Should I stop and leave the community?

Bunnie • Dec 12, 2023

So often we carry a belief that we need to be “at our ideal/optimum” before we can begin working towards/deserve the life we want. ‘Love ourselves before we can love another,’ ‘have everything in place before we have children,’ ‘be mentally and emotionally “fixed” before we can be happy.’

I used to buy into these beliefs. And I spent a very long time beating myself up because of them.

Ever hear of the phrase, ‘life is what happens while we’re making plans’?

It’s ok to both work on yourself and seek what you hope for… and to struggle and to make mistakes and even to fail. There is no amount of perfection that protects us from the messiness of being human. And that’s perfectly ok. The biggest thing grief taught me was that it’s possible for life to be a myriad of many different things at once, rather than as singular and linear as I had believed it had to be.
I believe we can love others before we may learn to love ourselves. I believe we can have children before we’ve got it all figured out. And I believe we can begin the way of life we want and still fight our demons as we go. To me that is simply being human, and we will always learn and grow along the way
There is no “destination.” Just go at your own pace, in a way that feels right for you.

Bunnie • Dec 12, 2023

“I feel bad every time I just can't give what other people can without issue”

Also… comparison is one of the biggest killers of self-esteem. Learning to let go of the desire to torture ourselves with the “comparison game” brings us back to that place of remembering that we are all unique in the story we carry, and in the magic that we bring to others. Nurturing those things in ourselves, allows us to dance to our own rhythm again

Miki​(masochist female) • Dec 12, 2023

@Bunnie:

Totally.

I read some time ago that the best thing to do when one finds oneself in a "crowd" is not to compare oneself to them (or the reverse) Identify with that which one sees as commonalities.

The O P might feel overwhelmed in a social setting, be it IRL or on a website where interaction is what it's about and I get why, but just identify with what is harmonious with oneself and if not, do not be discouraged and don't take it personally.