Do Dom/mes get to have Praise fetish?

Heero​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2024

Hi Drinfear, and welcome.

Hahaha, yes, LL is a legend in these parts.

I echo LL, and would also like to add another thing to consider. Which you may very well have your own answer for this, and I would be very interested to hear it.

You mentioned her experience is what gives you pleasure. How do you KNOW you are giving her the best experience if she never gives you any positive feedback or gratitude in return? What is your metric for knowing that what you're doing is having the intended effect.

Like all the Doms here, I would assume you don't just do things to do things, but are interested in knowing that you're competent and the effects you cause are the ones you're intending. So how do you measure it.

To me, positive feedback and gratitude is a very simple metric to guage "oh, my feelings or intend got through to this person, they appreciate it and welcome it".

How do you measure if the nature you act out is having the influence you want to have in the world (in regards to your sub at least)?

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2024

This is brilliant. A measure of success and proper course. A metric that can also indicate whether your submissive is grasping the value and understands the direction and strength of the dynamic that is being presented.

Great discussion all (including SnowMinx - thank you!). Great topic, Topeka.

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Jan 20, 2024

VERY good question, and for an answer, I cheat.. I was born a natural Empath.. I read emotions like a Telepath reads minds.. One of My former subs is out here, hopefully she will weigh in, but I am not pushing her to do so.. I know My girls so well that by the time they realize they want Me to DO something to them (spanking, CNC, whatever) I'm already DOING it.. I KNOW when My girls are getting what they want and/or need.. I have had 5 Poly Households in the past 30 years living the Lifestyle, am in the process of trying to bring My 6th, and last one together.. My first I was fortunate enough to be given a 5 girl Household.. (The Mistress actually submitted to Me, then proceeded to teach and guide Me for the next 7 years.. I've always been The Lucky Bastage..)

Heero​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2024

I see.

We're not all empaths. I'd like to think I can tell most times what my sub wants/needs.

But, I am a cautious man also, especially when it comes to things I care about (and especially since I've never lived 24/7 with a sub of mine, their verbal input is important). And being trained in the sciences, you're also taught not to put too much weight in your own perceptions. I am glad this has worked out for you. Maybe the combination of being a natural empath and a lucky bastard is the sweet spot. For me, I use a combination of things to measure my effectiveness, and they can't all reside in me. Being a math teacher has also taught me this. Quite a few times I have had students who SWEAR they understand the material and KNOW they know how to solve a problem correctly, but I can grade them and be assured that they don't.

Now, one can ask their sub if they enjoyed something or have what they want/need, but there are many subs who, at one point or another, would not want to disappoint their Dom, and fudge their answers now and then. Even if non-verbal, they may "act out" a kind of satisfaction. But if I do something new with a sub, and she, without any questions or input from me, decides to speak up and say, "Thank you, I've never done that before and was a bit nervous at first, but I enjoyed that a lot. Next time it would be cool if we could also do this!" There is so much value in an unsolicited statement like that.

You also bring up a valuable point, about your sub possibly weighing in (and like you, I do not want to force this in anyway). But yes, you are really just one side of the equation. You've been with more than a handful of subs. Were they all natural empaths? Why is it that none of them at some point felt the need to acknowledge something from their side--whether they felt you needed to hear it or not? I mean, it's a nice thing to say sometimes, right? Maybe not. Did they just know you never needed acknowledging for anything? But it would be interesting to hear from the other side.

There are so many things in society that we've developed solely for the purpose of acknowledging people who were just doing their job anyway. Mother's day, Father's day, Veterans' Day...heck, we have birthdays, which literally acknowledges nothing but you being able to survive for another year. Such celebrations are inextricably linked to human nature and society. I don't think there is any culture on the planet that literally goes around not acknowledging anyone for doing their job at all. And yes--to develop a specific example--a father who needs praise to take care of his kids is not a father. But I doubt a good father would not be moved if his child thanked him for something. Yes, he is doing his job. And I'm not saying all dads individually need their own parade and everyone needs to pat them on the back every day or something like that. But there are many dads who did NOT step up to their responsibility. I don't think it's a bad thing to say to someone, "hey, good job doing what you were supposed to do anyway, because it wasn't easy. And really, you could have fecked off and not done it quite easily." They don't need a prize, or a trophy, but a little acknowledgment does a lot to keep one strong and to keep doing what they would do anyway, and doing so knowing that what they do is reaching the ones they want to reach and impacting them how they want to impact them.

OK, I've probably said enough at this point. And I'm dangerously close to @Miki coming to complain about my wall of text, so I'll stop here 🤣

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Jan 20, 2024

Heero? Boss? If you want to talk at length, feel free to message Me, I won't rant or rave about the walls of text you throw out.. As long as I get the same consideration in return.. *laugh* I was unaware until reading this last post that there WAS a length consideration for replies.. But regardless, I DO agree, and Personally go out of My way to tell people how much I appreciate what they do.. Especially Military, or Vets.. I honestly do not know how I would react if My girl thanked Me for doing what I do.. I've honestly never even considered it before tonight.. I keep in touch with MOST of the girls I have had in My life since 1998. ALL of whom were met online in one way or another.. I DO tend to attract the prettier girls, only because having had TWO centerfold models in My bed, not much intimidates Me as far as beauty goes so I have no issues walking up to and taking Home the hottest girl in the club.. Even as old as I am, and broken as well..

Heero​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2024

Haha, I love how succinctly you reiterate my point. Maybe I should have you review and edit my responses 😜 I often type as I would speak. It gets very long-winded.

Heero​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2024

Haha, of course you have the same consideration. I won't complain about how long your responses are.

It is not my place to tell another Dom how to run His house, but as the OP has left, you are the main person "arguing" the other side. So I am focusing my responses on what you said, but they're not "against" you, of course. Healthy discussion. I thank you for not taking things the wrong way and are keeping up a civil debate. And I'm glad how you do things work for you. At the end of the day, you can't argue with success, right?

I do wonder how you felt that one time your sub said thank you when you protected her from that customer. But it probably wasn't a natural response, as you were probably fueled by rage and adrenaline. No need to answer though, and I don't think any private messages are necessary on this particular topic. I've said all I want to say at this point. But you are free to message me about this, or anything, if you'd like.

Heero​(dom male) • Jan 20, 2024

Oh, and to clarify! There isn't a length consideration for replies. I was being dramatic and poking fun at what a user said about me once. I've sort of been using it as a running gag.

The user is @Miki, and she's well-beloved by most everyone here, including me. Her responses sometimes are great and gives me a good belly laugh. Anyway, she made fun of me once for being the guy in the nice suit who types a wall of text. I found it hilarious.

Drinfear​(dom male){Owns PFP} • Jan 20, 2024

I can understand, and ALSO do tend to be long winded.. Ruh roh.. But then I don't have a nice suit, so I MIGHT be safe.. I'm just a crippled old Monster.. *laugh*

SageFlame​(sub female) • Jan 20, 2024

Speaking exclusively about a long term power exchange; gratitude for a Dom's efforts goes with the territory. Granted this is my perspective and there are no two dynamics alike. BUT recognition of the time, energy, and planning that goes into being a Dom deserves appreciation; often and genuinely expressed. It isn't give and take it is give and give.

Where is Bunny and her well seasoned response?