Poly and the Qualification of Love

Poly and the Qualification of Love

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 23, 2019

“I cannot do poly, I love too fiercely.”
I read this (or some comparable variation on this theme) fairly often in the profiles of people who prefer monogamy, and it bothers me. It seems to insinuate that because I practice polyamory, I cannot love as fiercely as someone who opts for monogamy.
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with monogamy. If it is what you prefer, that is all that matters to you. What bothers me is the stigma attached to non-monogamy as a whole. I will not claim that every non-monogamous relationship is a paragon of enlightened love, just as it would be foolish to believe that monogamy is the sure path to traditional love. If you relinquish the idea that love is a quantifiable commodity, you quickly realize that there is nothing concrete to separate a non-monogamous person from a monogamous one. It falls to qualification of the individual.
I reiterate that if what you want is the traditional ‘single person for you’ situation, that is your choice and it should receive nothing less than the utmost respect. All I ask is that it be left as a neutral decision, without furthering the stigma by stereotyping the cold, selfish non-monogamist against the burning, passionate devotion of the monogamist. They have nothing to do with one another. In my thirteen years of sharing kink with my partners, I have had over thirty subs (thirty-four at the time of this article), and while not all of them have been memorable love stories, the vast majority have. I devote the entirety of my life to my subs, and they return my devotion by gifting me with their influence, thoughts, considerations, and above all else, submission.
Sure, there has been a functional element. I cannot begin to recount how often I have helped to supply a particular desire unfulfilled in an otherwise happy relationship. This is a situation unto itself, but it works for some people, and that is a wonderful thing.
I hold that the love I gift to each and every one of my subs would hold up against the love of any monogamous couple without exception, because I make it so.
I want to love; I make it so with people who want to love me; and that is all that truly matters.

Heroic​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2019

What you have said it's what I have been trying to form into words. Thank you.

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2019

You are welcome, Heroic.
Thank you for reading.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Sep 24, 2019

Well written

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2019

Thank you

Subservientsandy​(sub female) • Sep 24, 2019

Wonderfully written....

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2019

Thank you

Master C's toy​(sub female){Chevy} • Sep 24, 2019

I have lived poly, and hope to one day again. My first male Dom was alone when we started our relationship. Our love for each other was very strong. When we finally found another to join us I seen him change in a way that was so amazing. His love for us both was so profound. I think that he loved more fiercely because there were two subs to love. IMO

Very insightful, thank you.

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Sep 24, 2019

Thank you for sharing.

Bunnie • Sep 25, 2019

@ Misterasmodai,

Thank you so much. This tends to irk me also.

There’s also the misconception that it’s considered the most common form of dynamic in bdsm... this also is quite untrue... I have found either monogamy to be the more common mindset/relationship choice among most, or there’s those who behave in deceptive ways and try to put it under an umbrella of poly.

I personally have found that finding those who authentically align with a poly/harem mindset/dynamic are quite rare... but they are out there... and as you have done, it is important to share information about these things that aren’t so mainstream, to help combat misinformation and misunderstanding.

So again, thank you... your post is very much appreciated