Getting started

Getting started

TheWatson​(dom male) • Jul 22, 2025

Hello im a brand new dom and want to reach out to anyone that wouldn't mind talking about few things out.

Mostly looking for answers to very common questions that new doms have and possibly even in depth conversations regarding the strong healthy development of myself and my sub

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jul 22, 2025

To offer full disclosure, I have been a Femdom sub for years, so my experience is from that point of view. That being said, most of our research was done through Male Dom/female sub resources because there is very little femdom stuff out there.

If we can be of any assistance, we are happy to answer any questions and offer any resources that we have used for our journey.

TheWatson​(dom male) • Jul 22, 2025

Thank you, would you or your dom have any advice regarding new dom jitters and how to stop them

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jul 22, 2025

TheWatson - Since you're a married couple, you already know the most important things - communication and mutual consent. (BTW: We have been married 40 years longer than you have).

There are many different dynamics to the D/s lifestyle. Of course we don't know what's best for you - that's always an important thing to determine.

Here is one thing we always suggest, which we learned from a D/s coach. Get two notebooks, one for each of you, and write down anything that comes to mind regarding your likes, dislikes, desires, fantasies, etc. Then pick a time with no distractions - kids, TV, phones, etc. and lovingly compare notes. This should not be a one time session, but an ongoing practice throughout your relationship. That wll help eliminate "The Jitters". REMEMBER: You may be the Dom, but you're not a dictator. If you push to do something your sub despises, your dynamic wil not work.

We didn't jump into our Femdom lifestyle. We developed it over a period of years and continue to make changes and try new things. Our Femdom lifestyle is practiced 24/7 both in private and in public. Much of it is non-sexual, but of course sex is also a part of it.

TheWatson​(dom male) • Jul 22, 2025

pioneer man​(sub male)

Thank you for that bit of advice. My sub and I are both working on completing very indepth d/s work sheets as a starting point. She has many years of thinking about this(not so much planning) as im only a few days into it. I do have an idea as to the direction I would like to develop my role but that's going to ultimately be determined by her answers to the worksheet.

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jul 23, 2025

The Watson:

Fantastic, sounds like you're off to a great start. Wishing you a lifetime of super fun and enjoyment with your lifestyle. We have been to several erotic events through the years and met many wonderful people who started exactly like you.

If you have any questions, we're here to help if we can. Helping people is what we've done for decades in our vanilla life, so of course we also do it here.

BTW: If you're interested, we learned a lot from two married couples that are Male Dom/female sub. They both have their own websites and YouTube channels.

TheWatson​(dom male) • Jul 23, 2025

Pioneer man, thank you for the offering is greatly appreciated. Yes Love and I have been together for 12 years now and this chapter is new to us. Last night after our guidance and recentering session I got Love off to sleep and I had some time to really soul search my role and our dynamic. I got into my head right out of the gate and even though the "title" is new for me, the role is not, obviously we both know that our dynamic and roles are going to develop in a direction that our marriage alone will not and after a very intense and indepth conversation between the two of us, we agreed that's exactly what we both want and need.

I am stressed that style of operation that has been requested will become harsh and abusive, however I think that is a lot of my roll of her husband that feels that bit of fear, I know as each day passes and things are tested that feeling will go away.

The only real question that I have in this moment is, am I in the wrong in any way by telling her that in order for my role to settle and start to develop correctly i need her to keep control and power and to guide me through the reconnection that we agreed is required.

As her husband is have total confidence in her and in us, but as her Dom I am seeking a small amount of outside reassurance.There have been so many trashy "doms" that have tried to attack both her and I and eventhough I have handled this situations properly small seeds of doubt were left behind.

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jul 23, 2025

Having doubts is normal for all of us. It can be very challenging tring to figure out roles.

A mentor in our vanilla life told us to always remember: "Nothing is One Size Fits All". That has kept us somewhat sane (her more than me) and made it easier to learn.

From our experience, spending time with others in various Kink lifestyles, "harsh and abusive" is mainly in porn and the movies. Some people do get their kicks from doing such things, but often (from what we've been told) those type of relationsips don't last. Personally, we have never met ayone who has made it work, but I'm sure someone has.

I'm not sure how to "need her to keep control and power" fits into a Male Dom role. Just two weeks ago, we took part in a D/s Bootcamp. If you would like, we can give you the website of the couple that put it on. Of course, they do charge for their courses.

TheWatson​(dom male) • Jul 23, 2025

Pioneer man. That info would be great. This chapter of our life has to remain closeted for the time being due to family issues outside our relationship. We have two teens that dont need to know any if this and extended family to which this is very taboo. Our main focus is our Vanilla relationship but this is just as important to both of us

pioneer man​(sub male) • Jul 23, 2025

Anonymity can be very important. We definitely understand as former public school employees.

Here is the information you requested:

domsubliving.com - We have been a member of this group for a long time. Alesandra offers many classes, workshops, etc. We have attended several of her free online events, but to be honest, have never purchased any of her courses.

First, we suggest that you check out some of her videos on YouTube listed under the same name. that will give you an idea if you want to go any futher with them.