Don't know where to start

Don't know where to start

Cariad​(sub female){Taking thi} • Oct 27, 2019

My first experience in the lifestyle was awful and my second well I can't make no sense of it anymore. I met him on another app in February there was a very instant connection for both of us (now not sure), he had only just moved to the UK was so much find online we giggled I was able to be me and totally submissive. We'd play etc and plan to meet which we did but I'll get to that in a bit. We are both poly I have played with a girl a few times and with his help I made a girl come a few times anyway he started to work more hours spend less time with me. Money and family issues, around April he didn't fully disappear but had a message few days or a week. We found another for the triad in may which was a lot of fun but she turned out to be a liar.... He told me he loved me called me his heart we used to sleep on came and wake up to each other the smile on his face when he saw me melted me... Anyway he worked alot spoke wen he could and met in June which was amazing I felt home I could be me, did a few things but as it was my first actual experience of real domination. Anyway he said this isn't goodbye and our connection was even more.... He got a new job and his time with me got less and less he said he wouldn't stop loving me or leave me bit I haven't heard from him since august... He collered and marked me to... He still wearing his I know he is ..... I need help and advice

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 27, 2019

Hello and welcome.

Im so sorry to hear that your intro into BDSM was so horrid.

Time to move on from him. Im so sorry he marked you.

That was inappropriate, esp if there was an inkling that he would not be able to back it up.


Do you have local events ?

Cariad​(sub female){Taking thi} • Oct 27, 2019

There was never ever any inkling that it would be like this.... He into the gorean lifestyle

MasterBear​(other butch) • Oct 27, 2019

Ahhh ok.

You have really been through the ringer.

Did he explain Gor?

Did he give you the books to read?

Did he explain what marking you meant for him-- and you?


I know you are heart broken.

I am so sorry for you.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Oct 27, 2019

Yep.... hard as it will be .... MasterBear is correct.... time to move on.

Zedland​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2019

Sorry but it sounds like he is ghosting you. This is very unfortunate.

SirPain​(dom male) • Oct 27, 2019

I have a rule. I will not collar any sub/slave until we have had at least six months of constant contact. I'm not necessarily talking 24/7 but at least once or twice a week with in face meetings. As the saying goes; Talk is cheap. I feel the same way about talking on the internet. Anyone will be able to talk on the internet, especially if there is no video of the conversation. I much prefer to talk on Skype as I am able to see the person I'm talking to.

A Dom who wants to collar a sub/slave immediately, or after only a short time, is more than likely a poser. Even if there are a few face to face meetings, they are probably only trying to put a notch in their gun (as the saying goes).

I have to agree with all the others who have suggested that it is time to move on.

As to the marking. My wife and I met on another alternative site. She too had been marked by her Gorean Master but fortunately it was only a tattoo. She was able to have the ownership part of the tattoo covered. If your marking is such that it can not easily be covered then perhaps a tattoo over it will help. I only hope that the marking is not a cutting or branding. These are much more difficult to cover.

ADIDAS • Oct 27, 2019

Oh my dear Ms. Cariad.....
I'm so truly sorry for your heart break!"I can sense it in your writing. You poor thing!!! You are filled with uncertainty, concern, hurt, confusion. retracing every detail of the last conversations you had with him to see if there's a hint as to an answer to what's happening right now. I know.... I've been there. Mine told me he loved me right up to the last day I heard from him. It's hard to understand that if he's ghosting you, then your relationship probably wasn't what you thought it was all along...

You will feel much better about yourself when you accept that he's the bad guy here, not you. He lied, and ghosted you for his own purpose. Not worthy of you or your submission!!!! I get that you were real and believed him. Doesn't mean you can't have that with another. I know, you're saying no, you don't want another Dom, I understand, I felt the same way. But believe me when I tell you, your Dom we will find you as long as you make it possible for Him to be able to find you. In other words, stay active in groups like this. Don't let one bad actor ruin what WILL eventually be a very beautiful , REAL, honest, complete dynamic for you.

Take care my Dear.... feel free to message me if I can be of any further help to you....

Ms. A.🐸

Bunnie • Oct 28, 2019

@ Cariad,

Our levels of loyalty make it so difficult to move on from a situation that doesn’t have closure. Along the journey of life I’ve come to realise that very rarely will situations give us the closure we seek... it is up to us to create that for ourselves.

Sometimes we simply don’t know what happened or if it will change/get better. Sometimes we simply have to make hard decisions. It sucks... especially as a submissive... and especially as a collared and marked submissive.

Two months of no communication is *forever* in this lifestyle... a lifestyle based on trust and communication. It sounds like you were really only receiving scraps before that also. How can a solid foundation be built on scraps?

My advice would be to do two things... write up a pros and cons list regarding the dynamic you have with him... be very honest with yourself. Is this situation nourishing your soul, or not?

and...

Consider your best friend came to you seeking advice for this situation... what advice would you give her?

Cariad​(sub female){Taking thi} • Oct 29, 2019

Thanks for all the words it's so very raw my loyalty is hard to drop... I'm broken if I'm honest... He told me he would never leave me... Told me he trusted and loved me enough to play and in the end always go back to him.... Confused and hurt