight of what you need. Always.

You may meet someone who seems to speak to you on a deep level, and they may actually end up being your dominant, but take a moment and make sure you aren't just going through subfrenzy (if you don't know what frenzy is, research is your friend!). Frenzy can lead to damage to you and or your mind later. Don't jump into anything right out of the gate.

No good Dom or Domme is going to demand your submission straight away. If they do, run!

Your submission is YOUR gift to give and for your dominant to earn. You hold that power over yourself until your dominant has earned and proven to you that they are worthy of your trust and submission. This is the power exchange.

Kneel for yourself. What does that even mean SSK? Do things for the betterment of YOU. Meditation, reading, taking a long bath, whatever the case may be... You have to be able to submit to your own needs before submitting to another.

Never be afraid to ask/get what you want and need. You may feel like a bad person because a situation does not work out for various reasons including lack of attraction. Don't. You know what you need and things you require to feel safe.



The most important thing is ssc. Safe, sane, consensual!



I know there's more to it than this, but these are the things I wish everyone to know off the top of my head.



Much love,

SSK ?



PS, Feel free to add to this if you wanna share some wisdom folks!

Curlyniccia{Protected} • Dec 8, 2018

Thank you so much for this. As a new sub i'm trying to find my way in world I know I belong to but it's still a scary place.
So many emotions, thoughts and experiences have led me to here.
It took a great deal if courage to take this first step.
Now I'm here I feel i'm Standing on the sides lines looking in wondering what my next step should be.
I've received many messages and have already started to learn from reading on here when to say no.
For me an important lesson is to not rush in but to find my feet, find friends and learn.
So please come and say hello.
I'm always polite back.
For me I've just stepped in the pool, not able to swim yet.
I'm the one you see shivering in the shallows, arms around her chest feeling subconscious, vulnerable and scared.
A friendly face, a smile is all that's needed at present. A few encouraging words. Company.

Thank you
X

74Tap​(sub female) • Dec 8, 2018

I appreciate your letter and agree about standing in the shallows. I have read and am researching and will continue. My question for experienced subs is this seems so intense and you feel a void being filled and get caught up any suggestions, guidelines, opinions on how to take it slow, what does slow look like in a D/s dynamic.

Needmoreinfo​(sub female) • Dec 8, 2018

Thank you so much for this, just when I thought of kinda giving up on the aspects of what want an can have, it helps to know someone else was thinking just the same thing. Thank you

NashuaNiki​(sub female) • Dec 9, 2018

Thank you.

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Dec 9, 2018

I think this is very good advice. Don't jump into until you feel like you have your feet under you. Always be true to who you are and what you want. Do not agree to surrender until you feel like the Dom understands who you are and what you need as a submissive woman. Also, you are a woman first and a submissive woman second, make sure you feel like your Dom understands that. We as Doms have our ways and what we want and expect from our subbies but most of understand each sub is different and in order to be a good Dom, we need to understand you and your needs. It is a big step to go from want to play and sub, to actually subbing. It likely will be different than you imagine and each Dom has a unique style. Look for someone who wants to spend time getting to know you and wants to know about all of your thoughts, including concerns you have.

When you find a Dom who understands you and your needs and is capable of taking you where you want to go, it is magical for both Dom and sub. It is worth taking your time to make sure you know what you are getting into.

But no matter how much you try to set things up properly, these are complex relationships and they do not always work out. Be prepared for that and do not hold yourself to blame if things don't work out. Enjoy the ride, seek out people you think can help you prepare and understand, deal with emotions which you will expereince.

When you connect with someone, it is such a deep connection usually.

Good luck!