| dirmn(dom male) |
3 years ago •
Mar 24, 2021
This is a good question, and I've been really interested in the responses. Thanks for bringing it up.
My take on the question is that it's all a relationship, and that complete anonymity (or whatever we want to call it for the sake of the discussion) is unrealistic in the context of relational growth. Relationships are risks taken and rewarded, and to expect the reward without the risk is at best unsustainable. Certainly, there can be exceptions, and perhaps you'll find the perfect, mutually fulfilling situation aligning with your standards...but the odds seem to be against it as described. As someone in a similar boat, I do sort of wish the odds were better - but at the same time, allowing someone to feel the reward of my trust is fulfilling for me. I think an important point not to miss is that we can only be responsible for our own healthy conduct. While we may feel a responsibility to protect the vulnerable (or who we assume to be vulnerable) - and I know how powerful that instinct can be! - we aren't ultimately responsible for them doing the best thing for their health. It's hugely important to be open and honest and to be extremely straightforward, especially initially, but we - on any side of the spectrum - aren't responsible for anyone else's health or actions. If we can, should we make it easier for them? Sure. Should we be honest about our fears regarding them or their behavior or health? If it's appropriate, yeah. But we can only do so much, and it's mentally crossing that line of responsibility that often leads to the burnout and self-doubt you see so much on here. |
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Online now
IndependentAir(dom male){Taken}
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3 years ago •
Mar 24, 2021
dirmn wrote: This is a good question, and I've been really interested in the responses. Thanks for bringing it up.
My take on the question is that it's all a relationship, and that complete anonymity (or whatever we want to call it for the sake of the discussion) is unrealistic in the context of relational growth. Relationships are risks taken and rewarded, and to expect the reward without the risk is at best unsustainable. Certainly, there can be exceptions, and perhaps you'll find the perfect, mutually fulfilling situation aligning with your standards...but the odds seem to be against it as described. As someone in a similar boat, I do sort of wish the odds were better - but at the same time, allowing someone to feel the reward of my trust is fulfilling for me. I think an important point not to miss is that we can only be responsible for our own healthy conduct. While we may feel a responsibility to protect the vulnerable (or who we assume to be vulnerable) - and I know how powerful that instinct can be! - we aren't ultimately responsible for them doing the best thing for their health. It's hugely important to be open and honest and to be extremely straightforward, especially initially, but we - on any side of the spectrum - aren't responsible for anyone else's health or actions. If we can, should we make it easier for them? Sure. Should we be honest about our fears regarding them or their behavior or health? If it's appropriate, yeah. But we can only do so much, and it's mentally crossing that line of responsibility that often leads to the burnout and self-doubt you see so much on here. Thank you. While it is a kindness to guide calmness into a frenzied submissive, it should not become an obligation that drives us into suffering. As someone who takes joy in caring for others, it is an important lesson to keep in mind, lest I myself become in need of rescue. I appreciate your assessment. Perhaps it is that I am overestimating the risk, and will find fulfillment once I find a safe way to offer more of myself. It seems passive and ill-advised, at least, to continue a search for an exception. |
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| MastersKitten(sub female){None} |
3 years ago •
Mar 25, 2021
The reality is that some people have more to lose than others, and there's nothing wrong with protecting yourself. I'm one of those people too. I need to be anonymous until I'm absolutely certain I won't be outed by a jealous or careless dom. I'm not willing to share personal information or pics with anyone who asks. No way. And I make no apologies. I want to have fun, have my needs met and fulfill the needs of my master but not at the expense of blowing up my whole life. Surely there's a match for me somewhere.
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Virginie(sub female){lcpw}
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3 years ago •
Mar 26, 2021
I can absolutely confirm you are not alone in this- not even on this site. of course i cannot name drop because, well-privacy.
A person I was seeing had what I would consider borderline neurotic concerns about his own privacy, and while he left what i revealed up to me (ha!) he wanted and needed to see me. A few months in with more information revealed to me but still much less than I'd know about most people by that point- I decided i didn't want to be like him and wouldn't be so piecemeal about revelations because well- I'm not that way. At some point not long after, and PUBLICLY he apparently had complaints. Complaints that I wouldn't jump on Skype etc... I just never felt comfortable letting all of the drapes drop when he finally said 'go.' This issue has never or since come up for me but my point is- his initial and lengthy 'man behind the curtain' act definitely had an irrevocable impact. Even as he complained I realized he never told me his last name or the city he lived in. I like to call this "so you want to see inside of my vagina, but you will not share the name of the city in which you reside.' Hardly my magnum opus. While this type of as i said, borderline neuroses about privacy is understandable to a point, and certainly not the worst thing I've experienced in the negative column with Doms- it definitely left me with a new checklist of the sort of personality I wouldn't engage with again. You spoke of having a personal and professional life away from kink. That means what? That your submissive- with whom you share ( I mean..ideally?) far more than anyone in the two former categories is someone you would't trust or endevor to integrate into the other parts of your life no matter how serious you get or how long you're together? Again, that sort of thing chips away at a person's self-worth. You reap what you sow. You might consider 'trusting' a therapist first before getting into any dynamics, until you've worked these things out to a place where you are comfortable( though i think you will have to push past your current comfort zone) and your sub isn't left feeling like some alien with three holes. |
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Master Raf(dom male)
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3 years ago •
Aug 27, 2021
I trust until given a reason not to. I am seeking an online female sub, so trust is key.
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