Exploring Submissiveness Returns Further Dominance

Exploring Submissiveness Returns Further Dominance

starvedKat​(sub female) • Nov 29, 2020

I’ve only been in the scene for a little while, and only online at that, but... eh...??

I’m that girl who’s been accustomed to having a “strong” front, but I know well that I’m sexually submissive. I’ve been hoping to explore the submissive side of me, but my God... most men with whom I’ve talked only piss me off... which in turn results in me being more jaded, defensive, and arrogant... something I’m already tired of being. I came here for a tension release, yet I’ve only gotten my exhausting side be more prevalent...

Gosh... I really need to accept that I might as well be alone for the rest of my my life... but it’s just too sad to even think about—

I wish I were a dom male... At least that way I won’t have a dissonance in literally my entire being and existence :p

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Nov 29, 2020

Congratulations.....you’ve met some of the asshats who can’t tell the difference between dominant and domineering. Finding the real thing is going to be like finding a designer handbag in a thrift store.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Nov 29, 2020

Glancing at your profile, you are quite young so I wouldn’t quite give up hope just yet. As for finding a designer handbag in a thrift store, I had to laugh. It depends upon which Thrift Store you shop in I guess. But it’s a great analogy since you do have to look for faux name brand bags much like the insta and fake doms that proliferate many, many locals and sites.

If you don’t mind the recommendation, take your time and don’t let those asshats irritate you. And while you’re taking your time, get to know yourself and what you may be into. That will also help you determine who you want to talk to by looking at their profiles and maybe reading any of their contributions in blogs or forums. There are numerous outstanding individuals who blog often about their journeys, paths and discoveries and you can learn a little about what you may enjoy.

All the best.
LL

Redfoxmask​(dom male) • Nov 29, 2020

Hello, I also read your profile after reading this post, you are very young, does not surprise me that you have been being inundated with things like you say, but keep up hope and vette your Dom, ask lots and lots of questions, dont be in a rush, vette whoever it is and be very careful who you allow in your life. dont rush it you have a lot of time, and good luck on your journey.

Re: Exploring Submissiveness Returns Further Dominance

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 29, 2020

Don't give up or consign yourself to the elephant grave yard just yet. Good relationships are wicked hard to find, and once you do, they can be wicked hard to keep. Such is the disposable nature of society. Keep trying but keep the thick skin handy. All people have 2 smiles and 4 cheeks and the trick is to discern which smile they're "showing" you online via text or over the phone.. and which "smile" they face you with in person and over a period of time.

Remember, one set of cheeks is for kissing, the other for kicking and it's not as easy as it sounds to be able to tell the difference.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 29, 2020

When the theme parks came out with the Hogwarts recreation down by Disney I went on youtube and saw a host of videos about it. Some took you through the actual rides, others took you behind the scenes. It was way cool.

I hope to get down there to see the real thing. Never do I assume the watching those videos were any part of reality.

The same is true for online exploration. Yes, you open yourself to some new thoughts and feelings and someone on the phone or on the computer gets all bossy. You are surprised at how it all makes you feel and some of your feelings come from a deep place and you feel like you're waking up for the first time.

But it isn't real.
It isn't a real relationship.
You sacrifice/give up nothing.

And as you said, you came here for tension release not a real relationship. so I am not sure why you are lamenting about never finding a real relationship.

Dominance and Mastery, submission and slavery are not simple. They take a lot of time, stumbling, struggling and much more than what online can give you. So topping and bottoming might be better for an online person, who is 19 and also in college. Might not be the time for you to be looking for the intensity and long term efforts these relationships require.

Topping and bottoming is for the moment, play, exploration. So maybe read up on that and see if it is a better fit for now.

You said you are jaded, defensive, and arrogant. If you are you need to work on that with someone like a counselor. Your university has them. You are too young and if those things are in you for other reasons I suggest you get those things resolved because IF you do get into a relationship in this lifestyle, and you carry a lot of old business in with you? Well it will fuck you up.

And a) nobody likes that person, and b) the ones who will take you on might be more about breaking you and hurting you than helping wrestle you out of your issues. People with their shit together do NOT take on projects. So be careful with that.

Because we tend to go deep in these things and your best AND worst will bubble up. So it won't work for you and you will become more jaded, defensive, and arrogant.

As far as your strength and stubbornness. Submissive women and Slave women are not fluffy bunnies. We are strong, smart, powerful people. We seek our match in that regard, and when we find him and he leads we are happy to follow. And we follow with a lot on the table so our surrender is big and valuable.

I think many are confused about that. We used to joke and call it the "kneel bitch" mentality. You don't get me at hello. You don't get to order me like a sandwich at the store. You inspire me, you make me want to kneel, and that comes from trust. Can't really build that the same way online. Because the lack of physical touch and connection is often the part that seals the deal.

I suspect that what aggravates you now in these encounters is that inner eye that sees it's a waste of time or that the person is full of it and your gut is fussing. That is a good thing. Developing a strong instinct (your gut) is essential in life.

I'd suggest you modify your profile and remove the newness references. Stop looking for the guy who will be a short cut. Because there are none. Just guys who will get off on you being new and young and will depend on you NOT knowing enough to spot their BS.

And as you learn more (search amazon for BDSM - vanilla not fantasy) you will see it more optimistically. And take it easy on yourself. You have a long way to go.

(and you'll do great)

---one last thing. Dominance and submission are not the only personality types, So your fighting side doesn't make you dominant, it makes you a fighter.

Some strong or difficult people are just that. Strong and difficult.
Some weak and helpless people are just that. Weak and helpless.

So when you push back it isn't about a lack of submission.
Frustration, issues, anger... maybe. But not a shift to dominance.

All parties in a power exchange dynamic must be their best. Must own their shit. Must evolve and be strong in what they do. You just aren't there yet.

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Nov 29, 2020

I looked at your profile, what a long list of requirements!

One thing that caught my eye is:
- and must be open-minded about converting into my family’s religion (even if it’s just for show).

How could anyone complain about disingenuous people, fake doms, etc, when at the same time asking for someone to give up his conviction and/or act in a deceitful manner (pretending to convert to a religion just for show)? What if he wishes you to be open-minded about converting to his religion?

Re: Exploring Submissiveness Returns Further Dominance

Axelhazaki • Nov 30, 2020

You will find the right guy just trust in your self and it's good your not falling for the fakes that wanted just one thing. Hope we can catch up kat

With All Due Respect... STFU...

starvedKat​(sub female) • Nov 30, 2020

Oh, look! Another American-based individual being ignorant of my cultural background and situation! And here I thought traveling so damn far to the US will acquaint me with more open minded people...

Fr, though. You don’t know me. I don’t want to force anyone to make such a commitment, thus I display that up front. I want to be happy, but I want my family to be at peace too... It’s selfish, I know. It’s deceitful... but do you know how painful it is to try convincing yourself that you’re going to remain alone for the rest of your life??? I don’t want that. I’m a bit sly, but I just really don’t want that. And it’s literally right there... me putting a disclaimer that the vain stuff (body type, height, etc) can definitely be compensated. God forbid someone trying to find likeminded people, lmao.

At least this time it’s a woman that’s pissing me off. Something a little more original, at least, lol.

MalakaiY​(dom male) • Nov 30, 2020

@starvedKat, before you get "pissed off", finish reading this, because I think the problem is you.
You're filtering for exactly the type of men that's contacting you.

Normally, I would say that there's nothing wrong with having high demands/standards if you're a high-quality woman, but you seem to have overdone it.
ElizaEmma is right to question that requirement, because it shows that you don't have a realistic view of relationships.
Relationships don't need to be equal, but they do need to be balanced to be stable long-term.
In order for a relationship to work, there needs to be both push and pull, if that makes sense to you.

Alright, let me back up a bit and explain what I mean by all of that:
A self-respecting Dom is not going to look at a stranger's profile and think "Yeah..I'll believe(or pretend to) whatever you want me to believe".
What you're likely going to get are simps, "male feminists", or desperate men trying to get laid.

Even if you find a "true Dom" who is willing to convert or pretend, you are asking your partner to either live a lie, or pretend to do so.
It's not a healthy start to your relationship, and it's a time bomb waiting to go off(in my opinion).

If this is really that important for you, you'll need to find someone within your own church or community that your family will accept.
Alternatively, you can talk to your family and see if they will accept your partner who is atheistic or of a different religion.

And no, you're not going to "end up alone for the rest of your life". That's just being way too pessimistic.
I know women, who are 2/10 in looks and 10/10 in personality, that can easily get/keep a partner.
Some men care more about looks; Others care more about personality. Focus on those that care about personality, because looks aren't forever.

I wish you the best of luck on your search.
However, I have a feeling you won't regard this as good advice.