D/S dynamic....Reality or myth?

Solace​(dom male) • Feb 3, 2024

Its been wonderful. Sure, there's been bumps in the road, but I've kept my seat belt on and looking back the other road seems a bit too well paved and boring.

I'm a lucky man, I've met some truly wonderful ladies here who despite getting my heart bruised on a few of them...each of those bruises have names I recall fondly. Its a happy nostalgia to think of who I've been able to meet, the conversations I've been able to have, and what I think of as some of the finer wines of life all made possible from this lifestyle.

Could it be going better? Yes, Certainly. Do I wish I'd made less mistakes, perhaps made less of a fool of myself once or twice or a hundred times? Yes, absolutely, lots of that. But I would have made those mistakes somewhere else. Learned those lessons on a different knifes edge. One that still cuts, just somewhere else and left a different shaped scar.

So no. No disappointment here. Or perhaps I've just forgotten what I expected to begin with. Stay hopeful people, there's someone out there for all us but sometimes its just a warm conversation between ships passing in the night.

happygigi​(dom female) • Feb 3, 2024

So far, I'm sad to say I have been disappointed with my experiences.

Right out of the gate, finding meaningful conversation has been rare for me. I get a lot of messages on here from men who are all about what I can do to/for them. For every 10 messages I get, 8 of them are 'hello mistress you're so pretty. we have a lot in common, love being dressed up like a sissy and having my ass pounded. can't wait for you to do that to me'. I usually sit and go through all of them on my off days. I don't even get my hopes up anymore.

But even so, each experience has taught me a thing or two about myself and how I fit into this lifestyle.

Of the few subs I've met and gotten to know enough to want to start a dynamic, distance has been an issue. They also failed to follow established routines when it came to messages/phone calls/etc. If messaging and calling are the only way we can be connected, you can bet that I am making time for those things. I won't waste my time on someone who isn't putting in the same amount of effort for something so crucial to our relationship.

So through that, I've learned that I am not cut out for online/long-distance. I want a partner I can meet with regularly and eventually live with.

For now, I use fetlife to find munches and events in my area. I've met a lot of cool people and made some great friends that way.

**And the cherry on top. During the time I was typing this, I got a message from someone who I have politely declined and since then ignored, saying 'I guess you're not interested since you didn't reply'.
Their previous message was a list of their kinks. That's it. Nothing else.

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 3, 2024

^One of the things submissive newbies need to learn about the lifestyle is... NOT to do what you just described!

Although it really should be fairly intuitive.
It's just like going onto a "vanilla" dating site, and having your first message to a potential partner be some sleazy, crude come-on like "Uhhh hey Baby you're so pretty, wanna do it doggy style?..." All but the most crude, crass idiot would (or should) know better than to act like that,

happygigi​(dom female) • Feb 3, 2024

Online anonymity really does give people some bizarre type of courage to say things they would never say to someone face to face.
I can't imagine they're having much luck with this cock-first approach, so I'm not sure why they keep at it.

But I try not to dwell on it too much. The bright side is that all the bad makes the good stand out that much more.

SageFlame​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2024

I absolutely did my research. It led me to want to understand more but this would take time. I Did, however, know what I wanted to bring to the table before seeking experiences. The rest has been no different than navigating human relationships; that with others and with myself. Disappointments happen as much as pleasant surprises do.

I knew I wanted an organic, unique experience so I didn't create boxes for references. I also didn't buy into one approach or mindset. This means I leaned into trusting my gut more than ever!

Come to find out there are a wide variety of approaches. No surprise that opinions are varied as well.

I Have been surprised at myself though! When I first read a checklist I had many hard limits. Some of those I tried and now enjoy. BDSM is not what I thought it would be and I am never turning back.

Re: D/S dynamic....Reality or myth?

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Feb 3, 2024

In Terminator 2: Judgment Day , John Connor told the T-800 that "The future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves."

For a Dom/Domme, the dynamic is not set.
It is what they build it into.
Yes, with communication and negotiation, but being honest ….. it’s what the Dom/Domme creates.

I have been fortunate over the years, my dynamics have been what I made them into.
So to answer your question, for me personally, each had one lived up-to and is living up-to my expectations.

FC

Baby Doll US​(sub female) • Feb 3, 2024

Extremely disappointing, both IRL and online. Men want your submission without earning it and half of them are just surfing for porn. If you're a successful, intelligent woman with an interest in the lifestyle, it's pretty tough to find someone skilled enough to handle you.

Unapologetic • Feb 3, 2024

Even though my experience wasn't what I hoped it would be, I've learned a lot about myself on this journey.

I love that a D/S relationship can be whatever you want it to be and evolve over time. I think I'll always be drawn to the lifestyle. I haven't given up hope!

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Feb 3, 2024

To me I would say my experiences have been good.

As it has been stated everyone is different, if they weren't wouldn't it be boring? We seek a freedom from the vanilla and in doing so ,we pur expectations of what we think it should be. Just as we do in everyday life. When we find someone that we think is going to the perfect fit and it doesn't workout, then we are left with a sour taste. But as discouraged as we can get, continue to look for someone that can be that just right fit. It is not a race, it takes time to develop, trust , honesty, and transparency

Steellover​(sub male) • Feb 3, 2024

I would agree absolutely. And yes, I have learned a lot about myself as well, the more I have delved into this, and although my experiences have not really been fulfilling I'd like to think I have at least gained some insights about not only myself, but about people and relationships in general.