Introducing myself

Hey everyone o/

I'm DeepSpacePotato. I'm a usually chill and I guess somewhat nerdy introverted 28M gay bottom dude. Into sci-fi/fantasy games and TV shows. Like having some music playing in the background while working, although I'm not good at figuring out music genres. Though it's usually EDM or rock I guess?

Many years ago when I more-less came to terms with being gay and bottom I suddenly got hit by a realization that a lot of my hot fantasies are a bit.. unconventional and that they include various things from bondage to power dynamics.. Which made me very confused and to be honest a bit frustrated, cause.. like.. come on! Local society was constantly saying that gay dudes "aren't real men", that bottom guys "are weak" and not I'm apparently submissive on top of that? Can I please stop stacking modifiers that are disliked by people? Which is dumb of course, some people are just hateful. And logically I understand that and that there isn't anything wrong with me and that I'm not weak or wrong. But you know.. when people get spammed with some information for years even when they don't agree it starts to slowly seep in and mess with you on the inside either causing doubts or emotional discomfort.

So I started trying to figure it out. Initially stumbled upon lots of bad fanfiction being passed off as reality which REALLY confused me. Eventually I found some blogs and channels where real people shared their actual kinky experiences and explained how BDSM is supposed to work in a responsible way. So I have some theoretical knowledge of the basics I guess (ssc vs rack, safewords, aftercare, protocol, limits (or want, will, will not lists), collaring, differences between session-based play, 24/7, TPE and so on).
Even so I occasionally have doubts if I'm really kinky or just like to have kinky fantasies. The only way to be sure is to try I guess? Then again, considering that I spent quite a while being interested and searching about how it's overall done, I feel like there are at least some things that would definitely work for me in reality.

Unfortunately when it comes to practice I have little experience with vanilla stuff and basically no experience with kink. I was born and I lived in a country where gay people are hated for many years and now living in a country where people are kinda disliked. So.. I try to be cautious. Maybe some day I'll be able to go somewhere else and finally live and explore. For now I'm trying to be more active online in LGBTQ+ and BDSM communities and just chat with people.