D/s and mental health issues

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 3, 2019

@curious


I completely agree.

Honestly, I dont find that mental illness makes anyone more or less dangerous I. BDSM.

I think refusals to seek help, justifying consistent poor behavior in the name of BDSM , and skewed self assessments are way more dangerous.

shahh • Mar 3, 2019

Thanks all for the well thought out replies.

Perhaps i need to clarify what I was curious about.

Of course anyone suffering from any mental health issue has just as much right to seek happiness and fulfill desires as much as anyone else. That is what i may have unintentionally miscommunicated. I never ever intended that those with mental health issues cannot be in a healthy D/s relationship.

My question was meant to be specifically directed to situations of a new D/s relationship being developed or sought out while the person is fully aware of being mentally unwell and unstable. I have always and will always defend the choices made by consenting adults. I completely agree that disclosure is a necessity. But isnt it like knowing that your vehicle has faulty seatbelts, no airbags and bald tires and asking someone to join you on a joyride down the side of a mountian anyways? I mean...super fun and amazing while it lasts! But the risk of damage is huge. Personally, i wouldnt want to put myself at that much risk... Let alone someone I cared for deeply or loved!

shahh • Mar 3, 2019

Perhaps this is part of what i was getting at too.

TakenLower • Mar 3, 2019

I have bi polar 1. This means I can and have literally lost my mind. If I were to undertake a new relationship it’d be done with caution and care. It’s up to me and me alone to manage my illness and be continuously self aware. If someone saw that as a potential joy ride to disaster then that person obviously doesn’t have the respect for me that I’d require anyway. That being said, accidents do happen. It’s like with any other potential risk in BDSM.

Asteria​(neither female) • Mar 3, 2019

I have a friend who was diagnosed bi-polar when she was a teenager. She's now in her late 30s, happily married and with two amazing kids. If she would follow your logic, then she should never engage in a relationship, let alone motherhood, knowing that she is mentally ill.

Why there has to be equals sign between mental illness and irresponsibility? A human being is not a car as far as I'm concerned. Mental illness is not something that will last for a month or two and then will disappear. Some people struggle with it for the whole life. Why do we have to deny their right to engage in relationships, for example? Why do we have to label these people this way?
Like I said before, D/s does not have to be extreme. It does not need to have anything to do with edge play etc. As far as people involved are aware of their illnesses and medical conditions, and are willing to adjust their relationship and activities to them, everything should be OK. I would also assume that in case of any doubts they can always ask for guidance from medical professional.

Honestly, I would feel much safer with a person who is mentally ill and aware of that, than with abusive narcissist.

Lotus​(sub female) • Mar 3, 2019

I work with kids and families who have emotional disturbances (among other disabilities) and I cannot help but to take this forum post to heart. I feel like the bulk of what initially was said, even after the edits, can be perceived as quite offensive and even discriminatory (although I understand this is not what was intended).

Being in a relationship with a person with a mental illness does not mean the final destination is failure or destruction. I think the analogy you used is off. There may be bumps, twists and turns in the road but it is actually offensive to say that entering in a relationship with a person with a mental illness is going to mean failure.

shahh • Mar 3, 2019

Alright....something needs to be cleared up here.

There is a MASSIVE difference between having a mental illness and having mental health issues and being unstable.

I am not equating mental illness with mental health. I never said anything about those who have mental illness nor directed any comment towards people woth mental illness not being able to have healthy, happy relationships. They are 2 very different things so please stop equating the 2 and thinking that it is offensive to ask the question. One can have zero mental illness present and be unstable. One can also be living with a mental illness and be stable af. They are not the same thing.

Lotus​(sub female) • Mar 3, 2019

‘Mental illness’ would fall under the umbrella of “mental health issues”. But alright. This will be the last I post on this thread.

shahh • Mar 3, 2019

Which has now been clarified and specified. I apologize for the confusion.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 4, 2019

Hey everyone,

This is a difficult topic.

I think it serves us all to see how people look at mental illness.

How people separate it, quantify it, and work to find words around it.


The OP raised good questions , but was , I feel, a little vague.

Separating concepts, taking offense, it's all a really great learning point here.

I also think that people who work with the mentally ill are going to be more cautious about how things are worded.


I think the overall points in the post boil down to personal accountability and disclosure.

Both are good things, diagnosis or not.

It is easy to think that a mental illness will be exacerbated with BDSM.

Just as easy to say only those abused as children get into BDSM.

It is in essence another myth.

My love and I have been together for 17 years. We both have depression and anxiety. Our third is with an undiagnosed personality disorder and prescription addict.


At the end of the day--- we all have something. And yet we manage to make our relationships not only work but flourish.


@Asteria

I disagree/agree with the concept of edge and BDSM. Some players need it edge, need it hard, and their mental illness shouldn't stop them from fulfilling those needs.
It doesnt for us 3.


This is a hot button, but I'm so glad to see it discussed.

Thank you all for engaging here.