Chat behavior and new people not reading the rules

This is not quite technical, more like meta discussion, plus it's meant to be read by admins. Hope it's okay.

Yes I'm myself fairly new to this site. Yes perhaps it would be more appropriate if a site veteran posted this.

From what I've noticed so far when it comes to overall opinion/temperature of the chat:
* The lobby is supposed to be used for chill conversations about life, kink and stuff. No seeking (there is a separate site section for this), no sexting, no asking for sexting, no random use of honorifics (generally frowned upon in BDSM community?), no domming/subbing people (especially when done without consent).
* DM-ing without asking beforehand is generally disliked.
* Jumping into people DMs only to dom/sub to them without their consent is a big no.

Do these points align with your views of what the chat is/how it's supposed to be used? If yes, perhaps you would be willing to make some changes/clarifications to chat rules? The current chat rules are good, it's just that they're bit more general. From what I saw so far with new waves of people the chat users have to explain these specific points again and again.

Then there is overall "reading the rules" part. I feel like most people just skip them by clicking "Okay" automatically. Cause I admit I did it myself when I joined.

Maybe the first few times when a person is joining the chat:
* Show a big red message "Please make sure to read the rules above" near "Okay" button, block the button itself for a few seconds (with a visible countdown)?
* Or make people check boxes near each rule?

But I understand this might be annoying and drive people away from the site. So then how about this as an alternative?
AFTER joining the chat make so the server shows only to them at the very top a chat-like message with short-hand rules. Something along the lines of:
"Hello [name], the lobby is for chill respectful conversations as equals, no [seeking](link to the site seeking section)/sexting. Ask permission before DM-ing or engaging into online play. Refer to full chat rules here: [link]"

I have never used the chat room nor do I intend to. Not my bag of chips. However, your remarks are on point.

After all, if it makes perfect sense to me, one who won't use that feature, then it sure as Hell should make sense for those who do. There are guidelines for just about everything on this or any similar website.

Annoying or not, making shit like this very clear goes with the territory.

In all the years I have been here, and used the chat room, the offenders are almost 100% male, mostly on the sub side of the slash, though sometimes so called doms do it too. Its the same issue, demographic causing issues in peoples in-boxes as well. These people don't read, and don't care, they are driven by thirst, desperation or arrogance, privilege. So I am not sure what good highlighting rules, trying to educate will make. Its also not just new people.

I have seen people continue to behave badly even after being called out about it in the chat room, fantasy and role pushing are also issues. I suppose taking a screen shot and reporting to admin could be done.

Much like Miki above, I have never used the Chat nor do I intend to in the near or far future, so my comments should be taken as such.

In the immortal words of Captain Barbossa (of Pirates of Caribbean) "the code is more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules".

Are there actual rules to how people can interact in the lobby of the chat rooms? In support of this post, I did a quick glance at the Chat and the introduction page gave a quick (less than one page) list of "guidelines). Reading the rules, some of them were more phrased like "Should" and a few of your concerns aren't covered by the rules. It's a very short list so hitting "I agree" at the end is tantamount to clicking a box next to each of the individual points.

I would include using honorifics is simply the way people interact at times, so I don't believe it's egregious nor is it that big. But they do recommend taking "fantasy" and such into a separate chat room.

I personally agree with your feelings that others should be respectful of the Lobby. Sort of like a discussion in Forums not too long ago on being an Exhibitionist and showing it all in public - just because someone wants to world to see them doesn't mean the world wants to see them, so there is that little aspect of consent. In the lobby, users should consider whether others "care" to be part of their discussion.

This has been an unfortunate reality of the chat for a long time. It’s one of the reasons I don’t participate in or frequent the chat room. The atmosphere simply isn’t something I want to be associated with.

Good communication requires a certain level of etiquette, maturity, and personal responsibility. Unfortunately, not everyone brings those qualities with them online.

One idea that has come up in conversations with friends is creating smaller, invite-only chat groups. A private space with people who share similar expectations for respectful conversation may ultimately be a better solution than trying to regulate a public room that attracts everyone.

Thank you for bringing this topic forward. I suspect many of us quietly feel the same way. The moderators can certainly enforce rules, but they can’t realistically babysit adults who choose to ignore common courtesy. At some point, respectful behaviour has to come from the members themselves.

If our private group ever comes together, I’ll certainly keep you in mind, Deep Space Potato.

Cage chat room does allow for invite only room creation, which are invisible to anyone not invited. Also possible to create a visible room. I used to do it years ago, but don't these days, too many using them for predatory reasons.

They have sex addiction, they should seek psychological help! Not be on here. White coats need to come and get them! It’s fine to use the chat room, but just like any other message, you can ignore or block it. If they ask in public chat, say this: “This is not the place get help. Or block ! But remember, not everyone has an addiction they new just give a warning tell them look in to things , but desperate won’t help you find a person or anything else! You want the right attraction, right? Growth is huge Turn On ! It’s a green flag! Read the blogs and learn more about the lifestyle. Read someone’s profile pictures before you message them! If you wouldn’t want done to you then treat others good.

Thats great, No predators will be on the guest list. A private group of common friends and people that are civilized - enough to take out in public 🤣

Geez! From what I'm reading here, the chat room sounds like a dive bar without at least some cheap, watery whiskey in dingy glasses to wet one's whistle...

I have had plenty of good conversations with people in here via DM or Bond, at a pace that works for me because I'm not one to stay logged in for long.

Also, once the topics dry up, one or both of us drift on to the next best thing. No hard feelings and no boners about it. Those were originally the main reasons why I'd never darken the digital doorstep of any chat rooms but now, add the sleaze factor and... Glad I never tried it.

But there are other things to enjoy on this site such as the aforementioned individual conversations, the few-and-far-between blogs I look at and, of course, these forum boards.

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... Don't mind me. The above contains my idle personal thoughts because, for the moment, I guess I have too much time on my hands.

Miki, i have always enjoyed your blogs and opinion. Yes that’s exactly what the chat room is “the ol east end bar” where you watch your shoulder and pray thats watered down whiskey in the glass 🤭