Inexperienced sub looking for advice

meet up

SwimPolo • Oct 29, 2020

East Coast USA ....you need training?

AndySmiles​(sub trans man) • Jun 10, 2021

I’m also new to BDSM and everything, but, my understanding so far of a sub/dom is this:

As a sub, you’re the dog. And I don’t mean furry/dog play. I mean you’re his dog - you’re loyal, encouraging, supportive, affectionate, obedient, protective, entertaining, his friend, his family, his lover (not going into beastiality people lol get your kinky minds outta pet smart!). Essentially you’re everything a real life dog is with some extras.
And make no mistake, even a real dog will bite the hand that feeds it if a line gets crossed. So the same applies to subs IMO - a dom crosses a line, you tell him. Don’t bite anything though lol well, some things but not everything!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 10, 2021

AndySmiles, no you are not a dog, not ever, even if you are into pet, puppy play. Anyone, in my view, taking part in bdsm is first and foremost a wonderful, precious, beautiful human being, deserving of care, respect and being treated with such. Despite the implied suggestion of inequality, the sub always has the final word, control to stop the play, and dynamic.

AndySmiles​(sub trans man) • Jun 10, 2021

dollMaker lol cat person. Always burning your whiskers after sticking your nose in the lit candle 😉

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 10, 2021

Cool felines are lots of fun, I used dog because you had, but the thoughts apply regardless of the type of bdsm person involved.

Truppensturm​(sub male) • Jun 10, 2021

I wish I knew what the differences are between gay men in BDSM vs straight couples in BDSM. I'm pretty sure it's different dynamic as someone in this topic has alluded to. Once I figure it out or if someone else can elaborate, then I willl post it here.

As a novice gay man entering the BDSM scene you are mostly finding experiences online from the perspective of straight couples (maybe I am looking in the wrong places?) and while those are in itself valuable lessons and experiences that have taught me a lot, I still think it would benefit me to learn from other (gay) men as well. Once I am able to, I will join a leather club in my town and try to figure it out myself firsthand!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jun 10, 2021

Energy exchange is mostly genderless I have found, I know some will disagree, it comes down I feel to the individual peoples needs, wants, desires, what turns them on, excites them etc. It is, I have found, all about the connection. There are differences in culture, but more similarities I think than differences re the doing.

If leather turns you on, excites you, if the whole Tom of Finland thing is your jam, then leather is an option, if not, there are other options, though finding them is the thing. In saying that, if you will only feel comfortable among other males, then fair enough.

I can't speak to the exclusively gay scene, or leather, but the bdsm scene where I am at, I would not categorise as being the 'straight scene', I am sure there are some places that are very aggressively straight, but in my experience, at least where I am there is no exclusively straight groups.

AndySmiles​(sub trans man) • Jun 10, 2021

Lol honestly I can’t see how anyone would take offense to what I said.
“I mean you’re his dog - you’re loyal, encouraging, supportive, affectionate, obedient, protective, entertaining, his friend, his family, his lover (not going into beastiality people lol get your kinky minds outta pet smart!). Essentially you’re everything a real life dog is with some extras.”
Who would take offense at being described as another’s loyal, encouraging, supportive, affectionate, etc etc partner? Lol seems strange and limiting to me, but, if those aren’t qualities you aspire to have and to be in a relationship of any kind, that’s you I suppose. Lol but remember, dog is just god spelled backwards 😉.

bearpig​(dom male){Collared} • Feb 4, 2022

As a sub/slave I agree you give up your rights because you belong to that Sir that Master you became honor bound to him.
You will learn how to speak the proper way to your Sir/Master you will be instructed in protocol.
Serving your Sir/Master is more than cooking cleaning and other household chores its doing what ever he tells you. Thats how you serve him thats how you please him. He will not do anything to damage you or leave marks on you he is not about to damage his property. You have a voice in some thing you can ask questions but they must be put in the proper protocol.
As a sub/slave one of the biggest things you will learn is Trust you must trust your Sir/Master as he you, Honor, you will learn not just taking honor in serving him but you will learn to honor your word, Respect, you will learn respect, loyalty. This will be your core the basis of you being a sub. You will learn to take pride to take pride in everything you do to take honor in what you do.
When serving your Master/Sir your pleasing him in a way giving him pleasure and it will Honor him. In return serving him will give you pleasure will please you.