If your logical and intelligent as a sub is that a bad thing

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Jan 18, 2022

It is never bad to be logical and intelligent. The only people who belittle logic and intelligence are either hiding something or are outpaced and self concious about it. While there is nothing wrong with not being the sharpest crayon in the chandelier, there is something wrong with expecting everyone else to drop to your level.

It is possible to miss the point of some of the ritualistic practices in kink, but if the person with whom you are engaging cannot explain those practices or how you are missing them, you are probably flirting with disaster. Ask your questions, give them a chance to explain, then use that perception to make a judgement call. That's what it is there for.

Bunnie • Jan 18, 2022

Something I have come to learn over the last few years is that what I assumed was a mismatch in logic and intelligence was actually an inability to communicate effectively. And getting caught in believing it’s an intelligence or logic thing, can keep us stuck in a place of misunderstanding. If there is misunderstanding, there is a break down in communication somewhere. And that’s not a blame game… it takes two to tango… meaning it takes two people to understand, and to be understood.

Is it ok for someone to be logical and intelligent? Of course. We value those characteristics in society (more than I personally believe we need to). I think perhaps you’ll find though, that there are other areas that require focus and strengthening in your interactions, especially if this seems to keep happening.

I'mME • Jan 19, 2022

@TwoTmRingsOneChain,
.
Stop right where you are. There is not one thing wrong with being intelligent or logical. Together, they make for someone I would most likely like, could joke with, and somewhere, someone a terrific sub.

You can have thoughts, opinions, and anything else you desire.
I do not find that your examples in your OP were judgmental at all, in no way shape or form.
The first guy is a liar. If he lies about experience, what else would he lie about.
Then talks to you as if you are some dog, just because you caught them in a lie.
Enough said about that.
I am not sure I completely understand about your second example. I will repeat what I think you said and meant, please correct me if I am wrong on details.

He talked about a sadist scene, and you replied that it was over the top.
Is that correct?

No Body​(dom male) • Jan 19, 2022

We all are looking for the most part. Some have found them or at least think so (only time will tell). I love it when I can talk to someone and not have to explain everything. I don't mind talking about something they or I do not understand but when you get to the basics, and they have still had no idea what is going on for instance "why is it they all just make left turns? Because that is the side the steering wheel is on. If the made right turns the wheel would have to be on the right side and in the US, the law says we drive on the left side of the road. ????But we drive on the right side??? No, we drive on the left side of the other drivers. !!!!OH OK!!!!" Honest this was the whole conversation, and I now cannot watch a race without thinking of her. I just thank God she was a friend and not a lover.

TwoRingsOneChain • Jan 19, 2022

I'm not a professor in psychology but it is common practice that a subject that is most on your mind will be the subject that is first talked about. as an example if my nephew was in the hospital that would be most prominent on my mind and I would bring that subject up in conversation more than likely first and then again a few times later on in the same conversation.

The same thing is true with most people what is most prevalent in the mind will be the first thing they talk about and it will be repeated a few times later.

FundamentallyDom​(dom male) • Jan 19, 2022

Just adding to everything else that's been said here. I think being thoughtful, and logical are great charecteristics. It's always great to be learning, considering and re-evaluating your world view. I would caution though that there is a trap to being a highly intelligent thinker and that is that it often convinces people that they are right and others are wrong. To me that's a very dsngerous approach to take. It opens us to confirmation bias. The world is full of people who are very convinced that they are right and it does a lot of damage. I don't have enough information to make a call from the posts but I wanted to flag the concern.

I will also say, if as a pair you can't hold a conversation without it breaking down then that glove definitely doesn't fit. There's a lot of focus on sexual compatibility and I do think that's critical but it's not enough alone. There's a great test I look for in any potential gloves. Imagine you were driving them back from staying with you, or vice versa if you prefer. Would you hope for red lights, heavy traffic and delays, just so you would have longer with them? If yes then you're on the right track.

That's all very long, if you want the short version, don't worry about if who you are is right, wrong, odd or something else. You can't change it very much. Instead look for someone who appreciates who you are and who you appreciate. Be open and listen, but don't try to force your hand into every glove. Some aren't made for you and that's not their fault nor does it make them bad. When you do find a glove that might fit, give it a little time to adapt to the shape of your hand, and be open to filing the edge off your broken nail so you don't spike a hole in your glove.

Good luck looking, I'll stop playing with metaphors.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jan 19, 2022

This is a direct and right to-the-point piece of advice and beautifully written. It's fine, and even good, to be discerning but there's a point that impatience and rigidity is counter-productive. Implying that someone you're engaging with is less intelligent than you is never a good approach no matter *which* side of she slash is doing it and sometimes BOTH sides seem to be having a battle of wits with each other. At that point, hang it up because there's nowhere left to go.
Both sides of the slash need to give and take and neither side should expect to have their own fantasies and wants indulged without at least lending a non-judgmental ear to hearing the same from the other. Some of us seem to sabotage ourselves with tendencies to be rushed in our explorations when it often behooves us to slow down and enjoy the drive on the way to our destinations.

FundamentallyDom​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2022

Thank you Wytchy, very kind of you to say

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jan 20, 2022

I probably tend to go overboard when it comes to communication, especially when it’s written. I want to go deep when there is a connection.

One thing that can be a challenge is tone, we just don’t have the visual and tonal cues with writing, so it’s easy to assume the other is ‘hearing’ as we are.
One of the things I think can happen with feedback is it can come off as instructional or correction.

Re: If your logical and intelligent as a sub is that a bad t

AidenS • Jan 20, 2022

Have you considered having an assessment for Aspergers syndrome? Intelligent people who get hung up on details and the accuracy or literality of statements can be an indication of Aspergers..especially if you find you often alienate people unintentionally simply by reflecting the truth back at them or answering a question honestly and directly

I know

I am one
And answering your post in this way is probably a symptom of it!