How do you know what your fetishes are?

How do you know what your fetishes are?

In The Lost We Find​(sub male){Looking} • Mar 21, 2021

Hi I am pretty new and please don’t judge my appearance I have a cleph lip and can’t help how I look. But anyways I am woundering how do you know what you are into or not I have taken a kink test and it showed very submissive results. But I dont really understand it all. Please help me figure it out.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 21, 2021

All depends on what tickles your pickle without touching it

In The Lost We Find​(sub male){Looking} • Mar 21, 2021

I mean I got my kinks and everything put together

MrFulmen • Mar 21, 2021

Kink tests are kind of like those Facebook quizzes that tell you which Hogwarts house you should be in--they're silly fun and they don't mean very much.

You figure out your desires around sex and kink the same way you figure out any other desires. How do you know what kind of sports or books or music you like? It's the same answer.

In The Lost We Find​(sub male){Looking} • Mar 21, 2021

Thanks for the reaponsise I guess I am just to new and untrained

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 21, 2021

Experience matters

BikerDan​(other male) • Mar 21, 2021

I am a serious gear fetishist, with lots of kinks too.
Fetishes and Kinks are very different things.
A fetish is an object or 'thing' that arouses you. For me it's all the gear - armoured bike Leathers (not BLUF), Lycra (fitness,cycling,superhero,...), Rubber, Polyester, Nylon, tracksuits, PVC, down jackets, flight suits, camouflage kit, SHINY stuff, and lots more, in full coverage with no skin showing at all. Just seeing someone wearing something that activates my fetish trigger can get me sexually aroused, then ill search eBay looking for one of them for myself.

I now cannot have sex without a fetish trigger in the mix, preferably me and my slave in full gear.
My fetishes developed over many years. it all started with a padded leather biker jacket and just grew from there.

Kinks are activities carried out during play, like spanking, bondage, dressing up (my 'full coverage' thing is a kink, not a fetish), puppy play, etc.....

To find your fetishes, you have to play and experiment and see what 'triggers' you. When you find it, you will know.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Mar 21, 2021

When I first got into the community, I heard a lot of stories about people's obsession with rope / bondage in their formative years: tying people up with jump rope, watching shows where a character always gets captured and bound and imagining themselves as that character, etc.

At first, I thought there was something wrong with me because I'd never looked at rope that way, or been that interested in bondage. And then I realized that I was looking at it wrong, and reconsidered what it was that I had enjoyed doing decades ago: tickling peers, grappling, animal / primal play. Okay ... there's a start.

I came up in my kink knowledge through both the Seattle kink scene and some knowledgable kinky friends, one of whom let me understand that a thuddy flogger is basically a massage when applied with an intensity appropriate to the recipient. I read books, watched scenes, researched online, went to discussion groups and classes, and then I noted what interested me and what didn't.

I also considered my own response to certain stimuli in sexual situations: what did I really like, and what did a I really hate? Could I find any parallels in kink?

Sometimes just reading other people's profiles and blogs made me realize that there were things I found fascinating. Then there's movies and television - kinky or not. All it can take is one scene, and *bam* ... how can I bring that into my kink life?

And then there's simple experimentation. There are things that I never thought I would do, but "never say never" is as true in kink as anything else. Granted, there are still activities that I have absolutely no interest in, but there are also ones that I've been considering - and a fair number that I've added to my collection of kinks just from experiencing them.

Finally, there's pure happenstance. At one point, while wandering through the basement of a hospital - during a visit to see a friend - a group of us were looking for the cafeteria. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the most AMAZING scent. As in, I slowed to a stop as I looked around for it. My friends stopped, too, and I found it: wooden pallets.

For decades I loved visiting stores that offered unfinished wood furniture because I loved the smell, I even love woodsmoke, but I'd never put in into such a sensual context before. Most of the kinky people I know adore the smell of either leather or hemp rope, but my "stop and sniff and purr" kink seems to be for unfinished wood items.

How do you find out? You explore your history, your fantasies, media, and your local kink scene. Pay attention just in general. Keep your boundaries, certainly, but be flexible when you can and be aware that boundaries and preferences can fluctuate over time. You may not hear of / explore absolutely everything, but I will say that pretty much anything can be a kink - depending on the person and the circumstance. Maybe not my kink, maybe not yours - but someone's.

As I was advised by a departed sex-positive elder of our community, Allena Gabosh, "Never say 'Now I've seen everything.' You haven't. None of us have, and none of us ever will."

In The Lost We Find​(sub male){Looking} • Mar 21, 2021

Thanks for that I have fantasies that appeal to me but I don’t know if it’s what I am into. I will try my best thanks for all your help I really appreciate it. Sirs and Ma’am

PERITUS ARCUS​(dom male) • Mar 25, 2021

The issue is that sonething that stimulates you mentally may, in reality, turn out to be a total loss.

Other things that you would not imagine would float your boat turn out to be tremendous.

It is sometimes easier to be definite about what is a complete and utter no. For me, Scat is somewhere I will never go. Ditto adult baby stuff.
It just will never happen.

Anything else, consider giving it a try unless it triggers revulsion to you.

I am continually amazed at what I actually like in real life.

If you try, you will identify.

If you repel... thats a big tell.

Corny but not a bad methid of approach.

The other thing I do is with a partner or potential, i do a list of known likes and known willing to try.

Bare in mind that you will never totally completely match on everything so agree to respect the doslikes of one and try the areas where overlap makes sense.

You will start to find your feet and understand yourself as well as partners.

Finally start slow and dip the toe into the water and progress to the point you fond your limits.