BDSM DYNAMICS - Communication and Consent

i apologize for any misunderstanding. i fully agree abuse in the community is an important topic as it is prevalent. i am sure your contributions will definitely help someone if they come across them, so i am glad you participated

better apology, as i realize that i took issue with the way you started your message, i became slightly irritated and defensive and it changed or at least exaggerated how i read the tone in the rest of your responses even though that was the only piece that was directed at me. i could have also expressed this in one response had i had the right perspective rather than projecting my own irritation on you words in the additional posts. we should never assume tone in txt and should always walk away to regroup before responding when unsure. i am also responsible for controlling my own hanger; i should’ve stopped for the noodles. hehe

communication via txt can definitely have challenges. i like you too and do actually apologize for my part in this misunderstanding and do appreciate your contributions now and always.

i definitely don’t feel one size fits all, so i do hope we can get several voices here to give suggestions whether broad or detailed, as some will speak more to each individual than others.

I believe that the internet is both a blessing and a curse.
It brings people together.
It trains people to expect " instant "
What seems sexy and thrilling on a computer screen, will take on a very different atmosphere in reality.

People become a bit eager, throwing caution to the winds.
And they will find themself in a serious situation where they are in potential peril.

Throughout the years, I heard so many heartbreaking stories about submissives who found themselves with a Dominant who had a much wider sadistic streak, than was expected.

To make an analogy:
Would you hand over your handbag to a complete stranger on 57th Street, because that person was nicely dressed in a suit and spoke in a Dominant tone, and further told you that you should trust them to return the bag in a few hours.

Every person asked that question would say NO!

Yet a submissive rushing into a scene or relationship will be handing over, without thought, something far more precious.

I think it's a case of running when one should learn how to walk first.

The media is to be blamed for portraying bdsm as a " fun game."

BDSM is not a game to be taken lightly.

I live in Manhattan. It's my right to wear whatever jewelry I want when I am out, without fear.
But, as a new yorker, I am more than aware of the fact that not everyone is honorable...and why place yourself in harm's way? So you make wise decisions for your own safety.

I think before entering into such a relationship you really need to hash out these things ahead of time but be flexible with the negotiations so you change as your needs change this is where trust really comes into play you need to know and feel that your dom has your safety in mind that is why you need to communicate during a scene as well as before play or punishment is meted out if something does not feel right you need to tell them and if they seem to ignore or deflect your concerns get out of there

thank you to those who have contributed! i think one common theme being brought up here is for both(all) parties including those on the right side of the slash (like subs) to know they should be actively involved in framing their dynamic and if they aren’t “allowed“ to be or there is no framing, it may be best not to proceed.

this is a great analogy! a simple “i agree” covers my thoughts on your whole response