Please explain your choice

Please explain your choice

trainerforsubs • May 3, 2020

I am a little puzzled when I try to send a message and see this " XXX wishes not to receive messages from new people who are not subscribed." I would like to hear from members who have made this choice to limit receiving messages.

Bunnie • May 3, 2020

Of course...

For me personally, there are many reasons, which I’m happy to share, in no particular order of importance...

This place was my first experience with on-line and an on-line community... so one could say that in a sense, I was “raised” here. You name it... I have seen it... or experienced it... or heard it.
After a while, it becomes... mundane. I don’t say this to be hurtful or egotistical. I say this because it’s simply my truth.
And yes... I’ve heard the “if you don’t want to be social, why be here?” Much like I was told that if I didn’t drink, why go to a pub.
Well... just because I don’t wish to partake like everyone else does... doesn’t mean I don’t still get something nourishing from the experience of simply being there. I love to offer support and encouragement within the levels of my capabilities.

Also, I have absolutely no qualms with showing interest in someone if it exists... in fact... when I find a man I want to belong to... I am more than willing to throw myself at his mercy. That’s how it works for me. I am simply not interested in men who approach me. Dissect that as you will

Also, I do not require the (secret) ego boost from having unwanted attention knocking on my door... so for those wolves... I simply removed the knocker :b

There’s also the vulnerability of boundaries. I’m very protective of my self and my boundaries. I see this really as simply a boundary. I don’t flaunt it. It allows me to quietly maintain control over who I allow into my space.

I’m also simply not good at giving people the attention they want from me. This always leads to them feeling like not enough, and me feeling miserable for making them feel that way because of my own shortcomings. I am simply not capable of “spreading myself around” or really even sitting still long enough to have a conversation.

So I save us all the hassle of time wasted or awkwardness... and I simply hang a Do Not Disturb Sign on my door. I think that sends a very clear message to everyone equally

I’m not denying the fact that I use this as a tool to help where I am in my journey at this time. I am not confident in my boundaries yet, and I am also not confident in my abilities of friendship. It’s definitely a form of self-protection. One that I am very grateful for. It allows me to come here and enjoy this place for the reasons I come here... to connect... in a way that feels safe for me.

I hope this explanation helps your understanding a bit more

DrWakko • May 3, 2020

You have to be a paid member to send them messages. Stops people who just get on this site trying to get their dicks wet from harassing them.

House Talion​(dom male) • May 3, 2020

Do keep in mind that there's a lot of wannabes, spammers, subs turned findoms, and a hunch of ppl that just want a quick lay. All these ppl dont want to subscribe or confirm for premium. Soninnpart anyone that doesntndobthese thinsnis seen as one of those kinds of ppl. Frankly I cant blame them cause I spent a long time of fetlife which is full of so much bs its only good for finding events. Personally I figured I'd give this place just long enough till p start making fun of others for what they post before I cross the line of rejection ting messages of non-premium members.

No Body​(dom male) • May 3, 2020

I guess it is just a personal matter. I have always been taught knowlage must be shared to be of any use. It could be that if your not a full member of cage then your just stopping by and looking. To many subs get "ghosted" by those who just come in to get there kicks and run. So do some of the Doms here. So if your don't have a full profile or don't have a picture they don't bother with you.

There are many like me who will talk and help anyone who ask for it. Even then we are cautious of any friendship we may start till we get to know you. I

trainerforsubs • May 3, 2020

Thank you to all those who replied I get the point about harassment by people who are not paid members. The trade off is that some non-paid members are here to seriously talk and possibly meet people. Ghosting is a big problem on all sites. I don't understand why someone just doesn't say I am not interested in talking . I think most people would respect that. I do have to report that I have been ghosted by paid members.
I also understand the idea of a "do not disturb" sign on a profile. I think that it can possibly be phrased a little better. Perhaps the member should write their own.

AngelBunny • May 4, 2020

At the moment I'm not taking messages from anyone and it's been so peaceful. I'm introverted so I find it overwhelming to get a bunch of messages from people I don't know. I was tired of stressing over if the person sincerely wanted to get to know me or if they were just wanting to get off. If someone wants to get my attention they can like my profile or make a comment on one of my blog posts. If I'm interested in them, I don't have a problem messaging them. On my profile I let people know that's the best way to interact with me. I enjoy reading the blogs and the forum on The Cage and I can talk to and get to know people that way.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • May 4, 2020

Paying for a subscription wont make anyone more or less mature or serious, but someone willing to invest in their access here may be in it for more than just a quick easy screw. It "thins the herd" so to speak. But I will add that this doesn't mean that there aren't HNG's using paid subscriptions to further their purpose of widening their reach. Some expect limiting the number of those contacting the risk that comes with this to be lessened.

IowaDom​(dom male) • May 5, 2020

I do not limit or constrain access to me through this site. The possibilities far outweigh the occasional spam mail. There are several reasons for my choice....

1. I tend to read the blogs and forums and try to respond and help people or at least reach out to them so they know they are not alone in a crowded room when I feel I can help them, and I would not want the size of their wallet to determine who that may be.

2. I am part of a group, a wonderful group that includes all of you.. and there is true power in that group.

3. I love to hear from people in general

MasterRon​(dom male) • May 5, 2020

Well I do agree with you on the point of saying a simple no is much more better than having messages blocked. Also, I have seen people who have messages turned off from other premier users too. Though I personally feel it's rude to turn off messages or not reply to someone who has messaged you, I never do that personally but I have seen the inbox of someone who was my sub once and I had access to her account as part of our relationship and I was amazed at the sheer volume of messages she used to get in a day even though her profile clearly mentioned she was taken. At one point even I got tired and stopped looking at her profile. So you can imagine the amount of messages they have to reply to and are bombarded with sometimes it's just better to turn the noise off so that one can focus on what they want.