Peeling onions, aka scrutinising ogres

Solace​(dom male) • Oct 15, 2023

There's some generalizations we can make to help put this into perspective. One, men in general are known to discuss their emotions and problems less. Two, the majority of proclaimed "Dominants" is male biased.

To what degree these are true, we can't really say at this point. But we can nod our head and see it correlates to less discussion from the Dom side of things. In general I feel like I see more ladies then men participating blogs and forums, though there are some notable exceptions.

We can make another distinction. Men who complain are frowned upon. If I recall correctly Topeka has commented this at least once. I agree with him, not because I view that individual as less but because experience concurs. Complaining, has a negative effect on how others have viewed me as a man and as a leader. I learn more and more every day not to.

If you don't believe me...check. Look through the forums or pay attention here forward for instances of proclaimed Dominants complaining, particularly male. See if the "feel" of the forum is generally for or against them, what sort of responses their behavior gets. As a submissive, check your own feelings and see if from that post alone you feel that they are a Dominant.

To anyone who wishes to express, " I don't see it that way", politely you are one of too few exceptions. Even then there is strong doubt about your sincerity, intentional or not. Experience again teaches otherwise, For solutions I don't go to the person who is fed up and venting, I go to the individual who is calm, cool, collected and perhaps has or is working on the answer.

Its just the way the world works. If I can't change it, I grow with it.

So yes, we make mistakes. Big ones. We get hurt. And we don't always talk about them, because unless someone wants our opinion there isn't anything to say. No point.

To your point about men masquerading as Doms... There's a lot of ladies masquerading as subs. Not because they aren't absolutely lovable darlings or they aren't actually good subs... but because they use Doms as mechanics for their believed physical and emotional problems as opposed to people who they can really connect with and enjoy spending time with. I say this not to disgrace ladies who want help but to offer perspective from the other side of the table.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 15, 2023

Well, this won't help much but people run into mismatches anywhere. If you run into one of those, move on.